Remedy

I dont forgive you

I see his blue eyes across the room staring back at me as I debate if he's worth living for after all he's done to me. I hear his voice in my head all the time yet I know I'm not awake. The feeling in my stomach isn't there anymore I fear he's found out we won't be parents after all. I kept the secret for as long as I could. I did this knowing on my heart he wouldn't stick around to take care of either one of us. I couldn't bear the thought of being a single mother with no job or family to help support me or the baby. His temper made my choice clear, I would start a fight that would end this battle in my head and my heart once and for all. I knew once the baby was no longer he would stay with me and there would be anyone to get the in way if that choice. Call me cold call me a bitch but in the end it was my choice and mine alone.

I see Shannon and Giselle's in this dream as well. I knew they only came back to brag about how happy theirs lives have been since Jay and I were no longer a part of it. She's always been the selfish one whom hold grudges and never forgives unless she feels fit to, which is very rare. Now I see Jared waking towards me his smile has disappeared. Part of me wants to run away as far as I can. The other part wants to hear him say how much he loves me and can't bear to live without me. His hand reaches for mine and I look in his eyes as he begins to speak, "I know you will survive this and come out ok. I'm not gonna tell you I love you because I don't know if I do anymore. I secretly wished that when you passed out you would die right there ok the floor. I guess I wasn't so lucky. I want you to know that baby that Giselle says is Shannon is really mine. You will see what I mean when you wake up..."

Is this really happening or am I just dreaming?

I felt my heart shatter hearing his confession. He's lying I told myself over and over again. It's not the truth he's playing head games with me. Now I didn't know if I was hallucinating or if this dream was something that had really happened.

Jared gasped loudly and hugged me tight. "I'm so happy your awake I missed you so much! How are you feeling?"

Do I dare him about my dream? Hell why not! "Where's the baby at?"

Jay and everyone looked at each other and I knew they wanted to all tell me something I already knew.

"She's gone. While you were on the coma she passed on and we couldn't save her. I'm so sorry I-"

"Why did you make another child with Giselle and hurt me so badly, wasnt our child enough?"

"You never told me you were expecting first of all and second, that child isn't mine."

"What about the blue eyes Jared and her lips and cheeks?"

"How did you know he had blue eyes for Christ's sake you were asleep?"

"I had this nightmare you told me that you cheated and never wanted our child so you created one with Giselle behind my back. You crushed me I hurt so bad inside right now. I don't even know if I'm dreaming about this conversation right now. Do you really love me and your not lying that's not your child?"

"It's not his baby Kali and yes your fully awake and I promise you he loves you so much. If you want proof , the man hasn't slept much in the last year and stayed by your bedside every single day. You did lose your baby only due to the fall you took ended her life. Do you remember any of that?"

Of corse I do why wouldn't I remember? "I remember he pushed me I blacked and that's all I can recall. I saw the look in his eyes as he shoved me it was evil and heartless. He said he didn't love me yet I swore I could faintly hear the bastard say I love you please don't die and only did he admit it when I lose my kid."

"Our child remember?" He laid his head on my stomach and I shoved him away. I still felt that dream was real, that he was using me to not feel like a prick for what he'd done. After all he did kill our child.

"Mine! You wanted nothing to do with me until you leaned of my secret Jared. Admit it you know I'm telling the truth. So tell me why are you really here? Why did you all of a sudden wanna be let inside my heart? Where were you when I was pleading for you to just love me?"

He got angry and shoved the chair back hard onto the floor. I didn't care because deep inside I knew he was just acting and pretending. "I've been here for you this whole time have you not been listening to a single fuckin thing we've said to you? You've been in a coma and you had a bad dream which you think is real but it's not. I'm here because I love you and that's all." He left the room suddenly and slammed the door shut.

I wasn't gonna let him off that easily. He almost killed me and succeeded in ending the life of my kid. He was gonna have to work a lot harder to make all of this right.