Incompetent (phan)

Chapter 31 - E

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+ just for clarification dan's mum - eleanor, dan's dad - russell, dan's brother - matt, dan's sister in law - rebecca

Phil's POV

"So I said, mate,' chill the fuck out and back the fuck up'. And you know what he said?"

"What?" I asked, slightly bored of the story but trying not to show it.

"He was walking away, and he said, 'fucking flamer'," Tyler said, almost screeching. "Such a homophobic little shit." He paused, before adding, "more like big shit. Like the horrible green shit you have after you eat fast food for a whole week in a row."

"Yeah," I said, holding back a yawn. It wasn't my fault I was so tired. Last night, Dan had texted me about going for dinner with his family and we somehow stayed up 'til 4 am just talking. Factor in the fact that it was a Thursday afternoon, and Tyler and I had had 3 meetings in a row, and you could say that my brain wasn't doing too good.

"Are you even listening?" Tyler said, irritation clear in his voice. "Or are you daydreaming about Dan again?

"Yes, I am," I answered before quickly adding, "Listening, I mean." I sighed, before deciding to be honest. "We're going on a date later."

"Troye and I will have the house to ourselves?" Tyler asked eagerly.

"Yes?" I said, holding back a laugh. "Ew," I added as a second thought. "You better stay in your bedroom."

"Don't worry, because I'm so tired, there probably won't be much going on. We might just watch a movie or something. Unfortunately. We could have been having such a cute evening together if you hadn't kept me up all night with your laughing and 'oh Dan, of course, I would like to view your enormous collection of private aeroplanes'," Tyler said, very badly imitating my English accent.

I burst out laughing. "First of all, I never said that. Second of all, I don't sound like that. And third of all, that is not my fault. He called me. He doesn't like texting very much."

"Ugh, whatever. Just know that my skin and sex drive are not happy," Tyler announced, shaking his head.

"I'm scared to meet his parents."

"You've already met them?" Tyler said, laughing.

"Yeah, but this time, I'm going to have to talk to them for like a whole hour."

"Not true, you could just pretend to take you ages to chew. Also, Dan will be there, and you two obviously have no problem with talking for a whole hour."

"Yeah, but I feel like this is more serious. Like an official meet the family thing."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yeah, but, I don't know anymore. Maybe they're expecting me to be super smart and rich as well."

Tyler scoffed, "Phil, you are smart. You're not rich, but that's why you're dating Dan, right?"

I playfully shoved him, while trying to hold back my own giggles.

"Ow, Phil, that actually hurt!"

"Shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.

***

"Reservations under Howell," Dan said to the server whose eyes shamelessly ran over Dan's figure, causing me to sigh. She was a pretty blonde lady, who reminded me of Camilla way too much for my liking.

"Follow me," she instructed, giving Dan a sly smile as she led us across the restaurant causing me to throw hateful glances at her back.

Dan's hand found mine as we approached the table, "babe, calm down."