Heart Strings

Chapter Twelve

A/N - ⚠️ TW - mention of rape - dark/heavy theme.

Kal's POV

Useless, weak, afraid, a pussy, a bitch. The words that swarmed my head daily. I was nothing, I wasn't a man, not the man I'd been trained to be. I was trained to fight, hold my own, and not be pushed so easily and yet, here I was staring at my wrists. A constant reminder of what I was, a reminder of a mistake, a reminder of how my life could take a drastic turn for the worse if anyone ever found out.

I would die with the secret, I would carry this secret forever. I had every intention of doing just that. Well, I had until my annoying sister wouldn't leave me alone.

It was a Saturday evening and I had just cleaned my room for the fifth time. Cleaning didn't require thinking, force, or speaking so it was calming. I was watching, well staring blankly at the black tv screen when I heard my door open. The scent of fried fish flows in. My eyes never leave the screen.

"Brother." Kumani said quietly, shutting the door.

Kumani was my older sister, she was 20 years old. and going to college for her degree in business. She was living with us cause she didn't want to pay out of pocket for a dorm and be roomed with a roommate she disliked.

I heard her release a deep breath before the bed dipped beside me.

"Eva called, she worries about you. Can I ask why?" she asked

"It's nothing, a meaningless fight." I muttered

"Is this fight, the same reason you've been stuck in here for weeks?" she questions

I winced and blinked my eyes looking toward my older sister. Her eyes locked on mine, that small smile making me crumble on the spot. I choked before getting up fast. I couldn't do this, I refuse to talk about it. She didn't need to know that her brother was worthless and useless, not the strong man I was raised to be.

I paced the floor trying to stop the memories from flooding back. The pain from being hurt and taken apart was still burnt into my mind. The music, the drinking, and the...ropes. The whispered meaningless praise as she focused on her release. I was so in my head that I didn't even hear myself crying, my ears ringing. My vision is blurred and unfocused. Until I saw Kumani step into my path.

"Kalian, Calm down." Kumani said stepping in front of me. Her tone was as soft as our Mother's when she wanted to stop a rising conflict between her children.

Kumani wrapped her muscular but firm arms around me. I put my head on her shoulder, my tears soaking her red shirt. All I wanted to do was cry and cry but I couldn't allow myself to.

I pushed her away, realizing what I was doing. Crying, men didn't do that. If my dad would've caught me I would be doing push-ups or laps. I wiped furiously at my face. I would not cry in front of anyone anymore. I didn't even do it while Eva was around.

"I haven't seen you cry since Daddy made u swim 20 laps for pushing me off my scooter." Kumani joked.

"Kal, I'm here for you. I've always been here." she added her tone delicate breaking me down.

I pushed myself against my wall, sliding down until I was hugging my knees and the carpet was underneath me. Kumami copied my movements. She was so close I could smell her lavender body mist. Her painted nails stroked my arm trying to comfort me but I couldn't feel it. It was like a feather on my skin as I felt so numb inside and out.

"Talk to me please." She begged gripping my arm.

"I can't." I refused to meet her gaze.

I won't