Tomorrow, Today (COMPLETED)

First Cycle

"Ok, here goes the drugs. You let me know if you feel uncomfortable or hurt anywhere, I'll dilute it more. You can press this button in case you need anything. I'll be around".
The nurse in charge for Jinyoung today is a middle aged nurse who's very nice and cheerful. She told Jinyoung not to worry much seeing Jinyoung's face when he first arrived to the chemo room. Jinyoung's pretty nervous about the chemo. He couldn't sleep last night eventhough the doctor advised him to have plenty of rest before the treatment.
This morning, he had radio interview with the rest of GOT7. No one brought anything up about cancer nor chemo. They just acted like usual and Jinyoung's pretty glad that they did. Sometimes Mark hyung or JB hyung would squeeze his hands but it's nothing unusual because they do that a lot. They sang and answered the questions happily, they even played games in which Youngjae got lost and received punishment. Jinyoung laughed with his heart seeing his favorite dongsaeng acted cute. The interview was fun and it managed to distract Jinyoung's mind for a while. When they finished though, he came to a realization that he would have to be at the hospital after this and the mixed feeling came back. Jinyoung tried to smile the best he could, but it came out awkward.
JB got the signal he immediately came holding Jinyoung's hands. As they went back together, Jinyoung confessed that he's very nervous and ready to break down. JB hugged him tight, Mark and Jackson both patted his head and said it's all going to be alright. Jinyoung didn't cry, but he couldn't stop shaking. JB asked if he should come with Jinyoung to the bospital, the younger man declined saying that the leader already done so much. JB, Mark and Jackson made him promised that he would call or text them if he needs anything. Mark gave Jinyoung his sweater, telling the younger man to wear it so he wouldn't feel alone. Jackson gave him his jade bracelet, telling him that chinese people believe jade has a healing power. JB gave him a kiss in his forehead, telling him to stay strong and that he's not alone.
Jinyoung is now inside the private chemo room, wearing Mark's sweater,  Jackson's bracelet, and chanting the words JB said to him. The room is just a small square room. Jinyoung relieved that the wall is painted light blue, it matches with the carpet and the blanket. A cozy sofa, flat screen tv and coffee table make the room less like hospital ward. It looks more like hotel room. Jinyoung's mom is sitting on the sofa, praising that the hospital is so luxurious and she never knew there's a hospital like this in real life. Jinyoung laughs at his mom who then pinches his cheeks for mocking his mother.
But the truth is, Jinyoung can't stop staring at IV pole on the side of his bed. Two bags are hanging on top of it. One is saline for hydration and the other is the chemo drug, ABVD. The saline bag isn't covered so Jinyoung can see the clear fluid dripping from the bag. ABVD bag is covered with blue and red stripes bag. Jinyoung can't really tell how much it is, but then again, maybe that's the point. So the patients won't be staring at it constantly waiting for the fluid to run out. All Jinyoung knows, the fluid color is red, or maybe orange-ish. It feels really weirs watching the fluid dripping through the tube, to a some sort of box shaped monitor then to his vein. Jinyoung feels nausea when the red fluid goes to him but Jinyoung thinks it isn't the side effect but rather because of his nervousness. After he gets used to it,his feeling become relatively better. As promised, dr Song gave him a book to read. Surprisingly, it suits Jinyoung's taste. In fact, it's from one of Jinyoung's favorit author, Guillaume Musso. Dr Song told him he has lots of books even at his house because his house is like a nerd's lair. Jinyoung laughed, remembering his own dorm. There's always books here and there. Dr Song told him to keep it as a commemoration of their meeting and ask Jinyoung if he has a recommendation too. The small talk with the doctor gave him a booster and made him to like the doctor even more.
