Joshua // j.bradley ✔︎

SIXTY

The next few months were exactly how I had predicted, the first month he tried his hardest and I could see that he was. He made plans with me and stuck with them for the first little while, and then it was back to how we were just a few months ago. At least he tries to call me and chat every so often but whenever he does it's late and I get tired so we don't chat for too long, I can see he's trying. I don't know if he really wants us, sometimes I feel like he doesn't and sometimes I feel like he wants it more than he's wanted anything in his life. Why is everything so difficult, if we were in a movie this wouldn't happen, but life isn't a movie and things don't go smoothly and the way you want them. We try to distract ourselves with temporary things so we can forget that all good things come to an end eventually and some sooner than others. I was sitting underneath that same tree this time it was humid; it didn't rain but it might. I text Josh to meet me here so we could talk, it only had me having to stress how important it was to me for him to come.

"Hey" He said and sat next to me

"Glad you could make it" I said giving him a short soft smile

"What's up" he asked when he was at properly

"I don't like having this conversation because I feel like it makes me seem pathetic but I feel like we're back where we were two months ago and I don't want to feel like some burden on you so if you don't want this then you can tell me" I said, I felt like I was going to start crying

"Alex I want this so much, more than words can describe. You are not a burden on me never think of yourself as that" He said

"I want to believe you Josh but the gut feeling I should've listened to a few months ago is telling me otherwise, I don't want to be like this but I'm an over thinker and I keep trying to tell myself I am just overthinking this, but this one I just can't" I said a single tear rolling down my cheek, I wiped it away with my hand before josh could think about getting it because his touch on my face would make me go back to where I want to be but it's the wrong place.

"Sometimes we want things that aren't good for us" I said a few more tears falling as I said it, I thought it but hearing myself say it was so different

"Don't do this Alex please" Josh said reaching for my hand because we both knew it would bring me back slightly so he could talk me back

"I don't want to" I said, I didn't bother to wipe my tears I let them fall as more rain clouds gradually filled the sky blocking out the sun

"But I feel this is right, I want you to find someone who is a better match for you. I want you to be happy with someone who doesn't cause you so much hassle" I cried as the words came out hearing your thoughts in the moment really chokes you up

"You don't cause me hassle" the sadness was evident in his voice

"You are the best match for me" He said, as a tear rolled down his cheek for a quick second before he wiped it away so fast you wouldn't have known it was ever there

"I can't say that's the truth, I love you so, so much Joshua Bradley" I cried more and more as I spoke, it started raining. The weather had fit the mood so perfectly the sun was blocked out by the grey clouds and everything around us started drooping under the pressure of the rain

"Then don't leave me, Alex please don't do this to me. You're my world, my everything, my Queen, you're my Rachel" His voice became more hushed, his emotions were all heard in his voice, he felt small and slowly becoming more alone in this world

"If you love something you should let it go, ands that's why I'm setting you free. I love you so much so I want you to be happy with someone that is right for you, so right everything will just be clear for you both" I said coming to the realization that this would be the last time I could call Joshua Bradley my boyfriend

"Goodbye Joshua Bradley" I cried as I stood up, I studied him one more time. I looked into his beautiful brown eyes one last time before I walked away with my hood up

"Alex!" Josh called after me

"Alexandra!"    

A/N

I'm so sad :'(