Another week has passed after Jinyoung's breakdown. Jinyoung still feels sorry and embarassed that he has made everyone worried. Everyone said it's okay, but Jinyoung still feels ashamed. He's not the type of person who'd lash out, even when he's really angry he would keep it to himself, finding other things to do to keep his emotion under control.
Honestly he has been trying to hide all the negative feelings he has ever since he got diagnosed. There are times when he feels depressed, wants nothing but to bury his pathetic ass inside a cocoon and sleep it out. There are more times when he just wish that all of this is just a terrible nightmare, he would go to sleep, wishing he could open his eyes the next morning and happy that it's only a dream. So every morning, he opens his eyes, looks at his surrounding, feels the pain throbbing in his bones and gets a bit disappointed because it's all real. His pain makes him realize that he's still fighting cancer and he hates it. But his friends are always there for him. His hyungs and dongsaengs are all there, he has to be strong for them. He's the mom of the group and the most independent one. He's the one everyone goes to when they have problems. Jinyoung's pride keeps his anger at bay. Thanks to his friends, pushing his depression becomes easier. They give him hope, they make him believe that everything is going to be okay and they will be together forever conquering the stage.
But that day, when he saw clumps of hair on his palm, he just lost it. All the pain, anxiety, fear, anger rouse up it made his head hurt. The image of him being not perfect haunted him, he's being dragged to the bottom of despair. He's used to acknowledge that his handsomeness mattered in this insdustry. He didn't become a Visual of the group if he wasn't good looking at the first place. So he's built a confidence in him, acted accordingly to his title, avoid anything that would make him look bad. But this sickness took that away from him, this sickness takes everything away one by one. He's angry and sad, but mostly he's just scared. He lost control of himself, he's lost control of everything in his life and he didn't want to accept it. He lost sight of what's in front of him and it broke his heart.
He kept pulling his hair and they all fell down. Never in his life Jinyoung felt so crumbled. He felt empty, he thought it's going to be the end of him. No more Park Jinyoung of GOT7, he's just a cancer patient.
JB coming in was like a light to him, pulling him out of the darkness. JB is a person he trust the most. They have been together for so long he practically sees JB as his other half. JB's warm hands raised him from his depression. Without saying anything, Jinyoung knew JB understood. He always does. They spent a long time hugging and crying. Amazingly, the emptiness inside Jinyoung's heart slowly faded. When he's done crying, the leader hugged him still. JB's broad chest gave him peaceful sanctuary. Slowly, his senses came back to him, making him felt calm again.
JB called dr Song after he calmed down, telling him that Jinyoung started to loose his hair but hurt himself because he scratched his itchy head too strong. He asked if there's anything that can be applied to the wounds and reduce the itching. Dr Song told him he's going to send some supllies for them and he told JB that it's better to shave his head because it would make the transition easier. So they shaved Jinyoung's hair that day. Jinyoung felts extremely sad, but he accepted anyway. There's no more tears left to cry. He just sat there while JB shaved his head carefully.
"It's only hair, it'll grow again when you're done with chemo", JB said to him when he shaved Jinyoung's head.
"
In fact, you're still looking handsome", JB said, "don't think about it too much. Just focus on your treatment".
JB applied the cream dr Song sent them it actually felt good. Jinyoung's head felt lighter than before and he could think much clearer now.
Over the past few days, Jinyoung started to loose not only his hair, but also his eyelids, his eyebrows, his legs hair, even his facial hair doesn't grow anymore.
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