Joshua // j.bradley ✔︎

FIFTY-NINE

"We haven't been out together in almost a month, I just feel like he doesn't have time for me anymore" I was talking to JJ, I came to the house to visit Josh but he said he's about to record and he can't put it back because he's already late on filming and whatever the other reasons are, so I went into JJ's room luckily he was free

"Yeah I know he has Youtube but I don't understand because everyone else can make time for their girlfriends, and it's not like I wanna see him everyday it's just a month that's a hell of a long time isn't it?" I asked

"I get what your saying and I can see it from your side but I can also see Josh's, he just puts everything he can into his videos because it's something he's made a big part of his life and he can't back away from it that easily" JJ reasoned

"I'm not asking him to stop doing Youtube, and I don't come over all the time expecting him to chill with me or go out it's just he doesn't even text me to say he's free. I'm always the one to text him or call him or ask to do something, it makes you feel like you're in a one sided relationship yanno" I sighed

"Have you tired talking to him about all this, like I know he's busy but when he's editing even if he doesn't reply just getting him to listen. Like having it all in a voicemail probably not a text because he can't sense the tone of voice and he may take that you're angry with him" JJ said, he was right but I don't know how to express everything with out it turning into another argument.

"Thanks Jide" I said softly

"No problem, I'm here anytime you need me" He pulled me in for a small hug

"I'm gonna head home, I'm tired. I'll see you later" I said

"Bye" he smiled. I left his room and closed the door, I didn't want to go home I wanted to be out, the park near Josh's house had some really nice areas, I pulled the hood up on my hoodie as I left the house. My hands were stuffed inside my pockets as I walked, it was a short walk. I stopped off at the shop quickly and bought myself a Dr Pepper and made my way into the park. The weather was plain, there wasn't much too it. It was not hot nor cold, it wasn't sunny cloudy or rainy it was just plain. I sat in the middle of a field with overgrown grass under a tree.

FROM: Joshua☕😊

Where did you go?

No kisses just the question

TO: Joshua☕😊

Home

If he was going to stop sending kisses then so was I, I'm like that.

FROM: Joshua☕😊

Are you there now?

TO: Joshua☕😊

Yes

FROM: Joshua☕😊

Okay

How boring our conversations are these days and in person its better because you can't just close the interactions and avoid awkwardness no when he's with me he'll treat me like nothing has changed, but that's not very often anymore I wish he would put just a smidge more effort into this relationship. I may be coming off clingy and needy but I don't care if it makes me needy wanting to see my boyfriend and spend time with him every so often then by all means call me clingy, needy and incapable of being without him.

"How did I know you were here?" There was his deep voice, I saw him approaching me. I gave him a small smile as he bent down to sit next to me.

"How did you know I'd be here" I asked genuinely wondering

"I knew that you weren't home because I heard you leave about 10 minutes ago; you don't drive even if someone drove you you wouldn't have been home already. And when we came for walks around here you'd always point to this tree and tell me how calming it looked it the middle of the field and you'd like to come here if you needed to chill out and think" I felt my heart jump at how he acknowledged the little things I say and it makes me think about the future of us, that there could be a promising one if he shows this side more often. I want Joshua not Zerkaa the youtuber who records, edits and sleeps all the time.

"As for knowing where you were, I took a guess and this place sprung to mind for some reason" He said, he wrapped his arm around me and his touch was warm and caring.

"I spoke to JJ and he gave me some advice that I think I should carry out" I said

"Advice from JJ" Josh chuckled

"Go ahead" He was being serious again when he noticed I wasn't joking

"He told me to talk to you about what I want to say instead of bottling it up" I breathed out preparing myself to spill my feelings, he watched me listening taking in everything I was saying

"I just feel like we're growing apart and I don't want to come off clingy or needy but I just want to spend time with my boyfriend every so often" I said,

"I want to spend time with you too Lex but I can't stop working every time I want to see you, then I'd never get anything done. There is not a day where I do not think about you Alex so if you're thinking that you don't mean as much as Youtube does to me, know that you mean so, so, so much more" He replied

"I'd like to believe that but, it doesn't show Josh" I said, he leaned in fast without giving me time to stop him. He kissed me, I kissed back for a second and drew back,

"Kissing me doesn't solve the problem Josh" I sighed

"Then tell me what to do, I'll do it." He said

"I hate to sound cliché, spend time with me. I don't mean everyday; I don't want to make it seem like a chore by saying see me this often. You're a grown up you should be able to figure it out" I said

"But I don't want to say it and have you do it for a month or something and fall back into this pattern" I continued

"Alex, I don't knowwhat you want me to say, I know you want to hear promises and all that. But Ilove you and I can't give you false promises, I can't promise that I willalways be available for you. But because I love you I can make the promise thatI will always try" He took my hand in his and looked deep into my eyes as hespoke, I believed him but part of me didn't and I don't know what to do aboutit    

A/N

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