I have never begged anyone to stay,
But I said please that day.
We can work this out.
I have never prayed for anything so badly,
but I remember begging the universe that if it could hear me somehow,
all I want is a chance to make it work.
'I can't'...
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Lean over the guard rails protecting the sides of the bridge, I watch the small fish swim in the pond below me.
The day started out sunny and warm, like most days recently, but the nights are cool.
I feel the cool breeze on my face, as apart from my hands, it's the only part of my body not covered. The coldness of the metal rail in my hand creeps into my hand, making me feel colder, but I don't mind and just enjoy the quiet solitude of my current surrounding.
Earlier in the evening, I drove around aimlessly in pursuit of solitude but found the evening traffic annoying, so I ended up here at the local park where despite still having a lot of people around, I am not bothered.
These are strangers, people too busy minding their own business to notice or bother me.
I needed a quiet place to hear myself think, to cool off.......because I am still reeling from events of the past 24 hours.
I have been here a while, too long perhaps, because the once crowded park is now looking hauntingly quiet, the fish below me my only companion. I watch how with stillness and lack movement around, they come up the water more.
I stare until my view becomes blurred, my troubled thoughts taking over every area of my brain once again.
Memories of revelations from recent events fill my head and my heart twists with tightness, all the emotions I have been trying to subdue all day and evening bounce back like an overstretched rubber band someone just let go.
Confusion.
Disappointment.
Sadness.
And oh, the hurt.
But mostly.... anger...I'm furious.
Furious at how so much of my life was being manipulated, to a point that my life was turned upside down.
And for all this turmoil to be as a result of the actions of those closest to me.
How do I fight my own family without causing even more chaos?
"Are....are you alright there?" I look up from the water to see an old man standing across from me on the other side of the wide bridge.
I probably have a scowl on my face, my inner turmoil showing on my face, because he steps back and looks hesitant, as if I just threatened him.
"It's just that, you have been standing there for a very long time." He says.
I don't reply immediately, unable to find my voice.
