Baby be Mine

Chapter 30

[Mic]

I took my time on the walk home. Needing the time to think.

Lila was great just now and just what I needed. Her mum, well that was unexpected, but really helpful. A part of me was a little jealous at the bond they share. Lila has mentioned they weren't close but that is not what I just saw. They were having the silent conversations that only someone who knows you really well understands.

I miss those moments.

What they had to say. Well, that's got me thinking.

Can I be mad at my parents?

Is that allowed?

Logically I know most people get mad at their parents. You can't get on with everyone all the time. Even family. Especially family when you spend every day with them. It can get a little full on. You love them but there is a thing of a little too much time with people.

Yet they are not here for me to be mad at.

How fair is that?

I didn't get my chance to yell at them. To argue the choices, they made. To want to do stuff that they didn't agree with. To rebel.

Instead, I followed the rules. I made things easier. I kept my grades up. I worked three jobs to keep the house. I did anything I could to make things easier for everyone.

Why am I the one that has had to suffer then?

I've tried so hard to not be oh woe is me but I'm tired of it. I'm just tired.

Life has been shit.

My dad had a horrible childhood. He worked hard though and gained a fantastic life. Became an amazing dad only for cancer to take his life.

My mum was the most caring woman ever. Choosing a profession that allowed her to look after others. The type of person described as born to be a mother. Only that driver still took her car out.

Neither of them deserved to die young. That's all I heard after. They were great people. It's always the good who die young.

They weren't saints. They made mistakes.

Like their choices for me.

They wanted us to be independent. To learn how to adult on our own. Well congratulation parents. I did that.

Only I was fourteen.

I was being forced to become an adult when I was too young to even be considered an adult. Great parenting. Is that what you wanted? The rest of the world considered me a child. I still had to go to school, too young to get a job. Still needed a guardian. Yet you wanted me to learn how to be an independent adult.

And both of you die so I can't even get answers from you. You both die and leave me. Forcing me to deal with the shit life has dealt.

I was still a child.

What made you think this was a good idea? What made you think telling Nancy to stay away was the best thing for everyone?

You need support during the hard times.

When Nancy lost her husband, she had mum to help her through. Then mum and dad die and they tell Nancy to go deal with it on her own. Forcing Amelia and I to deal with something neither of us were ready for.

Their reasons were rubbish and I am so angry at them.

Yet there is no-one to be angry at anymore.

They are gone and no matter how angry I get they will never know. They can never make amends for their mistakes.