The God Complex: The Book Of Alan, Destroyer Of Worlds

Chapter Forty-Seven

"SHUTTLE 'S NEWS' UPDATE: Paradise awaits! Tune in for live coverage of Supreme Leader Abaddon's heroic mission to eradicate the terrorist organisation: Justice for Earth."

'And welcome back, m'loves, to hour two of the final moments of Susan and her band of terrorists.' Dominique flicked through the list of pre approved questions and talking points handed to him, last minute by Stone and switched to Camera 2. 'A recap of the facts as we know them: the Supreme Leader is heading up the assault after the mysterious disappearance of Colonel Azrael. A crack squadron of EDEN defenders will storm the base and destroy them using a new weapon, designed by Supreme Leader Abaddon himself! Incredible stuff. Joining me, as always, is the ineffable Clem Dillinger. Clem, why is today so important?

'Great to be here, Dom. The reason this is so darn important is because this is our last opportunity to redeem ourselves and gain entry into paradise. Our top Alanists have confirmed the reason the Tasks of Redemption ended so abruptly, was because of Champions like the Archangel and the Tyssen, who systematically failed time and time again to redeem us.'

'Important point, Clem. To elaborate further, we are joined by our resident Susan expert: The Pope.'

'Dominique, please, call me Padre.'

'Padre, how exactly does this redeem, and gain us safe passage into Paradise?'

'It's quite simple, Dominique. We know God is love, but we also know God punishes severely those who stray from his path. It is his way. Susan was responsible for our relationship with à Alan, so it stands to reason that God's absence is the fault of Susan straying from the path. God has abandoned à Susan, not us. Susan's association with these terrorists has led God to give the faithful a very clear test: to win our redemption and gain entry to paradise, we must sacrifice the heretic, Susan the Unworthy.'

'The science is damning against Susan, Clem.'

'It is, Dom. Especially when you remember she also tried to assassinate the man who promised us 'Paradise Awaits,' none other than Supreme Leader Abaddon - the true saviour of the fleet.'

'Sainthood is surely on the cards for that great man, Padre?'

'Undoubtedly, Dominique. It's a simply a question of when?'

Dominique adjusted his diamond encrusted, planet Earth lapels and turned to Camera 4.

'You too can have your say here on S News through our live interactive poll - simply go online and cast your vote on if Supreme Leader Abaddon should be made a saint now, or later. More after the break.'

Chaos reigned in the crowded tunnels of Planet Battenberg. Sirens echoed through the network of caves, alerting all remaining crews to take off immediately.

The plan, what there was of one, was to scatter, then rendezvous at the new Justice for Earth headquarters. A planet Gabe and Jaibles knew only too well.

'The condensation planet?' bemoaned Jaibles for the fourth time.

'It makes sense,' consoled Gabe, 'you remember how difficult it was to find Professor Dawkins on that planet and we had a tracker on him.'

'Exactly. EDEN have already visited that planet and even those idiots will soon realise how few breathable planets there are in this solar system and start retracing their steps. But it's not just that.'

'Dry socks?' queried Gabe.

'Dry socks, dry pants, dry anything. It was a planet made entirely out of damp. I feel miserable just thinking about it.'

'What makes you so sure we're invited?'

'Then let's leave them to it. You want Abaddon dead? Fine. You think being part of this shambles is going to make that easier or harder?'