A Symphony of Devotion: The Start [Demi Lovato]

[47] Glitter

Hunger.

My worst enemy, my best friend, and the one pain I cannot stand.

I walk into school feeling the worst of it today. I keep my eyes on the ground, resisting the urge to tighten the strings of my hood. My eyes fixate blindly on everything as I make my way to my locker, and I trip twice from the dizziness as I move.

My bones feel heavy; weak. I feel tired beyond anything imaginable, and even standing there to open my locker exhausts me.

I'm so dizzy that the notes resting on top of my books don't even register in my head, and I yank out a book, making the pieces of folded paper fall to the ground in the process.

Then I shut my locker and lean against it, taking in a deep breath. My hands are shaking even as I hold that one book. The last time I ate was yesterday afternoon. I know I can go much longer without food, but my body physically seems to be unable to, for some unknown reason.

Can I go the entire day without eating? I doubt it. Can I eat purely on a voluntarily basis and not hate myself after that? I doubt that too.

I pull my phone out, dialling Jake's number. The phone rings and rings again, and it takes a while before he picks up. "Whats up, lil' red?"

"I need a lift from school. Are you free?"

"Can't. I'm at seconds. Look, I gotta go. My boss is looking at me weird again. Call Alex. I think he just got off."

Jake's at his second job. Fuck. I really don't wanna walk in without him there. They're all gonna baby me and act like I'm sick. And, obviously, the only cure they have for illness is alcohol.

"I'll call him. Thanks, Jake."

I hang up, but it's only three calls later that I manage to land Alex, who tells me that he'll be able to get me around eleven.

I won't make it. I doze off six times by second period, get yelled at more than I can care for, and every part of my body seems to ache with fatigue by the time Lunch rolls around.

The period before that happens to be Music, which is, in no aspect, a joyful lesson. I'm lightheaded even as I settle down behind the many kids near the back in the main music room.

Our teacher lurches into an excruciatingly detailed explanation of how our next assignment would be songwriting and how it would amount to 30% of our final portfolio grade, as well as instructions pertaining to the number of songs and the length of them.

Then he utters the three words I detest the most. "Pick a partner."

A partner. A group of two or three.

I don't have enough in me to do much except to glance around the class, and meet Devonne's eyes before her gaze quickly flitters away.

We've done almost everything there was to be done in music together. Even when we weren't on good terms.

I watch her stand up and move to sit by Chelsea and Annabel.

Not today, apparently.

But I'm too tired to find a partner by myself. I doubt that anyone would want to be in a group with me, anyway.

Hazy. That's how my head feels right now. Time seems to freeze and then unfreeze, and I suddenly notice, with a sort of drunk stupor, that everyone has found their groups. My eyes drift over the other kids as the teacher asks if everyone has a partner, and then find them trapped in the cold green ones of a smirking Chelsea.

"Kenzie," she calls out from across the room. "If you don't have a partner, I'll be yours."

Before I can respond, she's already up and on her way to me.

Well, I'm fucked.

I pray silently in my head that a miracle would happen in the next few seconds, and someone would save me from being stuck in a group with Chelsea and her sadistic ways, and, surprisingly, someone does.

It's Annabel. She stands up as well and reaches my side first. "No, Chels, it's okay. You stay with Dev, and I'll partner Kenzie."

Chelsea looks like she's about to argue back -no doubt, she wanted to be partners with me to play a part in what probably is her sabotage plan- but then our teacher cuts in with saying, "All right, then. Let's not waste any more time. Separate to the different rooms and start drafting your songs out. This is the last lesson we'll have before Christmas break, and I expect to see your drafts by the first lesson of the new term, so I advice you all to meet up over the break."

Most of his boring, monotone-d words goes in one ear and out the other, but I nod, sigh, and haul myself to my feet, almost falling right over from the dizziness.

I find myself already outside the door of the other music room, remembering only my feet moving but not the scenery.

It feels so strange to walk into the smaller music with a girl that isn't Devonne. It just seems like every major step we took in our relationship happened here. Our first real conversation that led to us being friends. When she followed me here after some asshole threw a stone at me. Working on our music project together. Her walking into Julian and I kissing, with flowers in her hands. Her accidentally coming across me crying..

And now I don't have her anymore. I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.

Music passes as how I can only describe as.. Routine. Annabel isn't the same bitch as Chelsea, but she didn't have that same spark of life in her eyes, or a clear love for music. I begin to wonder why she even volunteered to be my partner in the first place.

When Annabel leaves, I contemplate the possibility of staying in the music room until Alex arrives. But, then again, I don't think I'll make it. The hollow ache of hunger pangs have literally turned into sharp pains that attack me no matter what I do, and it's becoming clear that I won't last the day, needless to say flying to Canada, without getting something to eat.

So I stagger to my feet, holding onto the wall until the dizziness clears, and make my way to the cafeteria. Then I grab a peanut butter waffle and find myself a seat near the back.

I feel better with every bite. Guilty, but better.

I've almost finished the entire waffle when my phone beeps with a text from Alex. I rise, throw out the remaining of my waffle, and walk quickly to the front of the school.

He smiles as I get into his car. "There's my little superstar. How's life for you right now?"

I grimace, shutting the door tightly behind me. "I'm flying to Canada in four hours. What do you think?"

The car starts down the road. "Seems like a pretty sweet life to me."

The next four hours passes quicker than I would've liked, and I find myself on a plane with Zack on one side of me and manager on the other after that. The flight to Vancouver is only just more than two hours, but the full effect of nerves is starting to sink in with hours of nothing to do. I'm going to perform on a live show. Jesus Christ. In front of a live audience. With Demi Lovato. My idol, and someone whom I've never sang with. Does she still remember me? I really hope she does, but I doubt it.

Wouldn't it be cool if she did, though? And, after tonight, she wouldn't remember me as the kid who she kissed at her meet and greet, but as a singer that she performed with on a live show.

Then the plane lands, Kelly's hustling us off because we're late, and we're at the venue. She leads us through a crowded corridor with doors marked off on either side with large golden stars on them. Honestly, nerves are really starting to get the better of me, but then I see her, and time seems to stop.

She looks gorgeous. Beautiful. And she's smiling at me as she walks closer. "Hey, I remember you! You were the girl from my meet and greet!"

"Kenzie Stone, at your service," I joke, without registering that I'm saying anything.

The next hours pass too quickly for my liking. We rehearse a few times, and, oh Jesus, does her voice sound so perfect harmonizing with mine. The actual performance is, as the only word I can find suits, amazing.

There, on stage, gazing into the eyes of the girl I've idolized for so long; there, I find my home.