Teach Me How To Kiss

Speechless

It's a given, the more you try to avoid someone the more they pop up. Whether in person, dreams, thoughts or even the look-a-likes. I couldn't escape the image of Aaron. For not being my official boyfriend, this break-up sure felt like the real thing. Still, he had no clue why I wasn't returning his calls or texts. I hated being lied to and I hoped wouldn't show up at school again, because then I really wouldn't know how to react.

Izzy shined through for me, surprisingly, she was supportive and encouraging. She even talked me out of the old ponytail habits. One thing was certain, I never had an addiction to anything like I did with my honey vanilla Chapstick. Every time I put it on it reminded me of Aaron, I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was my first kiss and I knew that would be impossible to push behind me, as well as the person.

I bummed off rides from Izzy and Jordan these past couple of days, to not be alone or tempted to call Aaron back. Shockingly, Jordan backed off from his jerk-like ways and showed a nice side for once. Call it sympathy or whatever, but I was skeptical of this sudden change. At the same time, I didn't mention anything to avoid him relapsing to his old ways. Not a chance.

On Wednesday afternoon, I laid on Izzy's bed reading her latest Cosmo issue, searching for any articles relating to love advice. And guess who should happen to come in, uninvited, as usual. I refused to acknowledge his presence.

"You must really hate my guts." He sighed.

"I don't hate them, I'm just not fond of them." I answered with a fake smile.

"I raise my white flag, Brynn, you can't hate me forever. Besides, I know this nice guy I want to introduce you to at the party."

"I'm not interested, remember?"

"Yes, I remember you saying that, but the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else. You know, 'out with the old and in with the new'?"

"I don't care for any more of your advice. This is all your fault. Period!" I raised my magazine higher to hide the sight of his face.

In turn, he sat closer and lowered it. "You haven't talked with him since?"

I shook my head.

"You should at least end it accordingly. Whatever it was between you two. . . So he was the lucky guy, huh?"

"Lucky?" I scowled.

"Your first kiss, this A guy?"

"Yeah, well, so much for the romance and fairy tales."

"There are still some good guys out there, Brynn."

"On the other side of the world, perhaps. Here, they're just like you." I stammered out of the room.

During our open study hour, in the library, I found a comfy chair to glue myself to and hopefully fall asleep in for a couple of minutes. Before I got too comfy, Isaiah came by and made eye contact.

"Hey, how's it going? I feel like we never talk anymore."

"Alright, I guess. And you?"

"Pretty good. Are you going to Izzy's party tomorrow?"

Gee, well that's a no-brainer considering we're best friends. Duh!

"Yes I'm going. You?"

"Yeah, she invited me a few days ago. So I'll be seeing you there." He waved goodbye.

What to make out of that meaninglessly short conversation? Who cares, that's what! I just wanted to zone out of this world for an hour, no,  55 minutes thanks to Isaiah. And when I finally closed my eyes they sprung right open; wouldn't you know it. I thought it was as good a time as any to listen to the 4 voicemails I had accumulated in my inbox.

"Hey Brynn, it's been a few days and you haven't called me so I'm just wanting to know how you been and when we can see each other. Hopefully before your friend's party. Okay bye."

DELETE.

"Hi Brynn, I don't know if you got my last message or texts...I hope you're doing well. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."

DELETE.

"Brynn? You are starting to worry me and I'm getting a bad feeling here. Are you angry with me? I don't know what's going on. I hope nothing bad has happened, otherwise, if it's something I did, I would rather you tell me. Please call me back. Bye."

DELETE.

"Brynn, it's been a week and I sense that you don't want to talk to me. Unless your phone broke, I don't know. But if that was the case, I figured you would have reached me some how by now. Ignoring me, on the other hand, is not the best way to go about things. If I did something, I would like to know so I could apologize and not end things on a bad note; whatever this was. I do feel that I owe this to you. . . I got accepted for that internship in Hawaii and they want me there early this summer. . . So I'm leaving next week. I would share more details but I feel like I'm going to-"

And that was the end of the message. There wasn't a 5th one to finish off the sentence. I grew sadder realizing we wouldn't be in the same town soon. Maybe that was a good thing, a quick recovery from the heartbreak. But what disappointed me the most was his innocent play, like he did nothing wrong. My sadness turned to anger yet I couldn't erase the last message.