Baby May

New Feelings

Sorry this update is later in the day than usual. My dad was taken to hospital this morning with chest pains, he's alright now, but it's been a long day.

Also, this chapter is heavy on the depression front. Please don't read if you'll find it triggering.

In the months after nationals leading up to Christmas, Alyssia struggled more than ever. The moment Eva found out that Alyssia came seventh she teased and picked on her to no end.

Alyssia mental healthy is spiralling lower and lower as the days go on but she won't talk to anyone and she hasn't been to skating practise in weeks.

Toby has watched her get worse as the weeks went on and he hates it. Classes used to be so much fun, she was bubbly and sweet, her laugh always make him smile, so in Chemistry class the week before Christmas break and Toby tries to cheer her up.

She only speaks when needed in class now, it's become the new normal but when the bell goes for lunch, he asks her to wait before leaving, "I know you've been down lately and with Christmas next week I thought why not," He hands her a red gift box with a black ribbon around it, "Merry Christmas."

She takes the box staring at it, looking like she wants to cry, "I didn't get you anything," She whispers disappointed in herself for not thinking ahead.

Maybe this wasn't his best plan, "It doesn't matter and you've been my only friend since I got here, that's enough for me if I don't see you before we break up, have a good Christmas."

"You too and thank you," She smiles lightly, watching him leave.

Christmas morning she sat in the living room with her parents and they're working through the presents under the tree and Brian picks up a gift, "Lissy, this one is yours," He sees her name on the tag and his eyes drift to the sender and he freezes in handing it over, "Who's Toby?"

Alyssia blushes deeply, figuring out how to get out of this one. Anita gasps, "Is Toby the name of the friend you couldn't remember the name of on your first day?"

"Might be," She mumbles, taking the gift from her dad, "He's just my lab partner in Chemistry, dad. I didn't even know he was getting me a gift until he gave it to me."

She reads the tag first, 'To Lissy, I overheard you telling Zoe you lost yours and needed a new one. Hope this cheers you up a little, don't let that witch get to you, Merry Christmas, from Toby.' Pulling the ribbon off she lifts the lid and inside is a soft fluffy grey scarf.

Alyssia didn't realise she was smiling like mad until Anita says something, "It's a lovely scarf."

"You sure he's just a lab partner?" Brian mumbles. He's not happy with the idea of her dating someone, however, the smile on her face now, is the biggest smile he's seen since her first day of high school, so he doesn't entirely hate whoever this guy is.

Alyssia blush deepens, but Anita takes pity on her daughter and suggests they get on with opening the last of the presents before Jimmy, Louisa and Emily arrive for Christmas dinner.

"Dad tells me you got a present from a guy at school," Louisa asks, catching up to walk by her youngest sister. A May family tradition is to go for a walk after lunch, to walk off their food before going back home to watch Christmas films while eating pudding.

"Yeah, this," Alyssia tugs at the fluffy scarf around her neck.

"It's nice. Do you like this boy? And you can tell me the truth, I won't tell dad," She knows how protective their dad can be, Louisa introduced her boyfriend to him earlier in the year and Brian full-on interrogated him.

"I've been telling myself, no but I think I might like him, I just don't know." She wants to like him back, but at the moment she doesn't have the heart to do anything that makes her happy, "How did you know with Alex?"

"I didn't when I first met him, but he asked me out for a drink and I thought why not? I found that the more I hung out with him, I'd be smiling more than normal, I'd get the butterflies whenever I was around him and we get on well, we cared for each other. So I thought yeah, I'd like to see where this could go."

"He does make me smile and I think we care about each other," She cares enough to know he deserves better than her.

Louisa saw the tag on the box, "If the tag on that gift is anything to go by then he cares enough to want to cheer you up. Make sure you get his number once you go back to school," Brian and Anita finally got Alyssia a mobile phone as her main Christmas present.

------

On the first day back at school after the New Year, Alyssia looks for Toby on her lunch break. She finds him in one of the music rooms, acoustic guitar in hand.

He's playing what she thinks is a soft version of Guns N' Roses Sweet Child of Mine, she stands by the door out of sight listening for a few minutes, "I didn't know you played the guitar," She speaks up once he stops, making him jump.

"Jesus!" He jumps about half a mile off the table he's sat on, making her giggle.

"Sorry."

Smiling, he nods, excepting the apology, "This is what I've been spending my lunchtimes doing since the first day of school. One of the music teachers let me borrow their guitar."

"Sounded really good. Why didn't you accept my offer to join me and my friends if you've been in here alone at lunch all this time?" Maybe he doesn't actually like you, She thinks, probably only puts up with you in class because he has to.

"I'd never have learnt to play the guitar if I had," He jokes putting the guitar back in the case.

He looks up, seeing the sadness return to her eyes, "But the honest reason is that whenever I'm around you, my head spins with emotions that I'm struggling to understand. I've spent my lunchtimes alone because I've been trying to figure out what they mean."

"Have you figured it out?" She feels herself being pulled into a trance as he steps closer to her. She has to look up slightly.

"It means that I like you, Lissy," He brushes a piece of hair behind her ear and goes to kiss her but she steps back.

"I can't," She looks down, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"Why?" He whispers, feeling hurt.

"I came to say thank you for the scarf, I love it. But my mind is all over the place at the moment and I've lost the energy to do anything that makes me happy, you've had enough of your parents blaming you for what happened with your sister, you don't need my moodiness bringing you down further, you deserve better than that." Not really sure what else to say, she leaves him standing there confused and concerned.

Walking down the hall she walks into Eva, "First your a failure and now your a heartbreaker, why he'd want to date you is mind-boggling to me but now you've screwed that up too. First skating then Toby, what's next? Friends or family?"

"Get lost," Alyssia mutters, shoving past her.

Eva speaks up as she walks away, "Maybe you just need to keep your mouth shut and you won't have any more trouble."

She spends the rest of her day avoiding everyone, just getting on with her school work.