Glass Eye (Eyeless Jack X Reader)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

There was nothing that anybody could have said or done to make it easier on me. Not that I would have taken any advice anyway.

Each footstep that brought Brian and I closer to Jack's cabin was a slow, agonizing one. For once in my life, I found myself unwilling to end someone's life. In such a short time, (Name) had been able to drudge to surface the past I had thought was long buried; her smile was Alex's before he had completely succumbed to the sickness, and her quick-wit was Jay's. 

She was all the best qualities of those passed that I had both loved and hated, and the intoxicating brew was just too tantalizing not to sip from. 

I sighed heavily from under my mask. How had it come to this?

Not just to the prospect of having to kill (Name), but how did it all come to this?

Never before had I questioned where my loyalties lied, but never before had a situation risen to cause me to question, either. I knew that meeting (Name) had changed something in me. My perspective was beginning to broaden, and my inward inquiries were never-ending. Did I really enjoy being a proxy, or was it my only option? Was it still my only option? Would it always be?

How had we gone from being just two dumb fucking college kids to trained murderers? How had we allowed it to happen without fighting? We showed no resistance to The Operator, and had reasoned with ourselves and with each-other that his hold was just that powerful. But, was it? Could he really void us of free will?

He could alter memories if not erase them in completion, but how far did his power reach? How far could he bend us until we broke?

I halted in my tracks, thoughts overbearing and much too consuming for my liking. Never had such a simple assignment taken such a huge fucking toll on me, and the assignment wasn't even my own. 

Brian failed to notice that I had stopped, and he crashed into me from behind.

"Fucking watch where you're going, asshole,"

I turned to face him, shoving him hard enough to cause him to lose balance.

He steadied himself, adjusting his sweatshirt.

"Tim, this isn't my fault. He knew we were strong enough to handle business, and that's what he has trained us to do. Are you too weak now to handle business, Tim?"

Dripping with sarcasm and laced with venom, he threw his accusatory words at me with little regard for the consequences. 

If the Operator told him to do something, he would always just roll over on his belly and do it without hesitation. He was a little fucking golden child, always following the rules and always carrying out orders without any thought behind it. Had he really thrown away his free-will so completely and entirely? Had his memory really been wiped enough for him to forget who he used to be?

"You are just itching, just fucking itching, to get on my fucking bad side,"

He scoffed, pushing past me with a harsh bump into my shoulder before carrying on in the direction we had originally been heading.

He may have signed over his free will, but I certainly hadn't. I was well aware that I was one of three of the Operator's trusted pawns, but I wasn't aware that it was required to John Hancock your thoughts, emotions, and autonomy to him.

Quickly, I slipped my phone out from my jacket pocket, thumbing through the contacts before finding Jack.

I glanced ahead of me, finding that Brian hadn't stopped.

'Get her out of there. Now.' sent at 1:45 A.M.

I never wanted any of it. I really, honestly had thought that I was getting better back then. The blackouts had become minimal and even my doctors were commenting on how far I had progressed. I had done so good, I had done everything they had recommended.