Love, Nina

Entry 15

ENTRY 15

I am writing this now inside Matthew's room. Sylvia is sleeping and the other guys are in the guest room. I have no one to talk to and you're only one I have. I can't talk to Sylvia about this as well.

I don't know what I really wanted in the first place and that's my issue. I keep on trying to live a normal college life but I can't. I still feel emptiness inside. I have this void I need to fill but at the same time, I feel tired trying to fill this void.

Remember the electric shocks? I wrote that a lot of times here in ny journal and I'm starting to think that what I really needed from the first place is love. I kept on lying to myself that I'm disgusted to that 4-letter word. I just kept on denying that to myself.

Maybe I wasn't really disgusted, maybe I just don't know how it really looked like. I started to think of myself when I heard Sylvia's confessiom about the guy named Craig with no last name. She felt different. She felt the need to straighten out her shit just for that guy and I seem to think that maybe I can do that to William Montana.

So, we went to the carnival with all the shitty goodness of popcorn, caramel apple, and cotton candy. We acted like childish lunatics, hopping from a ride to another. I even rode the carousel with kids crying of dizziness while I enjoyed the cold air enveloping all of my skin. I needed that cold air for all the things I've done to myself and for creating an alternate persona whom I called 'Tinder Nina'. She's slutty and has the unendibg appetite for sex and drugs. 'Nina Rain' is the Biochemistry student who's referred by her family as a child prodigy. She's smart, simple and alluring. She's focused too much on studying that she forgot eat meals at times.

Who am I? That I don't know as well. I don't even know what I'm doing at myself. I felt a rein on my neck since I was a child. I never had good friends at school. Kids don't wanna be my friends. They feel dumb and useless just by sitting beside me. They feel such huge flaw within themselves whenever they see me. I was a threat to everyone, especially women.

The thing is, I was a vicious bitch. Female students who call themselves the 'It girls' can't touch me. If they are bitches, then call me the 'queen bitch'.

I remember Rebecca Dunham. She was a cheerleader at the prep school where Sylvia and I spent our middle school and high school years. So, she hid all my gym clothes and thrashed my locker. I wasn't the type of kid who would cry and feel helpless. Of course I did something.

Because I'm highly intelligent, I resorted to a girl of my age wouldn't do. I blackmailed her. I did a kind of blackmail no one my age would even think of.

I hacked her computer and exposed her browser history. I hacked her laptop's front cam and exposed everything she did whenever she visited porn websites. I posted naked photos of her everywhere at the school. I exposed her camgirl moments and had it posted inside her locker room.

But how did I do that?

Simple, I hacked the school's CCTV cameras so I won't be seen posting everything on the school walls. Sylvia did it with me, because Rebecca bullied her as well. Not just us actually, but most of the female population at school who can make her feel less pretty. That bitch deserved the humiliation.

Since she did a lot of bad things, she can't catch the person responsible for such behavior. I blackmailed her first by sending emails but she won't stop and still bullied our classmate Rose. So I had it done and everyone at school bullied her for that.

Female at school considered that as a 'heroic act'. Everyone was relieved that she was humiliated and tarnished in front of everyone to see.

Her parents were so disappointed that they sent her to Norway. It was the last time we heard of Rebecca.

So, that's why I'm not such a good girl. If you turn my psycho bitch mode on, you better hide. I will destroy you so much you would wish of death. Sylvia knows that side of me. I can snap really bad and if Prof. Simmons won't stop, he fucking be ready for my plans. He better be.

He's one of my problems. He can tarnish my record and all so my initial plan is to openly date William Montana for everyone to see, including him. Maybe he would stop eye-fucking me.

Okay, so I rode the carousel alone while the other three went to the roller coaster. Matthew was puking as Isaac patted his back. Weed and alcohol made him feel dizzy. I told him to stop drinking already if he really wanted to ride the roller coaster. I warned him.

"God, you look sick man." Isaac told him.

"God, you're disgusting." Sylva said while laughing really loud. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"I'm sorry. God you two could be such a bitch." Matthew uttered as he held onto Isaac's arm really hard.

"Oh Matthew, quit being such a pussy and stand up. We can call it a night then." I told him as I sip on my cherry coke.

"No! I still want to eat corn dogs for hangover. Please?" Isaac held him to make him sit on the nearby bench. He lied down and caught his breath.

"I'm okay now. It's been two hours since I drank vodka. I just need corndogs and water... or coffee. We can stop by Starbucks to get some latte."

"Okay, man. I'll drive instead. I'm sober now and I no longer smell. It's been four hours since I took alcohol." Isaac said.

"Nope, I'll drive. I only had cocktails at the bar so I can drive." I told them. Sylvia looked at me.

"You have a license?!"

"Of course! Mom doesn't know I already passed driving." She just rolled.

"Of course you did, bitch. You're damn smart. Oh, let's get frappe! I'm craving sweets!"

"Then let's get our corndogs and head to Starbucks." I told them and Matthew handed me over his keys. Thank goodness I'm a good driver. I borrow Prof. Ingrid's car whenever she asked favors to get her coffee. I used her car most of the time so it's okay.

Love, Nina