Brutally Honest Reviews™

🌟Wildlings

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

⚠️ Figurative penis mentioned an excessive number of times. It is really annoying. Reader discretion is advised. ⚠️

Word Count: 2702

Title: Wildlings

Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi

Blurb: When 15 year old Judit is taken against her will to live in the wilderness as part of a government rewilding programme, her sister Sannah must do everything she can to save her.

As Sannah negotiates the criminal underworld of the city in an attempt to find her sister, this means facing some wildness of her own.

~NEW BLURB~

In Albia, the poor are scum, and there's no scum worse than Exotic immigrants.

Shy, studious Sannah MaVae is determined to make something of herself, escape the expected fate of a young Exotic. It's just a shame her wild little sister Judit doesn't feel the same way.

Then one day, Sannah's world changes.

Judit is snatched away, taken to live in the wilderness as part of a Government experiment. Now, Sannah must do everything she can to save her.

As she negotiates sex, drugs and the criminal underworld of the city in an attempt to find her sister, she must face some wildness of her own.

Genre: This is a teen adventure story set in an alternate reality, featuring drug use and (mild, non-explicit) sexual references.

Status: Ongoing @ the time of review/Now complete

~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I'm not a fan. It isn't selling itself as it should be doing. For starters, if I had a penis it would probably be limp right now because it doesn't make me want to open your book, but it also isn't ugly. Secondly, you're using your username instead of a real name or like at least a serious alias, or a shortened version of your name. That's just me being a bit nit-picky though. Lastly, it kind of looks like someone slapped on some text on a picture (which is poorly blended, might I add) and went on their day. In conclusion, it does nothing for this story's genre in my opinion, and it's underwhelming. (-3)

Title: I like it.

Summary: *Lone audience member coughs awkwardly*

-Yikes. (-10)

-This is a bit different showing how much points you lost before actually telling you why, but it needs to be done. Okay, so I was going to "drag" you on how bad the original summary was and why, until I clicked the link and saw you re-wrote it. The proudness and adulation I felt only lasted five seconds before I actually began reading it.

-Since it is obvious you're struggling with your summary, I'll give you in-depth pointers just like the lucky few who were selected for such a privilege (even though I have tons of homework, wah).

-Any who, first thing that popped out to me was your opening line. It's severely weak and it's a bit frustrating for me. There is so many things missing from it. It's like you have an idea on what you wanted to say, but then a brain fart occurred towards the end and you kept it super vague, thus killing every 2/4 possible readers in the process.

-The first thing that destroyed my figurative penis was:

-In Albia [presents a made-up land, and provides no background information besides the discrimination that goes on in it. A huge no-no. Info-dumping isn't cool, but you're world-building, so delving into information about this alternate universe is okay, and it's necessary! But, what the fuck is Albia? Do explain!], the poor are scum [okay???], and there's no scum worse than Exotic immigrants [The fact that you made up a people and the best you could have done was name them "Exotic" makes me cringe, so hard. What I'm imagining is people of color, but "exotic" isn't something you refer people as. It is either food, animals, or a place. Not people. When you refer to people as "exotic"—fictional or not—you are immediately perpetuating Exotification and Racial Fetishism, and things can get gross pretty quick. Rant over.].