To Do List (gretson)

From the backseat

…

They stayed quiet for almost three hours that followed.

Carson had been trying to focus on driving and on not pushing Greta into the what-are-we talk. She wasn't having much success with it though. Charlie had called four more times, but Carson had just ignored the calls, keeping her phone between her legs so that Greta wouldn't see it. But the thing was that the more Charlie tried to reach her, the more she felt like picking up the call and telling him to fuck off, and filing for divorce on their next stop because she was in love with someone else. And, fuck, it was true. She was hopelessly in love with the silent woman beside her. She wasn't willing to lie about it anymore or hide who she was anymore, and she wanted Greta to know that, know that she'd made Carson fall hard for her and into herself, that she finally felt like she belonged in her own body, and that she wanted to keep her and that feeling forever.

Greta had been trying not to make Carson's question about Paris into a big deal, maybe she just wanted to find out if Greta wanted to visit Paris eventually, not necessarily with her. But she knew deep down that wasn't the truth. The way Carson looked at her… there was so much care and admiration, Greta wasn't used to having someone looking at her in that way. And, fuck, it felt good to be treated like that, like she was some kind of precious jewel. And she wanted Carson to keep. For good. That was the scary truth. She wasn't willing to admit it, not even to herself, but she didn't want only those stolen road trip days with her anymore. She wanted it all. And she couldn't say it to Carson and have her heart break into a million pieces when Carson said the words. I'm married, you knew. Only thinking about it made Greta's heart shatter inside her chest.

They stopped to pee and get snacks after those three hours on the road. Carson watched her leave the trailer but stayed there. Greta had been quiet for all that time, staring ahead, occasionally looking at her when she thought Carson wasn't paying attention. Carse thought about reaching out, touching her, saying something, but she was scared. There was no other word to describe how she felt right there.

She couldn't bear the idea of losing that. Of losing her. With her… she felt alive. For the first time in her life. No one had ever made Carson feel like Greta made her feel, like being with her made her feel, and she wasn't willing to lose it, she needed to keep it going, she needed more of her, more of who she was when she was with her.

Carson didn't even notice the time pass. Soon enough they were back at the trailer. Greta had asked Joey to move up front so she could go in the back and nap for a while.

Carson considered asking May to come to the front, so she could go in the back with Greta. But Maybelle was sleeping and Carson had to give Greta time. The idea of pushing her so hard that it would make her go away… she simply couldn't stand it.

"Hey, books," Joey teased.

"What do you mean, strings?" Carson teased back. 

They giggled together.

"Is Greta ok?" They asked, their face suddenly serious.

Carson didn't react to it. She didn't know what to answer.

"She doesn't nap, it's not her thing, she barely sleeps actually," Joey further explained. "You two good?"

"Charlie called." Carson answered defeatedly after a while of uncomfortable silence.

"Charlie?"

"My husband," she said, her voice taken by guilt.

"Oh," Jo barely voiced.

"She was so distant, barely said a word to me after it happened," Carson whispered.

"Does she know how you feel?" They asked.