forelsket | johnny cade

chapter 8

"You weren't sneaking out again were you. Racer Creevy I swear-"

"I was getting a damn glass of water Darry!" I cut over him quickly. I pointed to Johnny and continued on. "And poor Johnnycakes just ate shit from his parents! So stop jumping to conclusions." I was already mad at Darry for interrupting Johnny and I's kiss, now he wanted to start yelling at me for something I didn't do. Not going to happen.

"You're going to wake up everyone!" Darry said back sternly but quietly. His tense body relaxed as he sat on the couch in between Johnny and I, moving closer towards Johnny. "You okay kid?"

"I'm fine, Race already cleaned me up." Johnny said sweetly. Darry rubbed Johnny's back and stood back up, looking at both Johnny and I.

"I'm going back to bed for as long as I can, just be quiet you two." he said groggily before he made his way back down the hall. Once he was out of sight, I scooted slightly closer to Johnny on the couch, hoping he would kiss me again. Again. I can't believe I had kissed Johnny.

Our kiss before was short, being cut off by Darry, but it was different. It was the first time I felt something while kissing guy, something a good. My whole body felt light and airy, and my stomach swarmed with butterflies. Our lips were so relaxed and in motion, almost as if they were made for each other.

I looked towards him and slightly up. Even sitting down he was taller then me. He looked back down into my eyes brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Close call." He giggled, crinkling his nose. He leaned in slightly closer to me before I leaned in as well, my lips meeting his. My body suddenly filled itself with the amazing sensation it had before, but this time it was even better.

Butterflies filled my chest while my brain went all fuzzy. I loved it. I loved the way he made me feel. His lips were soft, and moved with meaning. I shifted my hand from my lap to the back of his head, bring him closer towards me, kissing him deeper.

I felt his tongue slide into my mouth as the kiss moved faster. He moved his hands down my body to my waist pulling me closer into him.

Almost everything about this felt perfect. Johnny. His lips. His hands on me, but something was missing. As my lips pressed into his I realized what it was. Johnny wasn't kissing me for the reason I was kissing him.

I thought about it for a few seconds before I pulled away from him. I let go of his head, as he unwrapped his arms from my back. When he opened his eyes, they lingered on me for a few seconds, scanning my face. He looked frantic, confused, and even a little scared.

I had to get away. As much as I loved the feeling of his lips on mine, Johnny wasn't kissing me because he liked me. I knew he just wanted to feel loved by someone for a few minutes, and then walk away, exactly what I do at bars.

I don't go kissing boys every night to win biggest whore in Tulsa. I do it because I want to feel things. Things I realized now I only felt while kissing Johnny.

When my parents left, I knew I had the gang to love and support me, but it never felt the same. I thought maybe a little alcohol and bar boys would fix all my problems, make me feel loved again. Thats exactly what Johnny wanted to feel, and I knew it. I mean if my parents beat the shit out of me every time I saw them, I would too.

As I stood up to walk away, Johnny grabbed my wrist, causing me to turn back around. His face was full of worry as if he did something wrong. It wasn't even his fault, it was mine.

"It's not your fault Johnnycakes I just," I started, feeling tears began to form in the back of my eyes. "This isn't how I wanted this to happen."

I knew I could have worded things better, made him feel less guilty but I didn't. I let go of his wrist and walked off to my room, only pausing for a moment to check the clock. 4:52am. I only had a little bit of time left to sleep and I was going to at least try to use it.