To Do List (gretson)

Glitch

…

Carson felt the room closing in on her, her heart raced, her eyes welled with tears, her hands started to shake, she knew a panic attack was about to take and paralyze her, and she couldn't let it happen, she didn't want Greta to see her like that, she didn't want to have to talk about Charlie with her. So she got up, dressing herself in the clothes Greta had chosen for her, and came out of the bedroom, searching desperately for air.

She steadied herself holding onto the banisters outside to make sure she wouldn’t fall down the stairs.

Charlie would be home soon, he’d know she wasn’t there, he’d try to reach out or he’d talk to her father, he’d be pissed she didn’t write him or call him to let him know she wasn’t going to be home, and he’d probably call her or send her messages and she could already see his words flashing before her eyes. Everytime he got mad he'd find ways and words to belittle her, to make her feel bad for not being the wife he deserved, and his voice would turn harsh and he would clench his fists. And then… 

Then he’d become soft again, his voice low, his hands reaching out to touch her, and he’d say ‘it’s ok’ and ‘I’m sorry’, and then act like nothing happened, while her heart would be beating loudly against her rib cage, the fear stopping her ears, the need to run away taking over her.

But he couldn't reach her or touch her now.

He didn't know where she was, she was safe and far away from him.

She needed to think logically about what to do. She needed a rational decision.

She wasn't going to answer him. She didn't have to. She was out, he'd know when he got home. She was far away, she was safe, he couldn't touch her there.

But she still wasn't ready to go back inside and face Greta like this. Her hands were still shaky and her lips felt so cold, she could tell her face was drained of any color because of the cold. She looked around. Breathing in and out. Trying to find something to keep her outside of the bedroom for a while. Maybelle and Jo would be there soon and they'd leave, so she could save time and check them out at the front desk. And this would give her a little more time to calm down.

Carson peeked her head inside of the bedroom, making sure Greta was still in the shower, she got inside, picked up her jacket, phone and wallet, and headed down. She checked them out, paid for the room, and told the small woman at the desk they'd be leaving in a few minutes.

Greta didn’t find it strange when she left the bathroom and Carson wasn’t there. She just put their things back in the bag and left the room, assuming Carson was probably looking for coffee. She found her on the bottom of the stairs, sitting there quietly, her mind clearly elsewhere.

“Hey, did you find coffee?”

Greta’s voice brought Carson back to Earth. 

“What?”

“You came out for coffee?” Greta half stated half asked.

“No, I… I checked us out.”

“It was supposed to be my treat, Carse, I brought you here,” Greta pouted.

Carson smiled softly. She loved when Greta called her Carse.

“It’s ok, I wanted to.” She smiled again. “We have to go outside or Jo will leave us here,” she added.

“I have to admit Perrysburg is kind of growing on me,” Greta said, smiling.

Carson understood what she meant. It was about them. They’d had their first night there and their encounter was so profound, so intimate, so beautiful… Perrysburg could easily become their Paris. And Carson felt so lucky to be there with Greta. She made her feel happy and suddenly so… brave, like she could face anything.