reticent

54

• AMALIA •

I rush out of the kitchen, but pause halfway up the stairs when Silas says my name.

I turn around. "What?"

"Are you okay?" She asks, her voice going soft again. She furrows her eyebrows a little as she says it, like she's unsure why she sounds so gentle too.

"Obviously fucking not." She goes to reply, but I cut her off. "I was kidnapped, no one will leave me alone, and I wanna go on a date with my boyfriend but no one even trusts me to do that. And, to add to the pile of utter shit, I don't have anything to wear!"

She pauses for a moment. I roll my eyes and turn. I'm almost at the top of the stairs when she says my name again.

"For fucks sake, what?"

"I have clothes." She tells me.

"Thanks for rubbing it in."

She sighs and closes the distance between us. "I mean for you to borrow, dipshit."

"Oh." I whisper. "Thanks."

She walks up the stairs, and I follow her down the hall until we get to one of the many guest rooms. She takes me to her wardrobe, then nods at it. "Take whatever you want."

     Swallowing, I whisper. "Thank you."

     She shrugs and walks over to sit on her bed, pulling her phone out. I grab a pair of jean shorts and a crop top since it's supposed to be sunny out today.

"Thanks." I repeat tentatively.

"It's fine." She mutters, typing on her phone.

     I leave without another word, returning to my bedroom. I lay Silas's clothes on the back of my desk chair, pick out a pair of shoes that'll go well with it and turn the shower on.

     Immediately, I'm pulled back to when Nathan was holding me beneath the shower, a cloth covering my face that cut off my my oxygen.

     I haven't showered since I got back, I suddenly realise. When I woke up, I was clean of the blood that had soaked my face and neck. I haven't thought about washing myself since, and all at once feelings of uncleanliness and fear enclose me. I want to shower and wash my hair, but part of me is afraid to.

I turn the shower on, then immediately off. I do this a few times, as though when I flip the switch all my worries will flip away with it.

I begin running a bath instead, but as the water inches up my hands start trembling. So I shake my head, let the water out and rush back into my room. My hair isn't greasy—Nathan let me shower a few times (mostly with him) and it still must be washed from then.

I'll be fine.

It's probably just shock, right?

     I turn the shower off, then go into my room and put a bunch of dry shampoo in my hair before curling it to give it more volume. Then I change into the outfit Silas let me borrow, deciding to get dressed before I end up falling back asleep.

The door opens then, and my dad walks in. He smiles softly. "Hi, baby."

     I look up at him.

     "How are you feeling?" He asks me.

     "Fine." I whisper.

     "Have you eaten anything?"

     I shake my head.

     "Do you want me to make you something before you go?"

     I shake my head again.