My colleague (Rob Jetten x Jesse Klaver)

Chapter 26

We spent a little over two hours on the phone, most of which was spent talking about food, different cultures, different countries, and all of the light-hearted fun things one can think of really. 

It was nice. Really nice actually. 

The conversations we have had over the few weeks that I've known him were usually highly charged and intense... In one way or another, if you know what I mean. 

It feels like I actually got to know him a little, he loves pasta but despises pizza, especially with pineapple. He once even left a work partner alone at a restaurant because he ordered that 'circle of dogshit disguised as food', he called it. 

We laughed quite a bit, and about thirty minutes in I could barely distinguish any discomfort in his voice anymore. I started with a lot of talking, but he took over from me after a bit which I absolutely adored. The way he spoke so passionately about all of the places he would want to visit at least once in his life, ignited a sparkle of joy and excitement inside of me.

One that was quickly washed away by the thought that he would probably visit those places with his wife, instead of with me. 

Why would my mind even go there to think that Jesse and I could ever go on a trip together to Tuscany, sip red wine accompanied by olives, and the November sun setting on the collision of our fragile hearts... 

After we hung up the phone my emotions were kind of all over the place. How could something, someone, feel so good and yet so bad at the same time? He's like a chocolate brownie, I can never get enough of those either, yet I know damn well they're not good for me.

The difference is that the brownie is bad for me and only me, he is bad for well... everyone really. Theoretically speaking he's not really a good person, with the whole hiding an entire wife thing and such, there's just something about him that makes me unable to hate him. 

Trust me, I tried... 

Even though I don't want anything to do with him some nights,  I want nothing more than his elevating touch exploring my bare skin the very same nights... It's hard to explain, it's as if I know I need to let him go but feeling him slip through my fingers cuts me deeply and harshly in all my organs at once. 

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE MARRIED?!

I mean, our connection wasn't anywhere near flawless before but it had some kind of potential somewhere somehow, or at least that's what I always kept telling myself... 

Truth is, this scenario might be for the best, and well, I hate it. 

But I hate that I hate it even more. 

Jesse returned to work on Tuesday, and when he walked through those doors my heart dropped into my shoes instantly. He looked as gorgeous as he did the first day he stepped into the chamber. 

Into my life. 

Thick black curls shaping his face beautifully, hanging a little longer than the moment we first met. His hair grows outrageously fast and is just a few inches away from shoulder length. 

He was as composed as ever, compelling me to doubt my own memory if anything really happened between me and him, and Thierry, who is sitting at a safe distance away from him. 

He's eyeing Jesse like his prey, and that is not something he would want to be doing, not if he wants another ride to the land of the unconscious that is. 

Jesse doesn't seem to be bothered by it, though, which comes as a bit of a surprise. I mean I know that he usually doesn't show a lot of emotion, but every time I have been around both men in the same room, his features would grow vividly agitated. I wonder what's different now... Anyway, I guess I'm just happy that Thierry is not eyeing me anymore, even if it means his focus has shifted towards Jesse.