reticent

33

• XANDER •

The only thing fuelling me is coffee. I drink eighteen cups of it before I'm told my father is awake, but that he's foggy.

     I glance over at Amalia, who's curled up in Elijah's arms as they both sleep, and decide to go in by myself. I wanna make sure my dad is okay before too many people crowd him.

     He's laying on the bed, his head propped up a bit, when I walk inside. He furrows his eyebrows.

     "Can I help you?"

     "What? What do you mean?"

     "The cafeteria is probably downstairs. This isn't it." He mumbles.

     "What?" I repeat.

     "You're in the wrong room." He says.

     "Dad?" I say, my voice breaking on the word.

     "I don't think so." He replies. He leans over and presses the button that calls for the nurse. "Maybe your dad's in another room."

     "No, you're—"

     A nurse enters the room. "Is everything okay? Can I get you anything, Mr Romano?"

     My father turns to me. "Is that you?"

     My eyes water.

"Sir, do you know your name?" The nurse asks him.

He shakes his head after a moment of thought. I have to clench my eyes shut to stop myself from crying.

He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't remember me. He doesn't even remember his own name.

"What's going on? What's wrong with him?" I ask.

"That's quite rude." My dad mumbles.

"It seems he's suffered memory loss. He must've hit his head during the car accident?"

"I was in a car accident?"

"Yes. Is there anything you remember?" The nurse asks as she writes something down on her clipboard.

"No."

This time I do cry.

I have to walk out of the room. I lean against the wall and look up at the ceiling, tears falling down my face.

     "Xander?" Amalia's small voice reaches me. I snap my head over to her as she carefully removes herself from Elijah's arms. Her voice is full of hope as she asks: "did he wake up? Is dad awake?"

     I nod. She goes to run inside his room, but I grab her and pull her back. "Lia.."

     "What?" She asks, her eyes filling with tears. "Is something else wrong?"

     God, why do I have to be the one to tell her this? It's gonna break her little heart.

     I nod.