What's on Your Mind?

26

Yoongi would be lying to himself if he said he had slept well. The migraine which thumped all around his skull did nothing to brighten his mood but he was well rested and felt comforted. And even though he had spent the night with another member and not the one he wanted, he was grateful it was Seokjin, who was equally as cuddly as Taehyung, but also for the fact that he could be vulnerable and not questioned or teased about it. Seokjin had always made it easy to be vulnerable around without the pressure of being the older member or the ‘grumpy old man’ persona they teased him about. It could just be him and his one hyung. 

He sat eating his breakfast trying to not think of the previous day and to focus on staying calm. He had already spoken to Taehyung. It wasn’t like they were completely awkward but it was like nothing had ever happened to them in the past weeks. Yoongi hadn’t rubbed his back or fluffed his hair and Taehyung hadn’t back hugged him at all. The lack of touch was driving Yoongi mad and he didn’t know how he was going to fix it. He didn’t know how he was going to fix his relationship with the younger either, but he was willing to sit there and figure everything out. 

“Hyung, can you pass the syrup please.” Taehyung’s voice broke him out of his trance. He looked up to see Hoseok passing him the bottle with a gentle smile, hand fluffing Taehyung’s hair. No-one noticed Yoongi’s glance. No-one noticed the sigh that escaped his lips or the twitch of his hands which burned to grab the syrup. Yoongi finished his food and excused himself to sit at the table where their makeup noona’s were preparing their base makeup. He sat in silence, much like how he was throughout that morning, observing and meditating, creating mental notes of every time he could have complimented Taehyung in the moments he most wanted to tease him. It was more exhausting than he imagined. 

Yoongi really felt clueless. How had he messed up so bad without ever realising? Where had he gone wrong? It took him several discreet deep breaths to calm down and not cry on the spot because it hurt, knowing he hurt someone who he cared about. But having to be distant without properly knowing how he could fix it was what was bothering him the most. He had to let it go until they spoke again but he just couldn’t; he knew there was more to what Taehyung had told him and he needed to know what it was. Now! 

By the time the members were on the stage, moving around with grace through their soundcheck, scoping out the audience and warming up their voices Yoongi had given up. He was so conflicted on what to do yet he knew he had to just let it go. He worked hard on himself to give ARMY a great performance and thoroughly enjoyed himself throughout the 2 hours of the concert. Well, to say he gave up was exaggeration, he merely postponed his concerns till he had the mental energy. And thankfully their concert was only for two days. He would have lost his mind if he had to pretend to be okay for any longer. This was admittedly affecting his mentality a lot more worse than he had anticipated. 

Back in the dorm all the members were off doing their own things. Jungkook and Jimin were ordering food, Seokjin and Hoseok were watching food documentaries in the living room, Namjoon was in his room and Taehyung was nowhere around. Yoongi took a shower and made his way to his room. He was unsure if he needed time alone or not. A quick nap wouldn’t hurt, he thought to himself. When he awoke half an hour later he felt restless and a little alone. He stayed very still, wrapped up in his blanket and opened his eyes. His room was dark, golden light peaking through his ajar door. Yoongi felt his stomach grumble at the aroma of delicious food, the boys’ voices echoed through the house as they laughed and conversed. Suddenly he wished one of them would have woken him up to join them. A wash of sadness overcame him.

It didn’t help that Taehyung didn’t want to be around him either. He strained his ear, listening for the younger’s sweet voice. But he was unlucky. Reaching for his phone he squinted as the light blinded him. 2 unread texts from the group chat, one from Hoseok and one from Taehyung. Yoongi felt his heart leap. Instantly his palms began to sweat with nerves and anticipation. The text was small and precise: Hi, can we talk?  Yoongi never felt this way before. He could almost hear his heart thumping in his ears. He typed ‘okay’ and silently arose from the warmth of his safety blanket. There was no use trying to get out of this. All he had wanted was to find out what was running through Taehyung’s head. But now he was mere seconds from knowing and he felt like running away. 

His feet took him further than he anticipated, too far in his thoughts to realise his surroundings, and before long he was down the corridor in front of Taehyung’s door. He stood there for what felt like hours before he raised his hand to knock. But Taehyung opened the door, stunned to see the older, directly in his face. “Oh, come in hyung. I was actually going to you, yanno because I’m the one who asked to talk. But, um just um. Yeah.” Taehyung sat on his bed leaving Yoongi to take the end of the bed, with plenty of space between the two. “Um, how have you been?” The younger said, clearing his throat and avoiding eye contact. Yoongi didn’t look away though. He stared at the boy who was dear to his heart, the boy he somehow managed to hurt, the boy whose thoughts and feelings he was about to learn.