Adopted By The Sidemen

|Chapter 17|Why?|

Scarlett's POV-2 days later

The last two days had consisted of Simon making sure I was ok, and watching me like a hawk. I could hardly blame, him, yesterday was pretty bad, I was throwing up everywhere, which was grim however it, meant I had gone three days without food, which I'm sure has helped my figure loads more. However, today it was like I'd been miraculously cured. I didn't have a temperature and I hadn't thrown up once. So I knew Simon would try and make me eat something. I was right, I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen for some water, and was greeted with the intoxicating smell of bacon. My first thought, the fat in it. When I opened the door Simon was at the stove, and I knew exactly what that meant. I tried to creep out the room, but he'd already turned around, "Hey, I thought I'd make you a bacon sandwich since you're feeling better,"

"I'm not that hungry to be honest Simon,"

"Bullshit, sit down and wait," He commanded,

"Fine," I sighed and sat down, if he was gunna make me eat, then I'd eat, I'd just excuse myself to the toilet after,

When he finished, he put the plate in front of me, and then just stood and stared at me as I ate, bite after bite, I felt more and more ill, I could taste the salt and it made me feel ill. Don't get me wrong, Simons a good cook, just, I couldn't stand the thought of food, or salt, or fat, or calories. I finished the sandwich and the look on Simons face was so pitiful, he looked so happy at the fact I'd eaten the whole thing, it almost made me feel bad for what I was about to do...almost. But then his face turned to a confused expression, "What's the problem Simon?"

"Nothing, well, just, JJ said you looked insanely skinny, and the other night when I got you changed, you were really skinny, but you ate that sandwich like it was nothing, it just confuses me is all,"

"Simon, I'm a naturally skinny person as it is, I told JJ and I'll tell you, I'm not starving myself again," I mean, I technically wasn't lying, I wasn't technically starving myself,

"Yeah, he said you kept saying that as well, we thought you were just lying to us, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad," He said, "But there is one thing we need to talk about,"

My time frame for the toilet was slowly closing, "Can we talk about whatever it is after I've been to the toilet, I haven't been at all and I'm dying for a wee,"

"Yeah okay, I'll wash up and meet you in ou-my room," He stuttered,

"Okay, see you in a min" I walked out the room and practically sprinted up the stairs, I went into my bathroom, closed and locked the door, grabbed my toothbrush, and without going into graphic detail, because I doubt you'd want me to, threw up the contents of my breakfast.

I sat in the bathroom for five minutes and tried to catch my breath, I flushed the toilet and then went into Simons room and sat on his bed, waiting for him to come upstairs and talk about whatever it is he wanted to talk about. I wasn't waiting to long as soon enough he was sat next to me on his bed, not saying anything just sat there awkwardly.

"Simon? What did you want to talk about?"

"Why do you do it?" He asked me,

"Do what?" I asked, but already knowing where this conversation going,

"Why do you cut yourself?"

I'd been asked this question by so many people in the past, it never got any easier to tell anyone each time, and each time it was explained a different way, only Ethan and Jamie knew the full story, I knew I could be honest with Simon, but some of it I couldn't tell him, so I told him half the truth,

"It's my coping mechanism, the same way some people obsessively clean to cope with the loss of a family member, or a person having a panic attack uses a grounding technique, or you scratch the back of your neck when you're nervous. I show the pain I feel on the inside, on the outside, on my skin, its my body armour, normally someone takes one look at my cuts or my scars and walks the other way," I took a deep breath to prevent myself from crying, and looked down at my hands, "My heads fucked up, there's a few wires loose up there, or some missing completely, I don't know. And as for my heart, it's been through enough heartbreak for one lifetime, or two, my parents abandoned me, they just left, who the fuck does that, who the fuck just leaves there child like that, it's so wrong, it's completely fucked, Ethan and Jamie are the only family I've ever known, and now Jamie's gone, he's fucking gone," I was crying now, no, I was sobbing, "Let's look at it this way, why wouldn't I cut myself, next to everyone I've ever cared about is either or dead, or they left, and anyone who ever claimed to care about me, were liars, or they would never have left me, there has to be something wrong with me right, there has to be something about me that makes everyone hate me, is it my weight, the fact that once I've been used enough then that's that, I'm no good anymore, I fucking hate myself, I despise myself, I look in the mirror and all I see is a broken, hideous, fat girl, who's all alone, with no friends, no family, so why do I cut myself, because I'm broken Simon, I'm broken inside and out, and there's nothing anyone can do to help me, I'm too far gone," I stopped talking, and bit my lip hard, tears none stop streaming from my face, he grabbed my hands slowly and pulled me into him,

"You're not alone anymore ok? I'm here, Ethans here, the other guys are here, Freya's here, the Cal's are here, you don't have to be alone anymore Scarlett, you can trust us, we're here for you, some of us more than others, but we're all here to love and care for you, the people of your past are just that now, the past, we're your future, and we will be till we all die,"

I nodded my head and continued to cry into Simons chest, his breathing was shaky, I could tell he was trying to stop himself from crying. He held me the whole day, we laid in his bed and watched movies till we fell asleep, every so often he'd drop a kiss on my forehead or cheek or hand, or he'd ask if I was ok. And for the first time in a long time I could say yes, and not be lying about it. And as much as I hated to admit it, I think I was starting to catch feelings for Simon.

Sad chapter, I'm sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