No Regrets

Chapter Sixty-Seven - Never Gone

DOMINICK'S POV

Coming here and visiting was something I didn't want to do, but something I felt like that I needed to do. Alone. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, or even how long I'd be gone. I jumped in my car and drove here, my mind constantly trying to convince me to turn around and go back. There has been a lot of motion and things to do with the fast-coming custody hearing, for the past few weeks, my mind has only been focused on Mollie and the case. However, today my mind was focused on something else, deep down I knew I needed to do this, today. October 20th might not mean anything to any one but for me it means a lot. October 20th wasn't the day that Nikki and I started dating, or the day that we met, or anything like that. October 20th used to feel like one of the worst days of my life, the day Nikki told me she had cheated and then broke up with me.

Why in the world would I feel like this day was so important: at least, important enough to make a visit I dread making? October 20th is when one of the greatest things in my life came to an end; but at the same time it's when the greatest part of my life began. A couple weeks after that day, Nikki and I would have our final hookup. Although it wasn't ideal or traditional or even socially-acceptable, I'm glad that's how we ended things. The hookup wasn't an intense-wild moment of passion, it was simply just a moment of undeniable love. We loved each other, and I'm glad we ended things still loving each other; I'm selfishly glad our flame didn't burn out.

I pull up to the plot of land where Nikki's grave is, I put the car in park. I take a deep breath before stepping out. The grave is right where Aria said it would be, I lean down till I'm level with the stone. I place my hand on the smooth marvel top. "Nichole Alison Wilton" is etched into the stone. "Hi." I whisper, I feel the side of my lip curl up only a bit. I have to swallow a lump in my throat and ignore the sinking feeling that I feel.

I haven't been in denial about Nikki being dead; however, coming here makes everything feel so final. "Our daughter Mollie has gotten so big." I say. I take out a picture of Mollie that I'd folded up to take with me here, the photo is the most recent one I have of her. I rest it against the gravestone and place a small stone at the bottom to keep the picture from blowing away. "She's already a year old, from the moment she knew how to walk she's been running. She's just like you, so talkative, even if it's mostly nonsense." I know that Nikki would have rolled her eyes and laughed a bit, probably even punched my arm. "I miss you so much." I say.

"They say that time heals all wounds, but that's a lie. Time only makes the pain more manageable." I sit down and continue talking, "I was so mad, at you, when I found out. I thought how could you do something so selfish to the people who cared about you, to me the boy who still loved you. How could you leave us? Then I realized, I wasn't angry, I was devastated. You were my first love, I never stopped loving you. Even now, two years later, I still love you. Perhaps not the way I did back then, but there's still love." I stare up at the sky, hoping that despite her mistakes Nikki's in a good place. "I'm sorry," I take a moment to compose myself so that I can continue, "I should have been there, for you."

I talk about Mollie some more, about how she reminds me of Nikki. I tell her about how Mollie has traits from both of us, but overall she's her own person. "She lights up the lives of all who meet her. She's wickedly smart, which sometimes makes it hard to believe she's our daughter." I chuckle a bit.

A cool-soft breeze blows, I close my eyes for a moment. I let myself imagine for just a moment, that it's Nikki's way of telling me that she hears me. "I will never truly understand why you're gone. I know you had to escape, I get that, but it will always hurt to know that you're really gone. I miss your laugh, your smile, and the way you'd hum when you got nervous. I'll even miss the fire in your eyes when you got angry."

I used to wish that for one day, Nikki, Mollie, and I could have been a family. Now I realize, we still are a family and always will be. We might not have gotten to experience parenting together, but we're still parents. We'll always be Mollie's parents, even if we don't get to take her to the park or make her eat her vegetables. I run my fingers along the words on the stone, "Beloved daughter, sister, mother and friend."

"I don't think I know the first thing about having a daughter." I chuckle a bit. "I don't know the first thing about braiding hair, ballet, and I especially am clueless when it comes to puberty." I laugh a bit more before letting out a sigh, I run my fingers through my hair. "This feels like a curse, i'll always be a parent. I'll always have a daughter, but I'm not allowed to be a parent. I'm a parent but I'm not one."

There are many more things I could say about how I'm forced to be mostly detached from Mollie's life. However, there are other words on my heart that I need to say. Words that I might not be able to say again, feelings I have only found the words to explain. "I am sorry for not realizing how much you were suffering. And I so very deeply sorry for trying to hold on to you so tightly without realizing I was only crushing you. But I am even more sorry for letting you go, and letting you drown." I say. I lean over and gently kiss the top of the stone. "I hope you found your peace."

"She did." A voice says from behind me. I snap my head in the direction and see Aria. Her hair isn't tied or pulled back, it blows a bit in the wind. "I can feel it in my heart, she's at peace." She says.

"I'll let you have your time, I was fixing to leave." I say as I start to stand up. Aria holds up her hand to stop me.

"I'm actually here to visit someone else." She says, her voice going a bit quiet. She gestures for me to meet her by a small flat gravestone behind Nikki's. She squats down and gently removes a bouquet of flowers that are beginning to wilt. Etched at the top of the stone is the name Will. Etched below the name reads, "August 17, 2012 - September 7, 2012".

Aria pushes the hair blowing in her face away. She doesn't turn to me or raise her voice, and yet I clearly hear her when she says, "My son lived for twenty-one days."

***AUTHOR'S NOTE***

A lot of you thought Aria was pregnant in earlier chapters. I think I told someone that they were on the right "train of thought".

This was a hard chapter to write.

Also, upon review, I see there are - if I am not mistaken - five chapters left (not including the epilogue). Chapter 68, Chapter 69, and Chapter 70 will be quite long because there is a lot to cover!

THANK YOU FOR READING! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!