Tomorrow, Today (COMPLETED)

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It's funny how Jinyoung is so dependant to GOT7 now, even with the maknaes. He feels safe with them as they always give their shoulders for Jinyoung. It was never occured in Jinyoung's head that he could be this clingy. But lately, he feels a bit insecure if he's alone. When he's alone he tends to think negative thoughts. The harder he tries to keep them away, the more the negative thoughts come to his mind. When he's with his friends, they all make him forget about his worries. They are his new sanctuary now and it seems like the members don't mind, they prefer clingy Jinyoung than introvert Jinyoung. Jinyoung is also more open with his feelings lately. He would say it directly if he feels unwell or if he's feeling bad in general. Letting all his emotion out makes it easier for him to move on.
He goes out with them several times for lunch, he doesn't really care about what people would say anymore. He also met with some of his friends from the office. They are very supportive, it makes Jinyoung feels sorry for neglecting them earlier.
Random member would show up in front of his door almost everyday, it's surprising.
Even Bambam and Jackson who have the busiest schedule would suddenly pop in.
"I have to see you before I go to the airport", Jackson said one day, "I won't be able to meet you for a few days. Make sure you eat well, eat your medicine, work out. Call JB hyung or Mark hyung if you don't feel good".
Jackson was about to cry when he left, Jinyoung found it touching but funny at the same time. Jackson gave him extra long hug after that, and another hug, and another one Jinyoung had to remind him he could miss his flight.
Unfortunately, his physical condition doesn't go along with his mental improvement. He keeps experiencing more side effects from the chemo. He found out now that there are times when his blood platelets is on the low side, he would get nosebleeds and bruisings. It's more annoying than scary to be honest. But it did make his mother went into panic mode when it happened, because the amount of blood coming from Jinyoung's nose is no joke. It stopped though when she was about to call ambulance. Jinyoung is used to being sick now, it's sad. Joint pain would always accompany him almost everyday now, even weeks after his last chemo. It makes him more like an old man who has arthritis than an early twenty years old young man. When the pain is unbearable, his mom would rub his skin gently and apply heating pads until Jinyoung falls asleep. He also experience stomach cramps lately in which the doctor suggested fomentation to lessen the pain. Luckily Jinyoung has lots of warming pads given by fans and also from Mark's family. His mom arrange the heating pads over his stomach, neck and feet. Jinyoung's limbs are constantly cold now and he needs more layer to keep his body warm. He also gets tired easily, even daily tasks like eating or changing his clothes drains his energy.
But even dealing with his pain, Jinyoung chooses to focus on the positive side. There's always someone who is with him whenever he is in pain and it helps a lot. He knows he probably wouldn't make it without any aid from his family, friends and fans.
"If it hurts, just say it. Don't hold it in", Yugyeom said to him. Jinyoung can't stop thinking about how Yugyeom has grown into a fine man it makes him proud of the maknae. When JB comes,  he would read books to Jinyoung and they would have a very long chat about anything that comes in mind. It's always like that with JB, they could talk all day. When Mark comes, they play games. Mark is not only good at computer games but also board games.  Mark would let Jinyoung wins sometimes, because he doesn't want Jinyoung to sulk all day from losing. Youngjae would sometimes join them because he is also a gamer. Jinyoung is never alone. Sometimes, he still needs times for himself though he would read or try to compose music. Either way, he tries to enjoy his time as much as he can.
The weather is seems to be warmer lately as the spring comes. The snow is completely melting, the smell of fresh ground is in the air everywhere Jinyoung goes and he hopes to see flowers blooming soon. When he came to the house for the first time, it was the end of fall season, all the trees in the garden had shed their leaves. He can't wait to see how it looks like in spring. Jinyoung often peeks from his room's window and imagine that the garden will be full of colorful flowers. There are cherry blossom trees too, he expects them to fully bloom maybe next month.
Nearing his fourth chemo, the doctor orders more blood work than usual. Usually, a nurse would come to the house, draw blood and bring it to the lab for testing to see if he's good enough for chemo, Jinyoung doesn't have to go to the hospital. But this time, as the doctor wants to see the progress of the treatment he asks Jinyoung to come and do more tests including another CT scan. Jinyoung feels emo since morning, this is more nervewrecking than monthly evaluation he had to do when he was still a trainee.  That time, he knew what to expect, he could always predict the result. This time, he has no control of anything and it pisses him.
However, when he steps out of his room that morning, he is surprised to see JB sitting on the sofa, reading newspaper.
"Hyung, what are you doing here?", Jinyoung asks, he can't hide his smile though.
"I'm going with you to the hospital", JB puts his newspaper away.
