Teach Me How To Kiss

The Mess I Made

I was obsessed and refused to give up. Every day I called and texted Aaron, we needed to talk. I apologized in voicemail and messages,  vague but sincere. He never responded. I had officially blown it with my unofficial significant other. Whether on good or bad terms, he had to leave to Hawaii, there was nothing I could've  done about that. And now the absence, distance and silence proved I would never hear from him again.

The friend department was chaotic. If i could trade my life for a new one again, with new friends, I would. One way or another something had to get out, so there I was at Pizza Playa waiting to have lunch with Izzy, and Isaiah. Neither one knowing of the third party, unsure of the outcome, this was bound to be an interesting reunion.

Isaiah showed up first and we continued our  conversation from last week. I played it off like it was a misunderstanding and things were fine between us. He confessed it was finally over with Izzy. I thought long and hard about showing him the picture I took of her, but I wasn't a jerk. I had another plan up my sleeve, less jerk-like.

"So guess what? I finally got my car. My grandparents brought it last weekend."

"Really, that's fantastic!" He said with eyes suddenly hardening.

Alas, Miss Elizabeth joined us, ever so calm and pleasantly surprised by my guest. I watched them like a hawk, their body language, causal glances, and awkward silences. I swore the minute I saw something sketchy I would burst out an "Aha!" In spite of the tension in the air, this table was rather dull. What better excuse to stir things up a bit and reminisce of the good old days.

"Hey, you know what I just remembered, Izzy, that night I met my friend. You disappeared several times and had this guy eating out of the palm of your hand. I tell you, I couldn't keep up with her, Isaiah, but that's what happens when you're the hottest girl at the party, right? I've never had that problem, which is why one of my favorite hobbies is people watching." I rambled.

Neither one understood what I was saying.

"When was that?" Isaiah asked, somewhat serious.

"Oh that was soo long ago. Long before anything had started." Izzy interrupted.

Hmmm, long before what had started Izzy? What did that have to do with anything? I thought I was the only random babbler here. Izzy was beginning to feel uncomfortable, I could tell. And I could read her fake smiles. Yup, she remained cool for my sake, not wanting to suspect her secret from me.

Poor Isaiah was caught in the middle. As our conversation escalated with juicy facts about the many dates she had been on these past few months; I proudly exploited my friend's talent with the guys. Soon Isaiah realized her unfaithful patterns. And while he also kept silent about me already knowing, I couldn't read him.

But what could Izzy say? Would she be angry at me for uncovering her flirtatious behavior? Didn't Isaiah already know the kind of girl he was committing to? Would she buy my story if I said that I admired her way with the guys and had to make it the center of conversation? Either way, our friendship was on the very brink of extinction and I had little faith of us coming out of this peaceably.

"I have to go." Isaiah excused himself. He looked upset and hurt.

Izzy refused to look me in the eyes and ran after him. A smile of satisfaction lasted for a moment until a little guilt killed the buzz. Isaiah knew the truth about Izzy and now I did too. I weighed our friendship and if it was worth salvaging, had she proven to be a loyal friend aside from dating my crush behind my back. I wasn't sticking around to listen to her side.

I left for my car and saw them arguing in the parking lot. Why did she even care to run after him if they had broken up? It wasn't my problem.  And frankly, she wasn't my problem anymore.

The phone calls died down. Neither Isaiah nor Elizabeth had called me in a while and finally Jordan had quit too, he probably found out. Now that I was left alone, I realized, I was truly alone. Shifts at the ice cream shop helped as a distraction. But it wasn't long before my mom began asking questions. I told her Izzy and I  were taking a break.

I found little use for my phone now, other than an alarm clock. Sometimes I just wanted to bash it against the wall or drop it in the toilet. That would be a waste. I started a new tradition on my Saturday nights, called Lifetime, MTV, and Netflix. These were my new companions while mom still went out with her girlfriends. Many times she wanted to stay home with me but I looked forward to this solo date.

One Saturday, as I watched a few rom-coms in my pjs with snacks, I got a text thinking it was from my mom. But I didn't recognize the number.

Can you talk now?

Yes. Who is this?

The phone rang and my hands were shaking. I cleared my throat and had a strong feeling.

"Hello?"

"Hi." His voice felt cold.

"Hi."

"I got a new phone. . . But I did get your messages." He said indifferent.

"I-I wanted to apologize for being the biggest jerk imaginable."

"Hmm."

Momentary silence could only mean I wasn't forgiven.

"I assumed some things that weren't true." I continued.

"What things?"

"About other people." I gulped.

"Yeah, about that... Where did you get that from?"

"I saw you, with another girl." I regretted.

"Right, so instead of asking me about it you thought it was smarter to just ignore me and not give me a chance explain or anything?"

"I found out she was your cousin though. . . I bumped into her one day."

"I'm glad you feel better about that. You know, we were never really together. So I don't see why you acted so immaturely about the whole situation. Or why I even cared so much. We had a fun time but you were set on someone else. So what, it didn't work out? Is that why you're reaching me? Or did you find another guy to keep you busy?"

His harsh tone told me there was something more than I could see. Why was he so angry about seeing me with Jordan? He just said we were never together. Was he that jealous or something?

"If we were never together than why are you so jealous that I was with Jordan? And by the way, I was never actually with him or anyone else."

"I don't care. I can't stand him." He exhaled in the phone. "I hate the guy, and seeing you with him just made me change the way I saw you from that day on."

"Can I ask why you hate him so much?" I felt tears build in the back of my eyes.

"That fucking guy dated Lilah while screwing two girls on the side. I swear it took everything I had not to beat the shit out of him that day I met him. I only knew him by name. And I probably would've done something if I hadn't seen you there with him."

I wished I never met Jordan, much less kissed him. But I didn't owe that truth to Aaron, besides, I was afraid he would hang up and never talk to me again. But now what? He saw me tainted just like I saw Isaiah. I lost my chance with Aaron, I let him slip away and now I repulsed him.

"Do you hate me?" I asked in a pathetic attempt to gain his pity.

"I don't hate you." He paused. "I just don't see you the same way."

"Because you saw me standing there with him? Nothing happened!" I insisted.

"The way he touched your face tells me different. But I have to go now, Brynn. Take care of yourself."

"Wait, when are you coming back?"

"I'm not sure. I could take an extension program but I'm still considering it. I have no reason to rush back to Cali, not anymore."

Needless to say that conversation ended with a bitter taste in my mouth. I realized 3 things: 1. Jordan was indeed the jerk, and so much worse, that I had painted him out to be. 2. Assuming, truly does make an ass out of you. 3. I wasn't over Aaron, but I wasn't going to get him back either.