What's on Your Mind?

27

Yoongi was so anxious yet determined not to mess up even if there was an awkward air between the two. He desperately tried to ignore it. “Tae, it doesn’t matter how I’ve been. I’ve been worried, but that’s not the point,” Yoongi watched Taehyung slowly look up to meet his gaze , “I just want to know how you are and what’s going on inside your head. I just want to know how to fix this.” He whispered. They held eye contact for what felt like ages, the tension of the unspoken conversation which was yet to come lingered. “And, I just wanted you to know, regardless of everything, that I’m really really sorry.”

Taehyung sighed, rubbed his face and sat back so he was against his headboard. “Yeah, I know. Believe me, I have seen how patient you’ve been with me. Thank you for that. But I owe you an explanation for everything.  And an apology because, to be honest, I wasn't really honest with you in the beginning.” Yoongi watched the younger as he fidgeted with the string of his hoodie, obviously nervous. Taehyung took a deep breath and began, “So I didn’t mean to blow up on you the other night but so many things were going through my head, and even though I was feeling insecure I was also feeling embarrassed and flustered and, well angry.

“It was all because I’d been thinking about what got me in this position in the first place; like me having that argument with Jimin hyung and Jin hyung, but also like how I wasn’t honest to you or myself since then. The argument was so bad, but looking back they weren’t even half wrong. It started because me and Jimin hyung were discussing our ideal types and I guess mine sounded a little too familiar because he instantly started teasing me. He would point out how I was only describing you and, even though I didn’t know that at the time, Jimin hyung explained how obviously I had fallen for you. A-and I dunno, it just got me angry, but to add salt to the wound Jimin hyung got Jin hyung involved and he was describing all these ‘signs’ that you were in love with me.”

Taehyung took a deep breath and looked to meet Yoongi’s gentle gaze before he continued. “And at the time I didn’t like being told who I was supposedly falling for or the idea that they were only saying these things to wind me up. And I guess I didn’t want you to find out in case you would be angry and embarrassed, and also, it’s weird cuz we’ve known each other for so long. B-but, I guess after we got talking and spent more time with one another I figured that maybe it was true after all, at least on my half. But all I could think about, that was really bugging me, was what Jin hyung said.”

Yoongi slowly made his way further up the bed. His heart hurt. He wished the younger had told him about these things, but then again had he known this then would they still share these feelings for one another? It was hard but Yoongi definitely understood why Taehyung kept quiet. “Okay, so what exactly did Jin hyung say?” His voice came out almost in a whisper, trying not to break the gentle atmosphere. Taehyung took in another deep breath and bit his cheeks, preparing himself. The face he made was one of discomfort and Yoongi knew that this must be difficult for him.“Tae, take your time. We’re in no rush.”

“Well Jin hyung had said things like how you only hold hands with me when we disagree, something you don’t do with the other members, but also you let me be affectionate with you. And I guess the main thing which stuck with me was that you tease me a lot. Which for some reason didn’t sit well with me, because if you liked me then why would you tease me to show it. And I said that to hyung but he just said it was part of your ‘tsundere persona’. Which is bullshit by the way, I don’t know why they keep going on about that, because you’re not exactly shy about being gentle and affectionate.” Taehyung pouted. Yoongi so badly wanted to kiss him.

“So, yeah. That’s what was bothering me. I guess I slowly started to believe it and even when we got closer you would tease me and it would remind me of what hyung said and I hated it so much. Because, yanno, I really care about what you think of me and while thinking that this was a way for you to flirt with me made me over analyse what you were saying. I just couldn’t take it anymore, feeling confused but also annoyed; I became so insecure. I’m sorry I didn’t ever ask you about it. I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”

“You know, out of everything, I didn’t ever think it would be this. I didn’t take you as someone who would get so wound up in your own head, but I’ll learn from this. When I tease you, I don’t mean it in a way to bully you or because that’s a way to supposedly flirt. I do it because I think your reactions are cute, you get defensive and flustered, but I see how you couldn’t have seen it that way. I just wish you had told me sooner.” Yoongi reached for Taehyung’s hand, holding it between his. Taehyung ducked his head and brought a hand to his face. “Oh Tae, don’t cry. Come here.”

Yoongi pulled Taehyung closer to him and into his arms. “I’m sorry hyung.” Taehyung mumbled, tears thickening his voice giving it a slight wobble. Yoongi rubbed his back gently in slow circular motions. He felt for the younger so much. Hopefully they could move on from this situation swiftly. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. I’m sure I made you have a hard time all because I couldn’t even communicate with you properly. Like at the hotel, you looked so distraught. I’m so sorry, hyung.”

“Shh. It’s okay Tae. It was just a little misunderstanding. And look, we spoke about it eventually. Yeah I was feeling like shit before but now that you’ve explained everything I feel better. I was actually more mad that I’d done something to upset you without knowing. But now, now I know that we can move on and be better for one another. Because I still really care for you.”