Bad Beta (Sequel to Mate She Rejected)

Chapter 21

Ashley's Pov

I didn't have to look at him to know that he froze. It was like everything stopped and the there was so much tension in the room it was impossible not to feel it.

"What did you just say?" his tone was cold and knew this wasn't going to end well.

"The only reason I recognized Luca as my mate was because you were in danger, close to death. It was because of you that the bond presented itself and it was because of you that the bond between him and I wasn't strong. You lived and that's why I couldn't feel anything for him and that's why he didn't feel anything for me, at least nothing real. He and I both had true mates but if you died the bond between us would have gotten stronger. I would have wanted to be with him because he would have been the closest thing I would have ever had to a mate. I'm right aren't I?" he didn't speak for a while and the silence was almost to much. This conversation was dangerous territory for us but we had to get all of this out in the open before it was too late.

"Is that what you wanted?" his voice was barely above a whisper but I caught every word.

"What are you talking about?" I didn't like where it was going at all.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. Do you wish I had died? Do you wish that I was out of the way so that the bond between the two of you would strengthen?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"No. Why would you say that? Is that what you think of me?" He ran his hands down his face and took a deep breath. He was beyond frustrated but so was I.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be a beta? Always second to an alpha? A true blooded alpha at that. No one ever talks about anything accept what an honor it is to have such a high ranking but it's more complicated than that. You do all the heavy lifting, all the hard work, you're practically an errand boy but the alpha gets all the credit, all the glory while you sit back and watch. At initiation the new alpha is told to choose their beta carefully. Do you know why? Because it has to be someone who will follow orders without question. Someone who would risk their life for no reason other than the fact that the alpha said so. Someone who is strong but not too strong, powerful but not too powerful otherwise they could be viewed as a potential threat" I ha never thought of it that way but he was right.

"When I accepted the position of beta it was with all of this in mind. It didn't bother me at the time because my loyalty was too the pack and there was nothing I wouldn't do to protect it. I've had almost everything taken from me but the thing that kept me going was the thought of you. The one person who would see me and only me. The one person who wouldn't see just a beta. Then I met you and I saw how much you wanted Luca, how much you wanted to be a Luna. It pained me because I knew that if you stayed with me you would never be a Luna. It's why I treated you the way I did. I never thought you would stay. I always pictured you leaving me for some alpha whether it was Luca or someone else. I found out about what happened between the two of you not long before you came to me. It all made sense and all I could think about was what you're life would have been like without me" I felt tears start to form in my eyes and I heart clenched. I could't imagine my life without him.

"No. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I need you. I know that I was selfish in the past and that was because I didn't know how lucky I was to have a mate. I know now which is why I need you to tell me what happened. I need you to trust me so that you can start to heal. The other night I felt you're pain and it nearly brought me to my knees. I couldn't stand it. I love you Dreydon" It was the first time I had said those words and there was no denying how much I meant them. He looked at me and his expression was unreadable. Did he believe me? Was he so damaged he thought himself incapable of love? Had my mistakes made him this way?

"You were right about everything. I was sent on a mission and captured. I was tortured in ways you can't even imagine but I survived. When I got back I was nearly dead. In fact everyone thought I was dead. They were a few days away from choosing a new beta. I spent months being starved, dehydrated and beaten. I kept telling myself that my mate needed me. I couldn't die because a part of her would die as well. I had to meet you. I've wanted you my whole life. I couldn't let it end without having gotten that chance to know you. So the first chance I got I used every bit of my strength that I had left to kill five guards and make it back here. It was hell but it was worth it" I couldn't believe it. It was one thing to believe that something happened to him but to have it confirmed was something completely different. I had to sit down. Suddenly my legs couldn't support my weight.

"When I was little my mother used to tell me about meeting my mate and what it would be like. She was a wise woman and she told me that despite what everyone thinks it wouldn't be prefect. She told me that it would be hard at times but it would always be worth it. Even if I wasn't perfect, even if my mate wasn't perfect we would be perfect for on another. She was right" I was almost afraid to ask the next question but curiosity got the best of me.

"What happened to her?" he tensed again but to my relief he started talking.

"My father died defending the alpha. When he died it was hard for her. She got so depressed. I remember being afraid when things got too quite. I kept imagining coming home and finding her dead. But instead she surprised me, she got stronger. She said that my Dad wouldn't have wanted her to give up when she had us to live for. I admired her so much for that. One day the pack was under attack. We were being ambushed. My little sister and I were outside playing and didn't have a clue what was happening until my mom came out of the house looking more terrified than I had ever seen her. She tried to get us inside but it was too late. A rogue lunged at me and she shifted. She fought him until her last breath. She died protecting us. The last words she spoke was take care of your sister" I was crying at this point. I wanted to hear his story but I didn't know it would break me this way. He pulled me closer and wiped away my tears.

"Don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry. It took some time but I made me peace with it. She's with my Dad" I nodded trying to compose myself.

"What happened to your sister?" The way he looked at me made me immediately regret asking that question. I saw his eyes feel with anger, his hands balled into fist and I knew he was fighting the urge to shift.

"My mother asked one thing of me and I failed. I fucking failed her" He yelled and once again his fist collided with the wall. Never had I seen him this way. This must have been the pain that he kept hidden. Why he was in so much agony when I saw the picture. It took him a minute to calm down but he finally did.

"When she saw my mother get killed in front us she was mute for a year. She wouldn't say anything to anyone. I had to beg her to eat. The doctors kept saying that she was just traumatized, that she would eventually come out of it since werewolves were immune to mental issues. I tried everything to get her to get back to herself. I told her that I felt the pain too, that I witnessed everything she did and we could talk about it, get through it together but nothing worked. She ended up slitting her wrist with a silver knife. I couldn't save her" Just when I thought my heart couldn't shatter anymore it did. I hugged and held him tight. I didn't care it he wanted it wanted it or not I needed to hold him.

"It's not you're fault" I didn't matter if he had heard it before I needed him to believe it. "You did not fail you're mother you did everything you could she just wasn't strong like you" I don't know how much much time passed before his body relaxed and I was able to breathe. I was overwhelmed after everything I heard but I was glad I finally knew about his past. It made me feel closer to him and I felt I understood him better. One thing was certain I was going to do everything I could to make sure he never felt anymore pain, he had suffered enough.