My Heart Belongs To You

You Deserve

Aaliyah Neverson

The Matrimony

"[Seinfield:]
Getting engaged is like getting, uh, it's the first hill of the roller coaster and you hear those clickers, the loud sound – this really violent, metal 'Chunka-chunka-chunka' and you go, "What, what's going on here?" You know?
"Boy this thing is really, really goes high!"

[Wale:]
I'm looking down, 'Oh shit!'

[Seinfield:]
And then you go over the top, the wedding is at the top. You go over the top, is the wedding and then you're just screaming

[Wale:]
Even if you make plans you never think you're really ready for marriage?

[Seinfield:]
No it's uh, it's like any growth. You're no- you can't be ready for it because tha- it's growth, it's gonna be new. It's gonna be new. You're gonna have a new life, you're gonna be a new person"

Being in a relationship with Chris for five years has been like being on a rollercoaster, you there for the ride and everything is all good because you on this love high that have you thinking damn maybe this will last  forever. But soon as you hit that curve and slowly ease up to that corner it start to be a really bumpy ride, you go from loving each other to hating each other and can't even be in the same room. It goes up really high and goes down extremely fast and you're like wow where did time go? What I am saying is I am just tired of feeling like nothing. The first three years was everything he showed to the world that I wasn't just any woman, he proposed to me and said one day we'll get married and he promised me that no woman could compare to me. But that all went down hill the last two years because he stopped coming home or when he did he was drunk, smelled like perfume, and had hickeys all over his neck. He stopped showing me affection and treated me differently. I found out why too he was having a baby with his ex Ammika Harris, she was pregnant, which I wasn't understanding how, I mean I know how but we were trying everyday to have a baby but nothing happened and I guess maybe that caused him to cheat. I know I should not make no excuses about him cheating but I think its me, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of feeling like maybe I am the problem, I should have just stayed in Atlanta then maybe I would be the writer that I was destined to be or maybe me and him would still be together. I know he would not treat me like a piece of shit, I know that he would protect me, I know that he would love me unconditionally. He pushed me away, told me to leave and never look back. I wish that he never did though then I would not be in the situation that I am in now, I hate having to go outside and put on a show just so people could think everything was all good between us. I want to leave but something has a hold on me, I need a piece of mind. Today was Valentine's Day and here I was sitting on the couch with a big bowl of ice cream watching endless Netflix gushing over the couples that were in love and had a happily ever after, god I remember when Chris used to be so romantic with me and we ended up making love up until the next day. Whatever happened to the traditional love? Being with one person for the rest of your life, showing someone how much you mean to them, catering to their every need, being by their side no matter what and working everything out? Another year of disappointment, another year of being alone, and another year of being depressed. I still had a job to do though, even though I did not want to be bothered by nobody, sometimes I don't like people but hey money is money and I do not depend on Chris's money. 

"Good morning Aaliyah, how's it going?"-Helen

"Good morning, great and you?"-I said casually

"Oh just wonderful husband, kids and I took a trip to FIJI last weekend. How's the fiancé?"-Helen

"Oh just wonderful"-I said mimicking her and walking away

Ugh just another day of Helen being nosey as usual, worrying about my life instead of her own, I grabbed my coffee and walked into my office. I had to take a deep breath and relax my mind so that I could get through today, Valentine's Day was one of our busiest days because it was a day for couples and orders were constantly skyrocketing. I would usually be home getting pampered and love by my man but shit things change.

"Aaliyah we have over 200,000 orders that just came in, I need all the help I can get is there anybody else coming in today?"-Gianna

"Oh wow, hasn't Michael or Marie come in yet?"-Aaliyah

"No nobody saw them, I think they took a vacation last week"-Gianna

"God does anyone like working here?"-I whispered to myself

"Are you okay?"-Gianna

"I'm fine, uh call Tim tell him that we need him to drop ship at least half of the shipment asap and the other half we'll do here"-Aaliyah

Why do I hire people if they're going to just up and leave without me being notified first? 

"Okay and you sure that you are okay, Liyah you know I'm here if you need to talk"-Gianna

"Yeah I know but right now I don't feel the need to talk, sorry but talking about the same thing is just too repetitive and I'm tired of racking my brain about it. Throwing myself into work will take my mind off it, but I thank you for always being a friend to me and being here even though you had plans today."-Aaliyah

"Of course you know I love you like my own sister, but I will say this again and again, you deserve better and I know you love him but you're only hurting yourself. Just continue to pray about it and you'll find your answer. James and I came to an agreement that after work we go somewhere to celebrate each other, I'm not going to leave you hanging girl"-Gianna

"Thanks Gi, I really appreciate you"-Aaliyah

"Same here, I'll get right on calling Tim you keep your head up and forget about Helen nosey ass she just miserable and that bleach getting to her brain"-Gianna

"Girl you ain't right"-I said laughing

"Good there goes that smile"-Gianna

I'm glad that I met and befriended Gianna because she helped me keep my head up since Chris cheated on me even though I still have my depressed spells. Lets just get all these damn orders together so I can leave here and get away from all the lovely dovely shit. It's going to be one long day. 

"Hello?"-Aaliyah

"...."

"Hello?"-Aaliyah

Ugh who would be playing on my phone? This like the third time today, whoever it is I hope they stop calling me. We did over 100,000 orders and had to bring in over 10 delivery trucks to ship out and make sure that they were sent out immediately, I hope despite how I feel today that everyone have a beautiful Valentine's Day. 

"Good night Liyah, you sure you don't want to come with us"-Gianna

"No you two enjoy your night, I'll be fine I promise"-Aaliyah

"Okay call me tomorrow, drive safe my love"-Gianna

"You too boo"-Aaliyah

I got home dreading to walk in an empty house, no love, nobody to show me how much it feels to be appreciated. I am drained though, I need a long hot bath and a glass of wine. I walked in the house to see rose petals everywhere, soft music playing from the vintage record player that I love, candles burning the scent of vanilla, the smell of food tickling my nose, a big giant teddy bear sitting on the sofa with gift bags, five big bouquet of roses lined up against each corner of the dining room, lights dimmed low, red, white and pink balloons around the staircase. I took my heels off and felt the soft feel of plush carpet along with roses under my feet. I cried tears of happiness mixed with sadness, why did he do this now?

"Bae why you crying?"-Chris

"I just, I don't know"-Aaliyah

"I know I have been treating you differently lately but I'm sorry, its just been a lot going on, you did nothing but love me and stood by my side. I should be nothing but grateful to you, you should be catered to every day not just on Valentine's Day. I love you and I promise that I will do better, just please stick it out with me"-Chris

"I love you too"-Aaliyah

Every time he does something wrong he makes up for it and I give into him every time. Maybe I do deserve better or to be by myself completely. Why do us women give in so easily? Why do we tolerate being treated so badly? Why do we constantly run back to them when they beg us not to leave? Why do I love him if he's just going to show me over and over again that he will never change? I wonder if I should just leave and never look back, maybe I'll leave in the middle of the night....