Never Letting You Go

Bonus Chapter 2

Mila

"Sshh!" I shushed him loudly. "If Axel ends up waking up, you're gonna be the one to rock him back to sleep." I warned smacking Damien's shoulder.

Axel was our one month old baby boy and this little man was even more high maintenance than his father. He got up fifty times at night crying, whining, and doing that little bottom lip pouty thing until I gave in and brought him back to our bed.

At this point, I didn't know what his nursery was used for. I found out I was pregnant a week after our honeymoon in Rome, and I did a whole pregnancy reveal to Damien who I swear cried when he found out.

Damien of course being Damien Ace Wilson went all out, pampering the baby and me, like it was his only job. Even though Damien spoiling me was the norm, him spoiling me when I was pregnant was out of this fucking world.

I craved tacos during my second trimester and Damien flew us out to Mexico, and Italy when I craved pasta. Damien doted on me hand and foot, kissing me, taking care of me, holding me, rubbing my back and giving me endless massages if I even breathed a word about my back pain.

We went on walks under the moonlight, went on picnics under the starry sky, and before I had Axel we went on the boat he bought me and had a whole bunch of sex which promptly led to me having Axel a few days early.

It was still early to say who Axel looked like, but in my eyes he was all Daddy Damien. Those big light blue eyes that seem to change every now and then, and that little dark patch of hair, and he had this smile that made me melt.

Just like his father.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was overcome by this tremendous amount of joy that couldn't be put into words or even explained. It was weird.

Having children was never in my plans, but then again falling in love with Damien and marrying him was something out of my dreams so why not have a baby that resembled the love of my life.

We were happy to have our own little family and both sides of our families were happy for us as well, but since baby Axel was still young we just wanted this time to savor every second together.

"If he wakes up, I'll rock him back to sleep." He set his tumbler of Whiskey down and ushered me onto his lap. "Come here, you look exhausted."

"I am." I pouted as I climbed into his arms. I snuggled my face into his chest and inhaled that familiar scent of Damien that kept me sane. "I'm really tired."

"Tell me what I can do."

"You're already doing it. Holding me and being here for me."

"Baby girl if this is about you not being able to nurse, I want you to know it's okay. Breast isn't always best."

I found myself tensing up and closing my eyes at the words. Axel didn't latch on at the hospital and even with a lactation consultant, Axel just wasn't having it.

He nursed through bottles and baby formula and even though this was okay, it didn't feel okay. I felt like I wasn't doing my job and connecting with him in a way where mothers who nursed did. I know breast wasn't best.

I know some mothers nursed their little one with bottles which was more than okay as long as the baby was feeding, but it did nothing to help my self-esteem and mental health.

I didn't know just how much my mental health would degrade after labor. I didn't know just how many dark thoughts would crawl up and around my brain.

It was like one minute I'm happy and rocking him to sleep and thankful, and the next I want to hide away in my room and never come out of it again. Damien helped or tried to help, and I was thankful for my support system, but sometimes nothing helped.