A Symphony of Devotion: The Start [Demi Lovato]

[43] Khaki

When I wake up the next morning, it definitely feels like something changed. It's insane how much your perspective can shift just by thinking the same thing again and again.

I'd barely slept; kept awake with insomnia and the running thoughts through my head that reminded me of that period of time where Devonne kept ignoring me. She'd been a bitch, and picturing her like that made it easier to ignore her.

The minute I get up, I unclasp the locket Zack gave me from my neck, open my Kayleigh box in my closet, and drop it inside without a second thought. Then I gather everything I find within sight that belongs to Devonne; be it clothes, pens, or jewelry, and pack it into the box.

Jesus Christ, that box is beginning to feel like a memorial chest for all my ex-girlfriends.

Slowly, carefully, I clear my room entirely of anything that belongs to Devonne, even spraying the air with some of my perfume to eradicte the vanilla scent that follows her everywhere.

Then I step back, take a look at my seemingly empty room, the polaroids and pictures of the both of us decorating my wall having been taken down, sigh, and leave the room.

I put my hood up as soon as I get into the car. It's sunny out, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue as the sun rays reflect off numerous shiny surfaces directly into my eyes.

The weather's the opposite of how I feel, and it disturbs me how everyone seems so happy as I watch from inside the car. Everyone except me.

My eyes tail the little kids playing around on the sidewalk, the older ones either cycling or walking to school. They're throwing a ball around, laughing and talking with each other.

And to think that, after today, I'd have no one I could be that close to.

My face tightens into a hard mask, reenforcing Devonne's words from before, the glare that always met my timid eyes when they found their way to hers, the downwards curve of her lips when I attempted conversation, the constant sight of her back as she continuously walked away from me.

Her words of hatred never really left my head. Those seemingly simple insults and declaration of her never once liking me before; I could still conjour each and every one to mind. It's only been three weeks, after all. Three weeks since the end of her ignoring me. Has it only been that long? It feels like it's been forever.

My eyes search the area for Devonne when I step out of the limo, and locate her standing in the parking lot with one of her friends. I quickly start up the stairs, hoping that she wouldn't see me, but that big ass car that dropped me off obviously does nothing to conceal me, and I hear her yell my name as I look behind and see a smile burst out on her face.

I quickly turn back around and zigzag past the crowds of people, running to my Math class and ducking into the nearest bathroom to it.

It hurt more than anything else to have to do this, but I stomach the pain and last it out. It'll prove worthy in the long run, I know it.

I've been depending too much on Devonne lately. Depending on her smile to light up my day, depending on her laugh to make me feel alive. But I've learnt that you should plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And I won't let Devonne be that someone again. I have to learn to make myself happy.

Because people leave all the time. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself, and that has to be enough.

I wait in the bathroom stall until the tardy bell rings, then quickly sling my bag over my shoulder and make a break for the classroom. I walk in before the teacher arrives, my face flushing red as I watch Devonne stare at me two rows away out of my peripheral vision while I start for my seat.