So far so good, Jinyoung and his mother talking about small things like the members of GOT7, Jinyoung's chat with hyung line back in the car. Jinyoung's mom is so proud of them and she keeps prasing them because they are such good men. They even talk about Coco and Jaebeom and Bambam's cats. Jinyoung waits for something to happen, like feeling nauseaus or dizziness but it doesn't happen. An hour, two hours has passed and he's still chatting happily with his mother who now talking about Jinyoung's friend at home. Jinyoung feels happier and calmer he opens his books. After reading a few lines, he yawns. Lack of sleep from last night makes him feel sleepy and drowsy the letters in the book become blurry. Not long after, the book falls from his hands as Jinyoung closes his eyes and goes to a deep slumber.
"Jinyoung-ah, wake up dear. The chemo is done".
Jinyoung feel someone shaking his body gently. Jinyoung opens his eyes to his mother and dr Song standing beside his bed. Jinyoung feels cold in the back of his palm as someone swabs cool liquid. The nurse has deattached his IV and now she's putting a skin colored band aid.
How long has he been asleep? Jinyoung can't even remember what time he fell asleep.
"Congratulations, Mr Park Jinyoung, you've completed your first round of chemotherapy. It's not as bad as you think, is it?", dr Song smiles very fondly, "do you feel dizzy or nauseaus?".
Jinyoung tries to hold grasp of his surrounding while he gets up. Everything seems clear to him so he shakes his head.
dr Song continues checking his vitals, "everything looks good. I'm happy to say you're clear to go. But remember you must drink plenty of water. I recommend drinking 10-12 glasses of water everyday to avoid dehydration and to wash the toxin out off your body. The chemical in the drug comes out in urine and feces, make sure you flush as much as you can so other people wouldn't get exposed. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, make sure you do exercise regularly, even though it's just walking around. If you suffer nausea or vomitting more than four episodes a day, give me a call. If you have fever exceed 39°C, give me a call. Or if there's something you feel unusual at all, you have to be honest with your condition because every symptom matters. I already scheduled house visit every week so you can discuss with me if you're feeling something abnormal. The nurse already prepared anti emetic drugs and other drugs that i prescribed to lessen the side effects. You may need them, you may not.. don't we all just want to be ready".
After saying thank you to the doctor and nurses, they go home.
"Hope I won't see you until your next chemo", the doctor cheerily sends them away.
"Dr Song is very nice", Jinyoung's mom comments, "he reminds me of haraboji, dont you think?".
"He does", Jinyoung chuckles, "Eomma, can we stop by meat restaurant? I'm hungry, I want to eat meat".
"Aigoo, my son loves meat very much... let's buy something to eat then. Do you want a take out or just eat at a restaurant?".
"Let's just eat at a restaurant, it's been a while since the last time we got out only the two of us. I know a good place around here".
Jinyoung feels his cellphone buzzing, he takes it out and surprised that his members sent a bunch of messages. Nearly 50 unread messages, most of them are from Jackson though. He chuckles and replies them saying that he has completed first cycle of chemo and he feels like his usual self if not better. He also says he's on the way to eat meat and he feels really starving he can eat whole pig. Jinyoung does feel starving, he orders double portions and finishes them in no time. He feels happy because none of the side effect he's been worried about occurs.
He comes home to find a big parcel of fruit has been delivered to his house. It's from Mark. He calls Mark to say thank you. Mark is very relieved to hear Jinyoung's cheered voice and he tells him to ask him to go to the meat restaurant next time because he will treat Jinyoung all the meat he wants. Jinyoung says its a promise and closes the call. He then joins his father and sisters in front of the fireplace to chat. It's a bit awkward because he hasn't done this in a long time. He's used to live alone in the big city while his sisters are living near their parent. It's been a while since they gather like this. Even in Chuseok, Jinyoung can't come home sometimes. He realize
that he doesn't give enough times for his family and feel slightly guilty. Maybe this illness is a God's way of giving him times for his family.
Jinyoung feels a bit tired after a while he excuses himself to bed. His mother puts a bottle of water on his bedside table and kiss him goodnight, Jinyoung feels like a kid again. Jinyoung feels very warm and comfortable in his bed. As he closes his eyes, he says a prayer to God. He thanks God that he's feeling okay, and hopes the next day will be as good as today. He's really glad and relieved, he 's feeling positjve and confident. Chemo turns out to be better than he thought. If this circumstances continues, maybe he can ask JYP hyung to give him more time to work? Dr Song says it's good to have activities, anyway. Should he really ask JYP hyung? Good thoughts flowing around his head. He can just do the chemo while working. It's no different than usual.
