Kill First, Feel Last ; Daryl Dixon

thirty five:: welcoming a new addition

When asked to describe the pain of childbirth, my mother would smile sweetly and say, "Dear, just take all the drugs you can get." But my aunt was less coy, she relished telling me of the pain to come. "It's like someone reaching inside you and pulling your guts out with their bare hands. It's like being ripped rather than cut. It's so intense that if you didn't know it would be over when the baby was born you'd be begging someone to just shoot you. The only blessed thing is that the mind protects you somewhat from it's memory, five hours of brutal agony will seem like five minutes when you recollect. But by then you'll have the memory of holding your newborn for the first time and all that medieval torture you went through will seem like a price worth paying."

The pain was like a knife being twisted in my spine. It shots up fast, erasing every thought from my head and paralyzing my body. Apparently I screamed, but I don't recall that part, only the pain.
"You aren't fully dilated, Kaylie. You have to bare with it for just a little longer." Maggie nervously ordered me. The only thing I could possibly think to do was to nod my head as no words would escape my lips. I didn't care for the pain regardless of how unbearably painful this shit was, I wanted my child. I loathed for the moment of when I could hold mine and Daryl's child in my arms after hours of excruciating agony. I couldn't wait for the moment to look into our baby's eyes; would they have my brown eyes or Daryl's crystal blue ones?

Dad was by my side every step, along with Michonne  and Sasha. Dad's calloused hands wrapped themselves around mine, squeezing it every now and again in reassurance.
"Kay.." he sighed looking at me. Tears trickled his eyes with worry and concern as he took in the look of sweat and tears on my face. "I wasn't there for your birth. I was stubborn and a fucking stupid father even in your first moments."
"Dad.." I whispered weakly, attempting to shut him up.
"Shut up, I need to say this." He ordered, squeezing my hand once again. I nodded my head weakly, letting him know to continue. "I can never forgive myself for the pain I put your mother through. I was a pathetic excuse of a husband and a father. I wasn't there for you, or your mother as much as I should have been but not now. I'm here and I sure as goddamned hell ain't going anywhere."

"I'm about to push a living being out of my vagina. Do you really need to do this now?" I scolded, earning a chuckle from my dad.
"Fine." He caved. "Just know that I love you, Kay."

Tears trickled in my eyes even more so at his words. I squeezed his hand in return again seeing as I could no longer speak. The pain soon began to grow, signalling Maggie that I was fully dilated and ready to push my child out of me.
The scream tore through me like a great shard of glass. I felt my eyes widen and pulse quicken, my heart thudding like a rock rattling in box. The scream came again, desperate, terrified. The only person I wanted around was Daryl, my husband and the love of my life.

With each contraction came a pain that dominated my entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and I breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of my own body. The room might as well have been empty for all the awareness I had, and when they did talk, touch, gain her attention I found it so hard. To reply I had to find myself from the deepest recess of my own mind and drag myself forward, to use my voice, open my eyes. Maggie was telling me that is was time, time to push. With a guttural grunt I did so and was told to stop, one was enough. I felt the baby crowning, the hot stretching of flesh and I held my breath. Without any further effort the baby slid into the hands of Maggie and in seconds she was there, nascent eyes opening, mouth rooting for milk.

"It's a boy, Kaylie." Maggie smiled. "A baby boy."
"My baby boy." I whispered happily as I attempted to regain my composure. Maggie crept over with the small bundle who was now wrapped in an old blanket and carefully handed to me. I stared at my newly born baby boy, and gasped at the sight in front of me. He was identical to Daryl.

He had deep brown hair that he could have inherited from either one of us that crowned his perfect little skull. He had Daryl's lips, his nose and ears but it was his eyes that brought tears to my eyes. They were crystal blue and as clear as the daylight sky.

"He's beautiful, Kay." Dad dreamily sighed as he stared at his new grandchild. "My grandson."
I smiled at Dad and back down to the bundle in my hands. "You are mummy and daddy's little soldier aren't you." I whispered as I took in my child's stunning features.

++++
Hours later, Walkers piled around the cabin; gnawing at the windows for the flesh that rested inside.
"We have children, we need to leave." Dad growled as he eyed down the walkers from the windows.
"I have a plan." I sighed, releasing my child from my grasp since the moment he came out.
"I don't know what it is, but you aren't doing it. You just gave birth!" Simon argued.
"Funny." I chuckled. "Two hours ago I couldn't do anything because I was pregnant. A girl just can't win." I threw my arms in defeat.
"What's your plan?" Sasha asked.
"Dad, Simon, Sasha, Michonne and I will clear out the walkers out there. Once they're gone, we stick to the original plan, head straight to the sanctuary with the kids while Simon finds Rick and Daryl."
"You sure you can do this?" Dad asked cautiously.
"Hell yeah." I smiled. "It's been 9 months since I had a good walker brawl!"

Dad laughed at my determination as I turned to look at Carl. "You make sure you help Maggie watch the kids. I just pushed this one out, I'm not ready to watch him go."
"Don't worry Kay." He smiled. "I got it."

I bent over and pressed my lips onto my little soldiers head as he slept peacefully. "Mummy will be back, baby." I whispered as I turned around, cocking my gun as I headed for the door. "Lets kick some mother fucking zombie ass."
"And she's back." Maggie laughed as she cradled Beth in her arms. I flipped her the bird jokingly, taking one last glimpse at my baby before heading out the door and instantly shooting my gun.