Don't Forget About Me

14. Blissful heart

Chapter 14

Blissful heart

Mary’s POV

My room feels empty, but it’s not a sad emptiness. I’m so used to seeing Kate’s stuff that it feels weird to not have them here anymore. I used to stare at them for hours, longing to have Kate here with me. I needed it to feel connected to her, but I just need to cross the village to see her now. My wish did come true, but it took the Spirits long enough to bring her back to me.

I’m so happy that she’s home. It’s surreal and I’m scared that she will be taken from me somehow. I can’t go through that again. I can’t even spy on her since she has that brick wall surrounding her. Adam will be good for her so I don’t see him as a threat. It amazes me that she was scared that I would be against her moving in with her mate. I wish her all happiness in life. This way she can settle down and create a family of her own.

Nothing will ever be the same again for all of us. We can’t go back to where we once were; we must start over completely and make new memories. The connection I want with Kate doesn’t exist. It was all just an imagination that I hoped for all these years. I don’t know why I thought the feeling would be true. We were really close once, but I realize that I don’t know my triple sister at all anymore.

What am I supposed to do with the new space? Is there even a point to do anything when I’m dying? Will it always be here to haunt us by the fact that we can’t be together?

It’s not hard to admit the truth to myself. I felt my illness for a while now. I welcomed it with open arms since there wasn’t anything worth living for. But Kate came home and my feelings changed. I want to live now and make up for all the years we lost. I will end up dying with more years apart from her than I actually had with her.

Nothing is fair. What are the Wolf Spirits doing about this? I hate that I’m not allowed to criticize them. They didn’t make my life any easier so I don’t see the point to worship them. Stupid Wolf Spirits.

The anger is burning in my chest. Sometimes I wish I could cry instead just to feel something else than the dark feelings that are taking over my whole mind. It really helps to work in the gardens, but I can’t spend every living moment in them. It’s not just a depression. A black hand has caught me and I can’t get out of the grip. It’s scaring me to death but it whispers so sweetly in my ear that I can’t resist the tempting words. It feeds my anger and hate.

Then I just need to take a look at Kate and the clouding feeling disappears. She’s the light in the dark and it’s sparkling from way inside of her. I don’t know what it is, but it is something about her that is changed since I last saw her.

Kate herself is broken. She is not really with us and she looks right through things like she lives in another realm. I make no sense out of it. She didn’t get any Ninjan training but she is still able to shut us out completely by building that emotional shield around herself. It’s more than survival instinct. Kate has become something else. I’m not sure I want to know what.

I can’t blame her for changing since I changed too. It would have been amazing to stay the same throughout life though.

Tom knocks at my door impatiently and steals my attention from deep thoughts.

“Come on, Mary!” he urges from the other side. “The helicopter is waiting!”

“I’m coming!” I answer him shakily.

I am scared of leaving the Ninjan Pack again. Last time was when I was almost killed, but what are the odds of that happening twice? I am not a defenceless kid anymore. I am a most deadly wolf and I like to get challenged. I don’t have much experience of the world outside our territory and that makes me weak. I don’t like feeling weak and it has nothing to do with my troubling heart.