The God Complex: The Book Of Alan, Destroyer Of Worlds

Chapter Fifty-Three

Gabe stopped to catch his breath, smiling as he looked around the sepia-coloured park of his childhood. It was exactly as he remembered it down to the smallest detail: the scratches on the paintwork of the swings, the markings made by lovers and ex-lovers on the old oak tree in the far corner, the stale white dog mess that lined the edges of the woods, it was all there. Even the smell, that indescribable golden smell of happy childhood memories.

'Come on Gabe!' yelled his seven-year-old self. 'Pass the ball.'

Gabe took another deep breath and sent the ball long to himself, watching as his young legs went scampering after it. He liked to spend at least an hour a day in his happy place, but he had to tone it down after nearly losing a full week and began to lose his grip on reality. They say time flies when you're having fun, but in Paradise it breaks the sound barrier. Those first couple of years simply disappeared into a hazy blur of exploration and discovery.

God told them nothing about Paradise when he opened it up to them, everything they know now they garnered from their own discovery. Trapped within the sealed containment of the Fleet, Gabe initially mourned for their lost chance to escape, but all too soon the lure of their own personal paradise became too much, and with God promising to take them to their new Earth there seemed little reason to sit helpless in the Archangel. Wheeling Monkey's MediBay unit they searched the shuttle finding a blue gridded portal prickling with electricity deep in the cargo bay, then without a second thought, they kissed goodbye to reality and walked into Paradise.

On the other side he found himself alone in the bedroom of his old family home, the distant, familiar sounds of warm laughter and tranquillity coming from downstairs - everyone was there, everyone except Nate, he was nowhere near ready to see him yet. Paradise had spat him out in the safest place he could remember - instant wellbeing.

The glowing blue door had scanned his subconscious, creating his own personal universe based on who he was and what he experienced in life - much the same way it did for the subconscious task of redemption, except without the monstrous representation of your personal insecurities waiting to tear you apart - actually, that wasn't necessarily true, they were here if you knew where to look, but they were contained. Every mood, need and want was all here, tied up in the physical embodiment of his subconscious memories. You know how some people would say they needed to 'find their calm or happy place,' well here you could physically do that. You could visit your Calm place, be it a town, city or a whole country - whatever form your subconscious deemed necessary for you to understand. Then it populated it, mostly with people you knew, like actors playing out your best bits, but often with total strangers: faces you passed on the street once decades ago, stored and recorded for no other reason than it happened. Sometimes a version of yourself would be there, sometimes it wouldn't, it all depended on how you remembered it or how your brain interpreted it at the time.

Each world was bespoke and tailored to your own personal psyche, and it adapted to however you felt that day - like a living film set with you as the hero. All your greatest, happiest and finest moments in life were made real, however, so were all your weakest, saddest and most shameful.

There are those who need their demons roaming around wallowing in self-pity to make them feel better - Gabe didn't. His were separated by city walls, rivers and sometimes oceans. If he wanted, he could travel to Fear or Guilt but only if his subconscious deemed it important to keep him happy, otherwise they were locked away, as far away from everything else as they could go. An endless ocean protecting him from himself - after all, everyone had their demons lurking beyond the water, and there was a lot that Gabe wasn't ready to see just yet.

It often felt like a waking dream, because in many ways, that's what it was. Back in the real world your dreams were influenced and interpreted by how you were feeling that day, or what was playing on your mind, but in here, when you found yourself drawn to a feeling or a need, or a memory of someone; or a desire left unsatisfied, then your subconscious shaped your world to it, interpreting it in a way you could understand until that need was satisfied. Some days it would come to you, other days you'd have to travel - because some days it's the journey you desire not the destination.