Tomorrow, Today (COMPLETED)

Final Sprint

Last spurt, final sprint.

It's when a runner is coming toward the end of the race. When the finish line is already in sight, but there are so many things that can go wrong, so many obstacles, so many competitors. It's when the sportsmen put their hardest effort to earn the first place. They have to put on this final sprint and use every last bit of energy that they have. This is definately the hardest moment in all of sports. It takes mental, physical and spiritual strength to give it their all in these last round. It can be the difference maker.

Jinyoung wants to think of it as his final fight too. This is his final sprint. Everyone is cheering for him, staying at his side everytime he opens his eyes. Eventhough he's struggling hard, eventhough it's painful, but he tries his best to hold on. Jinyoung has a feeling that every cell in his body is fighting for him now, giving their last effort toward the end of the treatment. 

It's never easy for Jinyoung. The last chemo is intense, Jinyoung hardly has energy left to do anything after. He spends most of his times sleeping nowadays. He barely able to open his eyes days after the chemo is done, he barely able to do basic task, he just lets everyone smothering him, shoving him with whatever, Jinyoung doesn't even have the energy to think anymore. He becomes very passive, just lying on his bed, occasionally waking up just to fall back to sleep few minutes later.

Diarrhea and fever makes his emotion plunges. Jinyoung feels very helpless when the nurse has to put an adult diaper on him after he wet the bed because he's too tired to even feel that his bladder was full.  Jinyoung just lies down in silent, trying so hard not to cry everytime the nurse is checking on him, wiping his sorry ass, changing his diaper and cooing him like a baby. Jinyoung's dignity is crumpled to the bottom but he's too weak to pick anything that's left. There is talk about setting him up with TPN tube because he doesn't get enough nutrition despite of him giving his best effort to eat. Whatever. Jinyoung lives his days like a puppet, he just lets everyone do whatever needs to be done to him. He's way beyond angry, humiliated, sad, he doesn't have any emotion left. Sometimes though, he would feel agitated at random times. Probably side effect of the drugs.

Strangely, Jinyoung always feel a lot calmer when he sees GOT7 members standing outside of his glass window. Jinyoung always smiles when he opens his eyes, seeing their figure watching over him from outside. Jinyoung's hospital bed is now situated closer to the window, so that he can see the face of his friends better.  Jinyoung usually doesn't say anything because he's too weak. And eventhough he can only see them for a few minutes due to his lack of ability to keep his eyes open for a long time, Jinyoung feels satisfied. GOT7 members understand that too, they don't want Jinyoung to fight on his own. They want to fight along with Jinyoung. No matter how hard it is to see Jinyoung in pain, how thin he is now, how his chapped lips are sometimes bleeding, how weak he is now that he constantly sleeping, they are still standing beside him. They don't need to say anything, they just want Jinyoung knows that nobody is leaving his side.

For GOT7 members, it's like seeing Jinyoung in coma again, because he seldom wakes up now. Eventhough the doctor assured them that it's only the side effect of the drugs and many other things. It's better for Jinyoung to have as much rest as he can in this time being. His bone marrow is severely damaged it's lost its ability to produce new blood cells, so Jinyoung's body is trying to build a defense mechanism to protect itself. It looks like Jinyoung's body is shutting down, but it's actually running in sleep mode so the body wouldn't take too much toll. Everyone is listening to the doctor and trying to think positively. Jinyoung just needs more rest than usual, it will get better eventually after the side effects wand off. Or at least they hope so.

The diarrhea finally stops after a few days, but the fever is still persistent. It's worsen by the fact that some areas of Jinyoung's skin begin to develop rashes, they are red and itchy from the radiation. His whole body is hurting, and it's extremely painful when someone touches him. Jinyoung cries when his father gives him sponge bath, he doesn't hold it back. His emotion is raw, and he doesn't care anymore. Even his father can't hide his tears, his heart breaks everytime Jinyoung cries in pain. He wants to take Jinyoung's pain away, he wants to protect his baby so much, he feels guilty knowing that he's not able to.