Baby May

Hungry

The next few chapters are going to get quite dark. This chapter is a bit of a filler, but I wanted to give Alyssia a chapter with Roger.

*Trigger Warning for depression and eating disorders*

April 2000

Brian, Anita and Alyssia are at Roger's for a BBQ and also to celebrate the arrival of Roger and Debbie's week old daughter, Lola Daisy May Taylor.

Getting Alyssia to come to the BBQ had been a struggle, just five days ago she had a bad fight with Victoria and Zoe and she's not talking to them.

"Why are you chucking your food away?" Victoria frowns, watching Alyssia through her lunch in the bin at lunchtime for the third time that week like her parents, she and Zoe are worried. Eva is having a bad effect on her and they can't understand why.

"What do you care?" Alyssia snaps, lack of food has made her snappy she eats breakfast and dinner so her parents don't know but she skips lunch, usually, she gets rid of her food where no one can see but she slipped up today.

"Because it's perfectly good food that you need to eat," The blonde doesn't take the snappiness to heart.

"Do you two want me to get fat? Judges, knock points off if you don't look right."

"That's a load of rubbish," Zoe scoffs, sick and tired of Eva's bullying, "Outfit, hair and make-up yes, but not physical appearance, your not fat and you never were, to begin with. For someone who is pretty smart in lessons you don't use it in real life, can't you see that what Eva is saying to you is a lie? Eating too much can make a person fat but too much of the wrong food, not what we have in our training diets."

"You're saying I'm stupid."

"I'm saying you're going to be skin and bones if your keep going like this but yeah..."

"Zoe don't," Victoria warns the redhead, she's seen how emotional Alyssia is lately in skating practice, but Zoe doesn't listen gets caught in the heat of the moment.

"Yeah, stupid works too," Zoe regrets it the moment tears form in Alyssia's eyes.

"Well screw you. Screw you both, I'll make it to my dream on my own," She storms away from them retreating to the library, the place she can hide and cries her eyes out.

She has yet to reconnect her friendship with Victoria and Zoe and it shows because despite physically being at the BBQ, she isn't there mentally.

Sat off to the side on the garden wall that looks out over the main garden, she doesn't even try to engage in conversation. If it wasn't for the fact that Alyssia is only ten, Anita would say she's going through a moody teenage phase.

She's also isn't eating a lot. Despite not being keen on the idea of being a vegetarian, Roger always makes sure that there are vegetarian alternatives for the May family, so lack of food to eat is not the problem.

The meal skipping is something Brian and Anita were not entirely aware of until recently, but it's starting to show in Alyssia's daily life.

She used to hide it really well, taking food to school with her and binning it when no one is looking but a few times now Anita has caught her binning it when she gets home or not taking all food with her at all.

At family meals times, she picks at her food and then claims she's full when she's hardly eaten anything.

Roger notices her not eating and joins her on the wall, trying to lighten her mood with a laugh, "Is my cooking that bad that carrot and cucumber sticks taste better?" That's all that's in the bowl on the wall beside her.

"No. I'm sure it tastes great, I'm just not hungry," That's a lie her brain screams at her, in fact, she is hungry. She's used to this stage though, the bit where her stomach hurts because she's hungry but she knows if she ignores it, it eventually passes.

That's why she's not sitting with the others, because the smell of the food is making the hunger pains worse.

"Can I meet Lola properly?" She changes the subject needing a distraction from the smell.

"Sure, I need to put her down for her nap anyway. Come on," He gestures for her to follow him. He takes Lola from Debbie and heads to the quiet room where a cot is set up.

"Can I hold her?" Alyssia asks before Roger puts her into the cot. She never got to meet the other Taylor's as babies.

Roger lowers his daughter into Alyssia arms, she smiles down at the tiny infant then sits on the comfy armchair behind her, "You okay to stay with her for a moment?" He notices there's no sheet on the cot mattress.

"Yeah," Alyssia nods attention entirely on Lola. Once Roger leaves the room, she starts talking to her littlest cousin, "I wish I'd meet Rufus and Tiger when they were this age. Do you want to know the truth? You can't tell anyone though. The truth is I don't know what to believe anymore, Eva keeps telling me I need to lose weight but when I look in the mirror, I look ugly and I really am hungry. Lonely too, despite having so many people around, I feel really alone."

Alyssia feels tears forming as she gently rocks Lola. Roger comes back but stops just out of sight, listening to her talking, "I want everything to go back to normal, but I don't know what normal is. I miss my friends, but I don't know how to get them back, I want to tell my mum and dad I need help, but I don't want to worry them."

She wipes her tears away before they can drip onto Lola, "They've done enough of that, six and a half years is a long time to spend worrying, they don't need more stress. I sometimes think they might have been better off if they never found me."

"Please don't say that," Roger mutters, he couldn't listen to anymore without saying anything.

He quickly puts the sheet on the mattress, takes Lola and puts her in the cot. He then sits beside Alyssia and pulls her into a tight hug, "Your mum and dad were lost without you, they'll always worry about you because they are your parents. It's not just them that worried, we all did. You know I was in the hotel the night you were taken, just a few doors down and I felt sick knowing I slept while a stranger broke into your hotel room. Your dad, me and Deaky spent weeks after your disappearance driving and walking the streets in hopes that we'd find you. We didn't do it because your parents asked, we did it because we worried for you and wanted you to come home."

Leaning into his hug, she doesn't say anything just continues to listen, "You need to stop listening to this Eva girl, you don't need to lose weight, you're fine the way you are and if you're hungry, then eat. Starving yourself will not provide any benefits in the long run, if there is anyone to listen to about your diet, then it's Katie. Follow the diet plan she gave you, and it will give you the body you need to cope with your sport."

The way Roger said it sounds so easy, but she can't do it. The hunger pains are passing, she decides to stay in the quiet room with Lola and keep an eye on her.

Rejoining her family outside will restart the hunger pains and she'll become snappy with them, upsetting her family is the last thing she wants to do.