A Symphony of Devotion: The Start [Demi Lovato]

[32] Novaturient

I wake to noise, to the sound of people talking. Devonne's arms are still around me, and I relish lying next to her so much that I can't get myself to sit up. I do pretend to stretch unconsciously in my sleep, though, pulling my hand out of her grasp and resting it somewhere near her collarbone instead.

But all Devonne does is reach up and take my hand again as she talks, intertwining our fingers together.

She's laughing. "What the hell is this?"

"It's an egg," Zack says seriously. "It's Kenzie's I-hope-you-get-well-soon-and-you'll-be-glad-Lucas-is-leaving-next-week breakfast."

"Lucas?" Devonne asks. "That senior that hooked up with my friend Annabel?"

"That's him."

Lucas is leaving. A huge weight that I didn't know was on my shoulders lifts. I'm not going back to Britain, and, good, too, because it looks like things are finally getting okay between Devonne and I.

There's the sound of movement. "Okay, well, I gotta go for basketball practice in the back yard. I'll catch you two later."

"Okay, bye, Zack."

I snuggle into Devonne when I hear the door close. "Is he gone?"

She laughs quietly. "Yeah, baby, he is. How're you feeling?"

"Better, I guess," I mumble.

"Does your arm still hurt?"

"A little."

"Do you feel sick anywhere? You know, spending that much time in the rain can-"

I turn a little so one of my arms is hugging her waist. "Dev, I'm fine."

"I know," Devonne whispers. "I worry too much. I know."

It's quiet for a few seconds, then I feel Devonne's chest rise beneath me heavily before she exhales and says, "Kenzie, we need to talk."

Dread seeps into my veins. I might be good at faking smiles, singing, drawing, playing the guitar, hiding my feelings, but I can't talk. And I definitely do not want to talk about what I can probably guess Devonne wants to talk about.

"Kenz? Kenz, we need to talk," Devonne repeats.

I have to hold tears in. "I don't want to talk."

"Fine. Then I'll talk and you'll listen." She pauses to give time for me to object, but I don't. Listening is better than talking, anyway, and just because I listen doesn't mean I have to agree. "You know it's bad, right? To do that to yourself? You could cut into a vein or lose too much blood, like you almost did yesterday. You could have been left bleeding for hours and died if I hadn't come in when I did. What if-"

She stops when I shake my head, but I don't want to say anything. I don't trust my voice.

"Kenzie? Kenzie, come on, say something."

It's silent for a minute, then I draw a shaky breath and whisper, in a voice trembling with potential tears, "No one would care. If I died. No one would."

"I would care. So would Zack. You ever saw that Tumblr post, Kenz? About the one where you might think the sun would still shine and the stars would still be in the sky, but without you we wouldn't want them?"

I find myself laughing as one tear streaks down my cheek and is soaked up by Devonne's shirt. "Yeah, I saw that one. And it's sweet and stuff, but then you zoom back into my reality and realize that my parents don't want me, my ex-girlfriend is a psyco who tried to kill me, I don't have friends, and the only people who would care is my brother and Julian. And they'll get over it anyway."