Don't Tell Me I'm a Heartbreaker (EDITING*)

17

I was in the car driving home and I haven't spoken a word to Selena in two days. She probably thinks I'm mad at her for throwing me out of her car. I wasn't, I just don't want her to get hurt.

I pulled up to my house and placed myself on the couch carefully being aware of my bandages. I lost my phone around two days ago as well which was probably a good thing because then I would have no will power to keep me away from contacting Selena.

I still thought about her, everyday and every second. I didn't have anything else to think about, my family is dead. It was like everything I did in life now was for her, to give her a better one.

The only place I can love her now is my mind, it's so depressing but I know sooner or later all of this will be over and I will be able to hold her.

It's ironic, this is not the life I planned to have once I got out of jail.

My thoughts were interrupted when the mail flew through my door. I was too sore to pick it up so I let it rest there on the floor for a while because it's never important anyway.

I went into the kitchen and wanted to cook some food because I was hungry but to be honest I was too nervous to eat. I was too overwhelmed with life, I admit it. But no matter what I'd never give up.

Faith over fear.

Faith
_________
Fear

*

I finally forced myself to eat something before my stomach begins to concave and eat myself. Bite after bite I gulped down and in the back of my head I kept thinking that I was forgetting something.

What could it be?

I was walking around my house rattling my already scrambled brain.

Then I found the bunched up mail right by the door and felt relieved. Something so simple and so stupid. I forgot to pick up the mail. So I slowly and cautiously bent over and grabbed the paper and tossed it on the table with a thud and it opened up as it came in contact with the wood.

Usually no kid in this generation would willingly read the news paper, not unless something extremely interesting was in it.

Or something totally devastating, like another bombing of 9/11.

This was more like the bombing.

The headline read:

Death of Selena Gomez leaves local Gangs Paralyzed

Selena died this morning as of noon. Reports came in of the death after screams and 911 calls of neighbors kept flooding in and when cops came to the scene pools of blood and they all packed up and left. Blood tests presume that it was in fact the Gang Princess' and that it was so much blood nobody would dare survive such trauma. No report on funeral or family or friends reaching out so if you would like to contact us on ways to send condolences contact the Gomez Family. We have not yet found the body. ----

I threw the paper down and kicked my coffee table so hard and splintered and broke in pieces.

If this was true, I never got to say goodbye.
I never got to hold her, never got to actually look in her amazing brown eyes and stare for hours thinking of every reason why I love her.

I love her.

Who killed her?

Did they kill her? She couldn't be dead. I never got to say goodbye.

I never got to say goodbye.