"Why?", Jinyoung asks again.
"Because I know you are going to need someone to hold your hands", JB smiles at him with warm look on his eyes.
Jinyoung can't stop smiling.
And JB does hold Jinyoung's hand when a nurse draws his blood. JB is not very different from Jinyoung, he also hates needles. So it must be very terrifying for Jinyoung to have his blood drawn while thinking about how this bloodwork will determine his next treatment.JB can't stop thinking about Jinyoung, he has to be there for him. At least to distract Jinyoung from thinking anything negative. When Jinyoung goes into CT scan, he was so anxious because obviously he can't come inside the room.
The tests take nearly all day, Jinyoung is very happy when it's done, but he's very tired. JB gives him two choices, wheelchair or piggyback. Jinyoung picks the first one because how can he ask for piggyback when the hyung is already done enough for him today? Eventhough he is sure JB's broad shoulder is really comfortable right now. So JB pushes Jinyoung's wheelchair, sometimes JB would tease Jinyoung by pushing it faster and the younger one would squeal and JB would laugh at him.
The result comes in a week later, the day Jinyoung has his next cycle. Dr Song already awaits them at his office. As usual, Jinyoung is astonished with the amount of books the doctor keeps in his office. Both JB and Jinyoung likes the doctor's office because it looks more like a library than an office.
JB accompanies Jinyoung again today. Last night, Jinyoung personally asked JB to come with him and his parent to the hospital and JB said he'd gladly go with Jinyoung.
"How are you feeling today, mr. Jinyoung?", dr Song asks. His expression is as friendly as usual.
"I'm good", Jinyoung gives the doctor short reply. Today is a good day indeed, he woke up this morning without joint pain and he actually felt healthy after a while. But he's getting chemo today so he probably has to get ready for another bout of feeling miserable again. Plus, his test result is out. Jinyoung tries not to think about it too much, but it still makes his stomach churning.
"I have your test result here", dr Song shows Jinyoung the papers in front of him and turns on his laptop.
Jinyoung, his mother, his father and JB listen to the doctor attentively. They all share the same expression.
"Comparing the test result before and after you got chemotherapy, I'm afraid that we might have to prolong your treatment", the doctor says sympatheticaly.
Jinyoung's heart sinks.
"Isn't it working?", Jinyoung mother asks him.
"I don't believe it isn't working at all. But, the test result shows that the cancer cell maybe changing in density, it's mutated or broke itself to softer tissues. When it happens it becomes more aggressive. It's showing us that the cells are fighting the chemo drugs we are using".
"So what will you do?", Jinyoung's father asks.
JB instinctively search for Jinyoung hand and holds it tight. He knows Jinyoung must be feeling scared right now.
"I have already made modification to the chemo drug and increase the dosage a little bit. You will have eight cycles in total. And we will continue with radiation therapy after".
Eight. Jinyoung can't believe his ear. He is getting two more extra chemotherapy. Means more days of feeling miserable. And radiation. God knows what the radiation will do to his body. Thinking about it just making him sick.
"I think we also have to think about the possibility of having a stem cell transplant".
"Stem cell transplant?", Jinyoung's mom asks.
"With higher dose of chemo, there is a risk of damaging the bone marrow. It can be replaced by receiving a transplant of blood-forming stem cells to rebuild the bone marrow. I already collected blood stem cells from Jinyoung's bone marrow before he received chemo treatment. I will also need all of the family members to be tested if there's a any match. Again, it's only for precaution. He may need it, he may not. We'll evaluate the result again within the few cycle to see".
Silent lingers in the room.
Dr Song sighs, "I know it must be shocking, I don't like it either. But human body is really misterious and sometimes we have to make guesses on how we should deal with even the tiniest part of our body. Indeed, cancer cells are really tricky and we can't know for sure how it will react to a certain anti cancer drugs, but we still have a lot of options to try. Like I said, I already modified the combination of the drugs. Hope this new drug is more suitable to fight the cancer that you have".
Dr Song looks at Jinyoung who is now drowning in his own thoughts.
"Is there anything you wish to ask?", dr Song still looks at Jinyoung. He feels really attached to his patient. Jinyoung is definitely stiil very young. Sitting in front of him surrounded by his family and friend makes him even smaller. His eyes is now filled with uncertainty. Dr. Song has seen those looks numerous times during his practice as a doctor and he always hates it. It makes him feels like he has failed them.
"I... I don't know", Jinyoung's trembling voice breaking dr Song's heart.
