Midnight Memories

Chapter 40: If It's So Difficult to Live, Just Leave

Hi you! I was supposed to update yesterday, but life happened and I couldn't do that, but here you go. Because it's New Year tomorrow, I'm helping my family with some last-minute stuff, so I didn't have enough time to proofread this chapter (Sorry about that. I will definitely edit the typos during the holidays). I just wanted to post this today as a NY's gift for you! So yeah, happy New Year! I hope this year treats you all right - no viruses, no disasters, no wars, just peace, and happiness!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Chapter 40: "If It's So Difficult to Live, just Leave"

And so it's on. The mission to be fine without him. Our weekly talks with Snow, combined with my determination after seeing him with another are helping me overcome the pain.

I'm done with his bullshit, done with pinning after him and trying to get a glimpse of him all the time. I shouldn't love someone that makes me feel so pathetic and small.

Those days are over. I am going to get over it and finally accept that I am enough.

I deserve more than being someone else's mistake, I deserve everything good.

I deserve to keep all the love that I give to people, who don't love ME, for MYSELF and those who truly see me. This mindset helps me get through another week of intense classes, my job, and heartbreak.

I love spending time learning about mental health, talking to Ian about some medical stuff, and practicing at work. Spending my time with myself is also another highlight of my day.

Besides going for a swim in the rooftop pool every day, I've also been deeply into taking long, relaxing baths, which make me miss Kai's huge bathtub. It's the biggest and the most swoon-worthy bathtub I've ever been in, but again, I'll be fine.

I love lighting up some scented candles and watching funny dramas on Netflix.

Tonight too is one of those days. I'm in the middle of "Weighlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo," when my phone screams about a new message, making me almost shrink. It's past 1 AM, people!

I'm cursing the one who texted me at this hour when I see Snow's name flash on the screen and take my words back.

Of course, it's her.

We are probably the only two people among our friends that received a sleeping issue as a gift after a relationship. 

Snow: Hey, just wanted to let you know, Ben's coming tomorrow, so we wanna go somewhere. You in?

Me: Sure, when?

Snow: 8-ish, I think.

Me: Awesome! Can't wait.

Snow: Me too! I missed y'all.

Snow: You know he might come too, right? Kai.

Me: Yeah, it's fine.

Snow: You sure?

Me: Absolutely.

Snow: You're so cool, girl! I'm proud of you. <3

Me: It's all thanks to you and Danika. Your strength is inspiring. Really.

Snow: We inspire and encourage each other. <3 Love you. 

~***~

He isn't here.

He's not here as we stuff our faces with seafood and wine so much, my stomach hurts from all the delicious food. Not here as we play games, laugh, and make fun of Ben, not here as we watch Matt and Natalie fight over the simplest things.