Didn't Know It Before( An EJ Caswell/HSMTMTS Fanfiction)

Chapter Eight: Wondering

"Ok, so tell me more about this song's backstory." Ashlyn said.

I got up, rushing over to my backpack and digging my notebook out, flipping to the page where I'd written everything down.

"Well, here's what I'm thinking. So this is Act Two, so Kelsey has obviously been working with Troy and Gabriella, so she's probably really confident in her composition skills. But at the same time, there are people like Sharpay and Ryan, who assume they know better and tell her that she has no input, her opinion is invalid, and people like Troy and Gabriella who say that she's the play maker, and she wrote the show so she makes the rules..." I said.

"So, she might be wondering, if she pursues a career composing music, are the people she works with going to be like Troy and Gabriella and respect her vision, or like Sharpay and Ryan, and completely ignore it?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yes! Exactly!" I said excitedly. "So, she's pondering this, and if this is really what she wants to do, when Ms. Darbus finds her. She tells Ms. Darbus this, and Ms. Darbus in response..." I gestured to her, since Ms. Darbus was her character, prompting her to think like Ms. Darbus would.

"Well...Ms. Darbus is a drama teacher, "She said, "She loves the theatre, she loves seeing kids get excited about theatre, so maybe...she always dreamed of being an actress, but she made different choices that led her to where she is now, being a drama teacher."

"So basically, we're a before and after image," I concluded, "Ms. Darbus, the result of what happens when you doubt yourself instead of working towards your dreams, and Kelsey, a young girl on the verge of going down the same path."

"Kelsey is wondering what would happen if she chose to go another direction..."

"And Ms. Darbus is wondering the same thing." I said. "And both of them are kind of weighing the options in their heads..." I put my notebook on the keyboard stand, with the sheet music I'd been composing, and I started playing. "So...lets get in their head space. What would they be saying, or thinking. I think Ms. Darbus would start, so..."

"I know what you're thinking right now Kelsey," She said, putting on her best Darbus voice, "I was you, long ago. You're at war...with yourself."

"Seems like a part of me will always have to lose," My eyes widened and I smiled as Ashlyn began singing, "Every single time I have to choose. Swore that it felt right but was I wrong. Is this where I'm supposed to be at all. I don't have the answers, not today. Its like nothing makes the questions go away."

"Write this down!" I exclaimed, ripping out a notebook page and handing it to her. She began writing. I paused, letting her write down everything she'd just sung.

"Um...well, where do I go from there?" She asked. I thought about this, and then began playing again.

"What I'd give to see," I sang, "If the grass was greener."

"Yes!" She wrote that down hurriedly. "Um...on the other side of all I've had and lost. Would it be enough..." I smiled, as a specific word from our conversation popped into my head. I knew right then we had our title.

"Or would I still be wondering." I sang. Ashlyn's jaw dropped.

"Oh my gosh, this sounds incredible!" She exclaimed.  I smiled.

"Wondering," I told her, "I think that's what the song should be called, seeing as its a song about wondering about what could have or what might happen."

"Wondering...I love it." She said.

~~~

We had almost the entire song done by dinner time. Debbie called us downstairs to the most food I think I've ever seen at one time. There was meatloaf, salad, Mashed potatoes, Gravy, Marconi and cheese, peas, corn, something at the far end of the table that I think was pie.

"I wasn't sure what you liked with your meat loaf so...I made all of it." Debbie said. "Worst case scenarios, we're eating leftovers for the next few weeks. Then she gasped. "You're not vegan or a vegetarian are you? I mean, we have salad, but that's not really a meal. I could run out and get some tofu or-"

"It all looks great," I told her, "No, I am not a vegan or a vegetarian, but I appreciate the thought." She smiled at this, and I sat down beside Ashlyn when a man, I'm assuming her Dad, walked into the room.

"It does look great, hon." He said in a gruff voice. "Hey, Megan. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." I answered.

"So..." Debbie said, sitting down at the table. "Any chance we'll get to hear this song?"

"You will just have to wait until the show like everyone else," Ashlyn told her, "But I think we've got an awesome start."

"Now, and correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the girl that Ashlyn said sang an original song at the auditions?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. That was actually my first performance ever, so it was extremely nerve-wracking, but yeah, it was an original."

"Well, if you're not uncomfortable, after dinner, we'd love to hear it." Dennis said.

"You don't have to." Ashlyn told me.

"You want to hear it?" I asked.

"Of course!" Debbie said. "We are an arts family, therefore we support anything 'arts' related. We'd love to hear you sing." I smiled at this.

Ashlyn's parents are  taking more interest in me than my own parents do. They've put more effort and acted more like parents than my parents, and this is only the second interaction I've had with Debbie and the first with Dennis. Its such a refreshing change to what I'm used to, but at the same time...I wish I was used to it. Its an extremely bitter-sweet situation, seeing what parents are supposed to be like but knowing that my own parents are nothing like that. 

How is it painful and sweet all at the same time?

~~~

Dinner finished and we all moved into the living room, and I sang my song for Ashlyn and her parents. Once I finished, they applauded.

"You wrote that?" Dennis asked. I smiled, nodding.

"Sweetheart, you are so talented!" Debbie said, standing up and hugging me. "The songwriting was great, your voice is stunning. I can't wait to hear you sing together!" I smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you all for having me over and for...listening." I said.

"Well...you're welcome anytime." Debbie said. She gave me a look very similar to the one Ashlyn gave me when I got her. I had no doubt that she was just as intuitive as her daughter and knew that I didnt' come over here just to work on the song. "I hope you did what you needed to do." I smiled, nodding.

"I did, very much so. But...I should probably get home." I smiled at Ashlyn.

"Here, I'll walk you out." She stood up and I rushed upstairs, grabbing my bag before walking out with Ashlyn to my car.

"You know she's serious, right?" She said. "You're always welcome here, whether you just want to hang out or...if you just need some people to see you."

"Thank you. Seriously you have no idea what this means to me." I said. She smiled, and then I hugged her before climbing into my car and starting the drive home.