The Secrets Hidden In The Scars

Chapter 35: I Wouldn't Get Better If You Let Me Go

But this awkward silence does not last long. Edward is the first one to decide to say at least a few words, even if he does it very hesitantly:

"Erm... Hi..."

"Hi," Natalia greets much more hesitantly, smiling with the corners of her mouth.

"Nice to meet you."

"Me too..." Natalia glances down and starts shifting her weight from one foot to another. "Very nice..."

"I didn't actually expect to see you here. There are usually fewer people here... This place is always... Unpopular."

"I didn't also think I'd see you here. I was just going by and saw you sitting here..."

"And I didn't see you... I was thinking..."

"I see..." Natalia falls into silence for two seconds and glances at Edward hesitantly, still embracing herself with both arms. "Erm... And... Are you... Walking here?"

"Erm..." Edward stutters, pulling the sleeve of his coat nervously. "Yes... I'm walking... It's been a long time. And I don't wanna leave..."

"Because this place is beautiful and quiet?"

"Yup... It's really very beautiful..."

"By the way, you disappeared suddenly..." Natalia says in a little shaking voice. "Too suddenly..."

"I'm not trying to hide. I just don't wanna show up for anyone... Can't come to myself after what happened..."

"But do you understand you won't be able to ignore everybody forever?"

"I know, but..." Edward runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. "I don't just want... Ain't ready to talk to anyone."

"At all?"

"At all."

"Even with me?" Natalia glances at her hands. "I'd personally like to put everything in the right places to know what to expect. We should make it all clear..."

"Well, as we met..." Edward shrugs and glances down with a quiet sigh, breathing a little heavily. "Honestly, I'd also love to make it clear. And decide what to do after the trial. If... I'm pronounced non-guilty, of course... Maybe, I wouldn't have to plan anything because everything would be decided for me."

"Do you have a plan for your future?"

"I do... To disappear and start my life over again."

"Do you want to say you're planning to leave the city?" Natalia frowns slightly.

"At least, I ain't able to leave the city right now. And especially the country. I'm... Banned... Under the declaration of not leaving and being a suspect in the murder."

"And then? What are you gonna do later?"

"I don't know, Natalia... I can say nothing now... Unless one thing: when everything ends, nobody will see me anymore. Though, it won't become a tragedy for anyone. Nobody will even think about me if I want to disappear."

"Do you wanna leave everything so easily?"

"If you were instead of me, you'd love to do the same."

"But you could at least try!"

"Why?" Edward asks with despair in his voice. "It's too late to change something. And I don't want..."

"Wanna stay a bad man for everybody because of deciding to run?"

"The people have a right to it. I don't make anyone love me. If someone wants to judge and contempt, there's nothing bad about it."

"Oh..." Natalia exhales sharply with sadness in her eyes and glances down for a moment. "Okay, if you wanna disappear, I'm not gonna change your mind. It's your life, and you can do anything you want."