Jinyoung's father who is sitting beside him pulls his son to his embrace. With deep and calm voice, he tells his son, "Jinyoung ah, it's not the end of everything. Dr Song said he's already made adjustment to the drug, so let's not waste his effort. I know it's hard to take in. Me and your mother is still processing this as well. But we gotta move forward. It's too early to give up. Let's do this".
Jinyoung's father looks at dr Song, "so we have to do test to see if our bone marrow fits Jinyoung's?".
Dr Song nods, "yes mr. Park, and we'll keep it frozen and restore it so we can use it anytime we need. I can assure you that we have advanced method in harvesting bone marrow so it will be quick".
"Okay then, I'll tell Jinyoung's sister to come here so we all can get it done as soon as possible", Jinyoung's father turns to his son, "let's fight this together".
"Can anyone be a donor even when the person has no familial relation to Jinyoung?", JB asks suddenly.
Jinyoung automatically turns his head because he knows what the hyung is thinking.
"Andwae!", Jinyoung snaps, "if you're thinking about being the donor, I won't accept".
"There are possibilities, but best match usually comes from direct relatives", dr Song smiles to JB. He understands the young man's feeling and touched by his sincerity.
Dr Song escorts them to Jinyoung's chemo room after the meeting. Jinyoung is still trying to digest what the doctor has said to him. But he knows his father is right. His father is always right. He may feel like he's losing right now, but there's no other option than to keep fighting this. Probably JB is as scared as him right now, Jinyoung can feel it.
"Jinyoung ah, annyeong", a female nurse greets them when they arrive to the room. During his couple session, Jinyoung has made new friends in the hospital. Nurse Jin is mid thirty and she doesn't have any clue about idols. She doesn't have any interest on celebs, that makes Jinyoung feels more comfortable. She has a brother who's same age with Jinyoung so she treats Jinyoung like his own brother.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Park, Mrs Park", she greets Jinyoung parent as well, "Oh and you're here too Jaebum ah".
"Jaebum ah, if you don't mind, can you help me to look out for Jinyoung for a while? Eomma and I need to go for a coffee", Jinyoung's father tells JB.
Jinyoung's mother caressing Jinyoung's hair softly. Jinyoung knows she's been holding down her tears but she doesn't want her son to see her crying. That's why his father takes her away for a while. Jinyoung feels so many respect for his parent. Even during stresful times, they manage to keep calm, especially his father.
Jinyoung's parent excuse themselves while nurse Jin is prepping Jinyoung for the chemo.
"Okay, so as usual I'll keep you hydrate first and then we'll move on to the chemo drug. This is slightly different from the previous drug, so I want you to tell me immediately if you feel uncomfortable", nurse Jin hooks Jinyoung's IV in place while eyeing the younger one. 
She pats Jinyoung's back when it's all done. She must be aware that Jinyoung is feeling down at the moment. Jinyoung feels grateful though that she doesn't bring anything up.
"Okay, here goes the drug.. I'll bring extra blanket in case you need more, okay? Tell me if you need anything, I'll get it for you".
After the nurse goes out, it's only Jinyoung and JB in the room. Jinyoung still doesn't know how he's suppose to act so he is just sitting on the bed, fidling with blanket he's holding.
"Scoot over", JB orders Jinyoung.
"Wae, wae?", the younger one is confused, but he scoots over anyway.
JB climbs to Jinyoung's bed and lays beside him, "I'm a bit sleepy. Lay here with me".
"Jinyoung just follows the leader's lead while JB put his arm around Jinyoung's neck to support him better.
"You good?", JB asks.
Laying very close to JB, Jinyoung can smell familiar scent of JB's body. He rest his head on the crook of JB's neck.  He suddenly feels a bit better.
"Jinyoung ah, keep fighting okay?", JB kiss Jinyoung on his forehead, "nobody said it's going to be easy from the start. You're already doing good, you just need extra effort to fight this. Don't be too worried. We're still here and we'll be here until you win this".
"It'll take longer", Jinyoung whispers, his voice is already breaking and he starts crying.
JB turns his body to hug Jinyoung, "We will still be here, no matter how long it takes. We believe in you, Park Jinyoung".
"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough", Jinyoung tries to speak in between his sobbing. 
"Don't.. it's not your fault. Don't worry, Jinyoung ah.. You just have to fight and we'll give you support you need. You are not alone".
Jinyoung continue sobbing until his head hurts and JB keeps on caressing the younger one. Strangely, jinyoung feels lighter. He doesn't know if it's the side effect of the drug or because he cries too much, he becomes very sleepy. Jinyoung closes his eyes.
