Struggles ✔

Chapter 62.

Cole's POV

I didn't feel like going back to school. I drove back home and went straight to my room. I sat down on my bed and cried. I let it all out. No one was home, so I cried as loud as I wanted to. I was to busy crying that I didn't even realize I had comapny.

"Cole?"

I jumped in shock and looked up at the person who spoke. Alyssa sat on the edge of my bed, and the others stood near the door.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked with my hoarse voice

"Checking up on you, dude. You're worrying us. You're becoming more and more depressed." Chase says. That's right. I haven't told them about Lex yet. I can't believe they never even noticed. Some best friends they are. I felt someone hug me and pull me closer to their chest. I took a glance at the blonde hair and immediately jumped away like she was on fire. Alyssa looked at me, her eyes filled with worry, confusion and hurt.

"Cole...what's wrong?" Alyssa asks. This simple question. This simple question that came out of her mouth made me snap.

"What's wrong? You wanna know what the fuck is wrong? What's wrong is that I'm a fucking idiot to think that my love for you is still there. I'm a fucking idiot to think that there was a chance for you and I to get back together and be in love like before." I say

"Cole...it can still happen. I still love you." Alyssa says

"No!! It can't!!! I've moved on, but then you came and screwed everything up. I was starting to fall for Lexi but then you came and my feelings got all screwed up. You made me forget I had a girlfriend and twisted me into loving you again. I practically cheater on her! And what did she do? She let me. She let me because she thought I was happier with you. I thought that too but I was so fucking wrong."

"Now because of you and because of my stupidity, I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. I lost the only person who fixed the broken me. I lost the true love of my life..."

It was silent. Nobody spoke after my outburst.

"You guys are also shit best friends. You didn't even take notice how Lexi was distancing herself. You didn't notice how lonely she was." I looked at Chase and scowled at hi. "Some brother you are."

"We literally almost lost Alex." Robin speaks up. We all turn to look at him.

"Olivia says she nearly committed suicide..."

Everyone freezes. I didn't think it was possible to feel this guilty. I felt sick. I felt terrible. Lexi nearly died...because of me.

"How does Olivia know?" Jessica softly asks

"She found Lex and stopped her. Just like the first time. Olivia then asked Matt for help because she didn't know what to do. She knew that there was a problem in our group...everyone knew that there was a problem. " he asnwered

"Ariana started bullying her,and that didn't help her at all. It would've been fine if she had someone to be her rock. If someone could help her and remind her that Ariana was just lying, but none of you were there for her. You were all busy with your love life that you forgot about your friend who was dying every second of the day." A new voice said. We all turned to look at the door. Matt stood there with a cold and hard look. In his arms was some of Lexi's stuff that she forgot.

"What are you doing here?" Hailey asks quite rudely

"Being a good friend and helping out my very sad friend by running some errands for her." He speaks back

"Okay. We get it. We're terrible friends. Must you rub it in our faces?" Jess scowls at him

"Fuck yes. You need to know the pain Lex has been feeling for the past few MONTHS. Not weeks, not days nor hours, but MONTHS. Good fucking luck in trying to apologize or get her back,because you've really screwed up your friendship and relationship with her." He says. Before he could walk away Chase snaps at him

"Okay ,you know FUCK YOU!! Your guilt tripping us for not taking care of Alex,but what about you? Did you help her when she was depressed?"

Matt walked back to us. Being a basketball player, he towered over Chase.

"I didn't know about her depression or her situation unlike you all." Matt says

"But you didn't even observe her sadness." Chase counters. Matt's gaze faltered and Chase didn't miss that.

"Aha. So you didn't. You didn't do everything you can to help her. You were also naive enough to fall for her lies. You probably didn't even know she was sad until Olivia called. You're in fault here too buddy." Chase smirks in triumph. Matt glares, but soon a smirk replaces it.

"At least I'm doing something to make it up. You're all just here feeling guilty and terrible and sad." Matt spat

He glared at us once more, then left without another word. Silence consumed us once again. Everyone was in their own world.

"Cole, I have a question" Robin speaks up. I look up at him in acknowledgment

"Are you giving up on Alex? You're not even going to try and get her back. You're just gonna let her go?" He asks. I recognize this question. A sense of déjà vu washes over me

Flashback

"Dude  answer me this." Robin started

"Are you seriously giving up on Alyssa? You're not even going to try and get her back. You're just gonna let her go? "  He asks me. I put some thought into his question.

I recalled all the amazing memories with Aly. I remember her soft blonde hair. I remember her rosy cheeks. I remember her pretty pink lips that always felt so good pressed against mine. I remember her pretty blue eyes that always sparkled when she was happy or excited. I remember her beautiful smile that lit up the room.

I also remember the way she cheated on me. The way she broke up with me through text because she couldn't face me. I remember how she left without even a goodbye or an explanation.

So with all the anger and hatred I had,I put them into one word that answered Robin's question.

"Yes."

End of Flashback

Without even a second thought,an ounce of hesitation or even a dash of uncertainty, I immediately answered Robin's question. I love Lex more than I could possibly imagine. I'm not ever letting her go.

"No." I firmly state

"Then you didn't lose her, and frankly I don't think you ever will." Robin says

He's right. I'm not giving up on Lexi. I'm not letting her go. I haven't lost her yet.

Lex, I figured out what I want. I want us to be happy andd in love with one another.

I also figured out what I need in my life.

I need you.

/////////////////////////////