Mean Girls Musical Oneshots

Attack of the Roomba: Janis x Regina

Credit to my name is Reginald George on AO3

If there was one thing Janis Sarkisian loved, it was sleep. So, naturally, when Toxic by Britney Spears was blaring through the hallways of the dorm, it was going to piss her off. "Fuck," Janis grumbled. "Don't they know some people are trying to sleep?" Whoever was playing the music came back down the hallway, passing her door once again. She huffed and swung her legs out of bed, determined to give whoever it was a peace of her mind. "Janis," Cady, her roommate, whispered from her bed. "What are you doing?" "I'm gonna shut whoever that is up," Janis said, stalking to the door and throwing it open just as the music playing asshole was passing by again. "Alright, listen the fuck up-" She stopped in her tracks. At her feet was a Roomba. A goddamn Roomba, roaming the halls at four in the morning, playing fucking Britney. She stopped the little machine with her foot, turned it off, and picked it up, carrying it into her room. "Cady, come look at this." She held out the Roomba. Cady looked at it and laughed, hard. "Oh my God, that's hilarious!" Janis, however, was less than amused. "Not when it's waking me up in the middle of the night! I'm gonna go find the asshole who's responsible for this thing." Cady sighed and lay back down, knowing there was no way to stop Janis once she'd set her mind to it. Janis took Cady's silence as approval and pulled on her combat boots. She looked a little ridiculous, in Star Wars boxers, a baggy mens shirt, and her boots, but she was sure her pure rage would turn ridiculous into menacing. She didn't have to go far to find the owner of the Roomba. "Louie!" a blonde girl in tight jeans with an ass that totally didn't distract Janis from her mission at all called out. "Louie! Where are you?" She caught sight of Janis and came running over as quickly as she could in three inch heels. "Oh, thank God you found him!" She grabbed the Roomba out of her arms. "I'm sorry, what? This devil machine has a name?" "The blonde fixed her with a stare. "Louie. Short for Louboutin. And don't you ever call him a devil machine again." Janis just stared at her. Who was this ridiculously attractive bitch to chastise her after sending her little vacuum from hell through the hallways? "Okay, well, 'Louie' was playing his music way too loudly for four a.m., so if anyone should be angry here, it's me! And I am! Angry, I mean. Also, why are you even awake right now? Why are you dressed? Why was he playing music in the first place? How do you lose track of a fucking Roomba?" The girl in front of her looked to be rattling all of the questions off in her head. She quickly snapped back into her power pose, Louie in one hand, held protectively close to her chest, her other on her hip. "I'm awake and dressed because some of us actually have a life on Friday nights, he was playing music because he's programmed to when he's vacuuming, and I lost him because my idiot friend Gretchen spilled chips all over the floor on the way to our dorm and thought it would be a good idea to have Louie clean up her mess, but then she left him outside, completely unsupervised, so I'm sorry he woke you up, but we're both victims here. Also, your Chewbacca boxers make you look like a huge dork, so you're lucky you're really hot." She said all of this seemingly in one breath while Janis looked on, impressed though she'd be loathe to admit it. She flushed as the girl finished speaking, her brain going from pissed to "wow I'm gay" in a matter of seconds. "You're really hot, too," she blurted out, quickly slapping a hand over her mouth. "I mean, uh... Jesus, I need sleep." The blonde smirked at her and cocked her head to the side. "I'm Regina," she said. "Got a name, Chewy?" "Yes," Janis said, mentally kicking herself when she realized she was supposed to give her her name. "It's Janis. I'm- I'm Janis." "Well, Janis," Regina let her eyes trail appreciatively up Janis' body, making sure Janis realized exactly what she was doing, "let me take you out for coffee tomorrow. To make up for disturbing your sleep. I'm sure you'll need some caffeine." Janis agreed enthusiastically (too enthusiastically?) and exchanged numbers with Regina, promising to be up by eleven for their coffee date. Maybe being woken up by a Roomba was kinda funny after all.