Struggles ✔

Chapter 57.

Alexa's POV 

The next day at school was terrible. Ariana had sent everyone a picture of me back when I was really fat. She sent everyone except me, Cole,Alyssa and the rest of my "friends". Everyone teased me the whole day. During lunch she also spread around that I cut for attention. People scowled at me. They shamed me. They bullied me. They hurt me.

I would never even cut. I wanted to die, yes, but I never cut. I tried once but it didn't help. It just left a mark on me,showing how weak and pathetic I am. It might be a form of relief to other people, but to me it was a cruel reminder.

Then guess where my "friends" and "boyfriend" were. Together. Smiling and laughing.

I skipped school after lunch. I couldn't take the pain. I ran back home in the pouring rain. Mom and Dad weren't home either. It was just Marie and Cola at home. You'd think I was crying by now, but not yet. Not yet.

I asked Marie to help me pack my stuff. I needed to be all alone. I didn't want to worry about anyone barging in on me crying. I want to drown in my sadness all alone.

I finally finished packing. I had an hour before Cole would come with Alyssa. I was going to leave Cola here. If I took him, Cole would know something was up and I didn't want him to come looking for me. Plus, I'd be too depressed to look after him properly. I hugged my precious dog and pet his fur one last time. I promised that I'd visit from time to time. I grabbed my new apartment keys, and looked at the room I used to call mine. The room that held a lot of memories. I went in Cole's room too. It worsened the pain. I said goodbye to a very sad Marie. I told her to tell Mom and Dad goodbye and thank you for me even though I know would call and text them later.

The taxi I called earlier arrived. I gave him the address and soon the house I used to call home started fading away from view. I was clutching my jacket tightly. The sadness was overwhelming me. My phone kept beeping with a new mean text from someone. They managed to get my phone number and text me mean things. They bullied me on every social media I had.

I couldn't escape them.

When we reached the tall building, I got all my stuff out and payed the taxi driver. After a while, I was settled in my new penthouse apartment that given to me by Mom and Dad. I walked into the bathroom and looked at my messed up self.

Fat

Ugly

Hobo

Skank

Slut

Attention seeker

Attention WHORE

Bitch

Waste of space

Useless

Little piece of shit

Shameful

Fuck up

No one will ever love you.

All their words came back to me. They started getting louder and louder. It filled my head. I couldn't take it anymore, so I did the one thing I could do at that moment.

I screamed.

I screamed in anger, frustration and sadness. I pulled on my hair to get these voices to stop. I tried and tried so hard but they got louder. I screamed once more and they stopped.

I breathed heavily, thinking it was over. I was wrong. Memories flashed in my head of Cole and I together, it soon started changing into Cole and Alyssa who were happier together.

He could never love you

He would never want you

He wants her

She's perfect

She's everything you're not

Just give up

I couldn't control my crying. I was sobbing. I finally let all the tears flow. I got what I wanted. I was drowning in my own sadness and tears. I didn't even try to stop the voices that were taking over my head.

Get up you fucking waste of space.

Get up and just end yourself

I mean it's not like anyone would care

Just end it

Go. Do it. Hurry.

It's for the best

Everyone will be happy

You're at the penthouse, jump.

I got up. I was still crying. When I came back to my senses I realized that I was at the rooftop of such a high building. It was beautiful up here. I walked towards the edge of the building. My feet were half hanging off, my soles was the only thing that was keeping me alive right this moment.

I always failed to do it before. I usually thought of Brian and Jess. But now Brian has hiw own family to think and care of, Jess has Chase, Hailey has Robin, Cole has Alyssa and Mom and Dad will have Alyssa as their daughter, so what else is there to live for?

I smiled lightly and looked up at the sky. I imagined Mom and Dad happily cooking together in the kitchen. Jess and Hailey watching Robin and Chase bicker. Cole...

I imagine Cole and Alyssa. His smile when she's there. His look of fondness when she laughs at something he said. If he's happy with her, then I won't get in their way.

"Goobye everyone. I love you all..."

I lift my foot up the ground and was about to jump off. This was it.

"ALEXA PLEASE STOP"

I turned around and chuckled. This feels like déjà vu.

"Olivia...didn't expect to see you here." I say

"Alexa. Please. Stop. Please don't do this." She begs

"This is such déjà vu...I remember the first time you caught me...I really wished you didn't." I say

"Alexa" she sobs

"Such a beautiful day..." I sigh.

"Please tell everyone goodbye for me. And tell them I love them...tell them to be happy." I say. I turn around and got ready. The voices started screaming at me to do it already. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"ALEXA!!!" Olivia yells and grabs my arm, interrupting my peace once again. The voices were growling and angry. They were yelling in my head that I couldn't do anything properly. I couldn't even die properly.

It was all so much. Olivia's sobs became softer and softer. The voices became blurred.

Darkness consumed me, and I welcomed it with open arms.

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