Or is it too early to think of it?
Jinyoung doesn't know what time it is,  he only knows it's still dark outside. He opens his eyes abruptly to a sudden wave of nausea, it hits him so hard he barely makes it to the toilet. Jinyoung throw the content of his stomach up in the toilet bowl. He regrets of having lots of meat because the smell of it comes back with a revenge like it's been shoved to his nostril it makes him pukes more biles.  In the middle of puking his gut out, Jinyoung hears people coming and saying things to him but he just can't focus because he's too busy throwing up. Even when his stomach is empty, it keeps on churning and he keeps on gagging but nothing comes out other than saliva, he spits it out. Jinyoung's tears flowing, his face is all red, his stomach is burning, killing him every second. The vomiting stops mercifuly after a solid half an hour, Jinyoung falls limp as he has no energy left after the episode. He just lays in someone's arm who he thinks is his father.
"Jinyoung ah, gwenchana? Do you want to drink water?", he hears someone saying softly. But when his brain is finally processing the word 'drink', the nausea is back and he has to go back to the toilet bowl for another 20 minutes. He remembers the doctor said to call if he suffer vomitting more than four episodes, he wonders if this is count as one episode or two.  Jinyoung's stomach finally settles after his second round but he's too damn tired to move from the bathroom. Jinyoung's father backpiggied him to the bed.
"C... cold...", Jinyoung shivers. His limbs are all freezing and he can't stop shaking. A thick blanket is draped over his shivering body, and another one because his body can't seems to be warmer despite of the thick blanket. Jinyoung feels helpless, he just let everyone do whatever their doing to him. There are hands rubbing his cold hands and feet, and Jinyoung's mother is giving him water and anti emetic drug. Jinyoung gags, but relieved when the water seems to be settle down. Someone is wiping his sweat while he's whispering that he's cold over and over.
Fuck chemo, Jinyoung keeps on cursing in his head.
The vomitting episode repeats several times that night, including an episode where he miss the toilet bowl and puke all over the bathroom floor and all over himself her mom has to change his clothes. Jinyoung's mom is ready to call the doctor when Jinyoung is able to finally fall asleep that dawn. He's still shivering, but his brrathing is steadier, not labored like before.
Jinyoung's dad is practically camping in Jinyoung's room, ready if another bout strikes. Thank goodness it doesn't strike again.
When Jinyoung wakes up, it's already sunny outside. He feels like crap, his head and his body hurts like it's been smashed with a wrecking ball. His limbs are cold and he can't stop them from shaking. Jinyoung sees a bottle of water on his bedside table and he gags because he feel nauseaus, but he knows he has to keep his fluid so he drinks it anyway. He tries hard to hold it down. After struggling for a while, the water does manage to settle down.
He glances at the clock and surprised that it's already 11am. Jinyoung moves his legs and hisses suddenly because his joints are killing him. He force himself to move, every movement sends him to agony. When he sets his feet on the floor, it feels like the floor is covered with icy nails. It pricks his sole painfully. Limping, he walks slowly to the bathroom.
"Jinyoung-ah, are you alright?", his father's voice is heard from outside the bathroom while Jinyoung looking himself in the mirror. He looks hideous, his skin is so pale it's almost blue, there are dark cicles under his eyes. Jinyoung can see his resemblance to zombies in the movies.
"Yes, I'm okay", Jinyoung answered. But it doesn't sound like him at all.
Fucking chemo, Jinyoung says to himself. It's just cycle one, day one and he's already feeling like hell. Jinyoung sighs, is he really making the right decision? He has to. He has to go to work too, that will make him better, he's sure of it. Nothing makes him happier than being with GOT7 and IGOT7. He clenches his fist, everything will be alright.
But then, nausea hits him.
Great.