Everyone Died+My iPhone Stopped Working: An Oral History of The Robot Apocalypse

Girl, You Know That You're My Girl, Girl

Benji O'Day, 27

R&B Superstar

Neither Lucas nor myself is especially familiar with singer/songwriter Benji O'Day's work. I am more of an alternative rock guy whereas Lucas is a fan of K-Pop, EDM and a "vocaloid" called Hatsune Miku (don't ask). But even we know his platinum-selling song, "Girl, You Know That You're My Girl, Girl" as well as the "Weird Al" parody "Grill, You Know That You're My Grill, Grill."

(By that point in his career, "Weird Al" was seriously phoning it in.)

Benji was talking to us as part of a press tour for his upcoming concert his fellow refugees. In fact, we pretty much were the press tour. There is not a lot of post-Apocalyptic entertainment journalism going on, apparently.

--------------------------------------------

When the robots attacked, Benji O'Day was in the middle of a sold-out show at The Staples Center.

I thought you were Benji O'Day.

Benji O'Day likes to refer to himself in the third person.

Got it. So Benji O'Day was at the Staples Center...

That's right. Although you don't have to refer to Benji O'Day in the third person. That's just Benji O'Day's thing.

OK. So the concert...?

Aw, yeah! Let me tell ya, Benji O'Day was on his game! But then there were robots everywhere! Benji O'Day watched in disbelief as nearly everyone was annihilated! We're talking Benji O'Day's band, Benji O'Day's fans, Benji O'Day's licensed vendors who sold Benji O'Day T-shirts, Benji O'Day hand sanitizer, Benji O'Day stress balls.

But Benji O'Day himself was spared.

That was lucky.

Not lucky. [He pointed a finger heavenward.] The Lord Almighty put Benji O'Day on this Earth for a reason: to use his God-given voice to bring joy to the people of the world. And after a calamity like this, Benji O'Day's voice is more important than ever.

So God saved you so you could comfort the survivors of the Robot Apocalypse?

That is correct.

Why didn't He just prevent the Robot Apocalypse from occurring in the first place?

God has Benji O'Day on a need-to-know basis and Benji O'Day doesn't need to know.

That seems a little evasive.

Have you read the Bible, Mr. Rubicon?

Yes. Have you?

No. But Benji O'Day saw the miniseries on The History Channel, so Benji O'Day gets the gist.

Anyway, that's why Benji O'Day is doing this concert. To lift the spirits of his fans in their hour of need.

That's nice of you.

No, that's nice of God. Through Benji O'Day.

What made you decide to do this concert now?

Truthfully, it wasn't Benji O'Day's idea. The people wanted it, not Benji O'Day.

Really?

Yes. Benji O'Day was very much against it.

Why?

Because everything shouldn't be about Benji O'Day.

Since when?