To Do List (gretson)

Mirrorball

...

After one quick stop for gas, Carson drove straight ahead. Minute after minute. Curve after curve. She didn't stop again, nor to pee or to get a snack. She just drove away, singing along with her playlist, thinking about all the reasons why she needed to leave, to let herself have these days alone, and thinking about all the things she should do from that day on.

She wanted to look for her mother. She didn't really know where to start, but maybe talking to her father would be the best option, even if it hurt him to talk about his ex-wife after all those years. Carson needed to put her needs and her wants first, and right now she wanted to find her mother and meet her if possible.

She also wanted to get a divorce. It took her only five minutes on the road to be sure of that. She knew she never should have married Charlie in the first place. He was nice back then, he was her first boyfriend and he was sweet to her, but they weren't a match. He wanted a housewife and she wanted to work. He wanted to save money to buy a bigger house, she wanted to save money to travel somewhere. He wanted a bunch of kids, she couldn't see herself as a mother. They were SO different. Two strangers sharing a last name and a townhouse and wearing matching gold bands.

Carson realized how much of herself she'd given up to stay in that marriage for seven years. She didn't give him children or quit work, yet she was living his life. Settling for that small-town life she never wanted, for a house she didn't choose or decorate, for a family car although she didn't really want a family.

Thinking about all that made Carson cry. Her tears were silent, but they rolled down her cheeks like a flood, staining her face, and salting her lips. The worst part was the feeling that took over her entire body. Carson's skin was itchy. It felt like she was wearing a full-body mask, her Mrs. Shaw costume. And she hated it. She wanted to rub it off. She considered more than once stopping and filing for divorce in any city with a post office. But that was insane. This trip was about figuring things out and she wasn't supposed to make any decisions in a rush, even when she felt so sure about that decision.

This trip was also supposed to be about having fun. She'd never gone anywhere just to have fun and enjoy herself, it was always about charlie's work or helping her father buy stuff for his hardware store, or chaperoning for her nephews. Never for fun. And she needed that.

Carson drove for over eight hours nonstop. Her back was stiff and her shoulders were sore. Her eyes were tired of staring ahead, they were swollen from all the crying. Her voice was cracking from all the singing and talking to herself out loud. She needed to stop and she needed to sleep.

Rawlins, WY was as good a place as any to stay the night, so Carson drove into the city, driving around, looking for a place to eat. It was almost eleven at night, so her best option would be a bar. She would have to settle for appetizers for dinner. It was fine. She would have a beer and some peanuts and get directions to some motel or B&B she could stay in.

This big red sign called her attention, Jenny's Shack. Carson stopped outside and checked the old motorhome parked just out front, longing for that kind of adventure. She shook her head, trying to stay in the present, and went inside. Apart from all the bottles and mugs everywhere, the yellow light all over the place was the only thing that really told Carson she was in a bar, 'cause it was mainly decorated with diner colors. High red stools by a counter at the left, small red tables at the right, and a very small stage ahead. It was weirdly welcoming.

"A beer, please". She would have just that one.

The old man behind the counter gave her the beverage, checking her face and stature, trying to make sure she was old enough to ask for alcohol. Carson rolled her eyes.