He is dreaming about performing on stage again. Jinyoung feels happiness fills his heart when green light from ahgabongs shine bright. JB is there, as well as Mark, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom. They are dancing on big stage with lots of dancers. This is where he belongs, Jinyoung thinks to himself. He was born to do this. He was born to be a performer, he knows it. The fans are cheering loud for them  when they finish the song, the light is dimmed for final performance.
Jinyoung looks at his members to find them smiling at him, Jinyoung feels satisfied and smiles back at them.
"...Nyoung ah... Jin... Young.. "
Jinyoung can hear faint voice calling his name. It's his mother's voice.
"Wake up, dear...", the voice is getting louder now.
Jinyoung tries to open his eyes but bright light assaulting him, forcing him shut them down again.
"Jinyoung ssi, can you hear me?", another voice is heard.
The voice sounds familiar but Jinyoung can't seem to remember whose voice is it. Is it grandpa? The voice sounds like grandpas's but it's impossible, his grandpa passed away a long time ago.
His nose is tingling, Jinyoung tries to move his hand to check but he can't move his limbs. His head is starting to hurt too.
"Open your eyes, Jinyoung. Eomma is here, dear", Jinyoung's mom soft voice  guiding him.
Jinyoung squinting his eyes, the pounding in his head becoming more intense.
Why does everyone keep calling his name? Why can't they let him fall asleep?
"Jinyoung ah.. please wake up", this time it's JB's voice.
Strange. Why does he sound so.... scared?
Jinyoung opens his eyes slowly, he is greeted by familiar faces surrounding him. They still look blurry, but Jinyoung can see that they all look very relieved seeing him.
"Wh.. what happened", Jinyoung is surprised when he talks. He barely able to speak, his voice comes out as a whisper. His throat is also hurt.
As Jinyoubg slowly comes to his senses, he realizes itchy thing on his nose must be from the cannula for the oxygen.
Dr Song approaches him. Ah, the familiar voice was dr Song's. He really does look like grandpa, Jinyoung thinks. Even his voice reminds him of his grandfather.
Something cold is pressed on his chest, Jinyoung shivers.
"Jinyoung ssi, do you know where you are?", dr Song asks him.
"Hospital, I'm having chemothetaprapy", Jinyoung answers weakly.
"Very good. Can you follow my finger?", dr Song makes a motion with his finger and Jinyoung tries to focus his eyes to it.
"Very good".
"What's wrong?", Jinyoung asks him.
"You were having reaction to the new drug. I already made adjustment, you will be fine", dr Song smiles at him. He squeezes Jinyoung's hand gently.
Jinyoung finally understands why he feels weird.
Dr Song leaves after making sure Jinyoung is fine.
Jinyoung's mom approaches his son with a glass of water in his hand, "are you thirsty, Jinyoung? Here, drink this".
JB helps Jinyoung to get up because he's feeling very weak. He adjusts the bed's position so Jinyoung can frink comfortably. When the water goes down his throat, Jinyoung feels very relieved. It's been hurting, the water soothes it down.
"Whoa, you scared me then, man", JB tells him, "one second you were sleeping on my chest, and suddenly you were choking and you had fever".
Jinyoung really doesn't remember any of it.
"Sorry", he says.
JB shakes his head, "no, no.. not your fault".
Seeing JB's face makes Jinyoung wants  to apologize again, but he holds it down. 
"It's alright now, you can sleep again if you want", Jinyoung's mom rubs Jinyoung's hand gently.
"No, it's alright", Jinyoung says, "nit sleepy anymore".
"JB hyung", he calls JB.
"Wae?", the leader responds, he moves closer to Jinyoung.
Jinyoung makes a signal for JB to sit beside him.
"I had a dream", Jinyoung tells JB, his voice is still weak, but his eyes beaming with excitement, "feels so real".
"What is it about?".
"Concert..  I was up in the stage with GOT7. I guess I miss performing in front of Ahgases".
"You will be.. just keep fighting. You'll be back on stage, you'll see", JB soothes him. Jinyoung turns his head to JB, his expression changes with fear and sadness. 
"What if...", Jinyoung's words stuck on his throat.
"No, don't even think of it", JB hugs him immediately, "you're going to be fine. It's going to be alright".
JB hugs Jinyoung for a long time, after he's sure the younger man stops shivering.
Jinyoung still feels pretty weak after that, he closes his eyes again wishing to have another beautiful dream. JB stays beside Jinyoung wishing the younger one to stay strong. JB knows that to make Jinyoung stronger, JB has to stay strong himself. Lots of thoughts linger in his head but Jinyoung's health is more important than anything else right now. He's going to make it his priority. Jinyoung really loves performing and JB wants to make sure Jinyoung can go back again to the stage like in his dream.