I still love him

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Veronica

As I sat there on the 20th floor of one of the tallest buildings in New York looking outside the window with a cup of coffee in my hand I couldn't imagine how my life turned around in the last five years.

"Ma'am we have a meeting scheduled at three in the evening." My secretary said as she entered my cabin.

"Could you cancel all my meetings for the day, Anna? I'm not feeling too well." I said to her and she nodded her head in reply. Anna was a fine secretary. She was always well suited, punctual and knew her way around here.

"I will be on that. Also, Nicole called. She said she would be here in sometime." Anna said and left the room.

Have you ever been in a situation where each time you give it your all and its not enough? A part ot you breaks. It hurts so bad that after a point you feel so numb with all the crying, the pain and the disappointment.

Today was the day. It had been exactly five years since I had seen him. I thought that it was that moment which was the difficult when we parted ways but I guess it has just gotten tougher.

The cheating, the betrayal, the anger, the hurt never dissolved, it just kept sinking in making a larger hole each time. Though that didn't seem possible it was true.

I stopped being a little less of myself every passing day and then I reached a point where it was all work and work. I haven't given the pain time to completely dissolve me in because its like a war and at no costs can I let it win.

"Your favourite person is here." Nicole said barging into my door. Despite been the Vice President of one of the leading publishing houses in New York, my best friend still didn't care enough to knock.

"Hello to you too, Nicole." I said and turned my chair again to the view. The whole city looked so small yet so peaceful.

"What do you want to do today? Shopping? Movie? Want to put those swimsuits on and hop to the beach?" She said and I kept looking at the view as I ignored all her suggestions. She does this every year.

It makes me really sad to let her down every year. She comes with an ample of suggestions of how to cheer me up and we end up doing none.

Her patience with me was to another level. Maybe that was the definition of true friendship. Being there even when there nothing you can do to make them feel better.

"I am talking to you Veronica." She said and her voice sounded extremely annoyed.

"I don't want to go Nicole. You know that. Why do we have to keep doing this every year?" I said still not looking at her.

"Don't want to do what, Veronica? Go out? Meet humans? Be happy? Have a life?" She yelled across the room and this was finally the time I turned my chair and looked at her.

She was fuming with anger. Her hands were made into fists which is what she does when she is trying to control her anger. Her eyes were wide but teary. I hate putting her in this spot. I hate doing this to her when all she was trying to do was help me.

"Its been five years Veronica. Five fucking years. What the hell are you waiting for? You think he's going to come back? Begging you to go back in his life? Its over Veronica. Its over. I hate yelling at you but you have to get this in your head. Is that one person so important that you let all of us get hurt in the process?" She said and tears began rolling out of her eyes.

Tears. Crying. Something I haven't done in ages. I couldn't cry since he left. Initially I just couldn't accept the fact that he did that and then it was all too much to take in.

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