Sinful Despair

➩𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲
𖤓𖤓𖤓

The weight of the gun in my trembling hand is a great reminder of the chaos that has inflicted on my once slightly ordinary life.

My mind races with a chaos of thoughts, each more frantic than the last as I try to make sense of the events that have just gone down. 
My voice is firm, "I want you to tell me what the hell is going on, Enzo."

Despite my effort to keep a pinch of strength, I can feel the cracks beginning to form, threatening to shatter that little sense of control I so strongly cling to. "Tesoro, put the gun down and talk to me." He says and the fact that he looks completely unbothered only irritates me further.

I shake my head. like hell. "No."

There's a moment where neither of us move, neither of us speak as we look into each other's eyes. That's until he takes a step forward and the distance between us diminishes until the muzzle of the gun meets his chest with a soft thud.

I choke on my breath, and with my eyes wide from shock I speak "what are you doing."

He doesn't answer me, but his stillness speaks for itself. There's a subtle intensity in his gaze, almost as if he's.. admiring me?

Pull it together.

My words get cut short, "Lorenzo-"

"Enzo." He speaks, his words solid. "Enzo. Not Lorenzo"

If I'd known he'd take more offense from me calling him by his real name than pointing a loaded gun at him? I probably would have stuck to another plan.

With a gentle touch, he guides the weapon from my grasp, his steady hands a well needed form of stability to mine.

My focus remains fixed on the gun, unable to tear my gaze away and I don't know why. His eyes remain locked on me as he clicks the safety on, then tucks the gun into the side of his waistband.

Enzo's voice cuts through the silence, The comforting sound soothing my nerves.

"Look at me, tesoro" With a gentle push, he lifts my chin, my eyes meeting his, his eyes a sea of calm compared to mine.

I speak just as our eyes connect, the words slipping out in a hushed tone, a plea laced with desperation. "Just tell me what's going on, please"

𖤓𖤓𖤓

2 hours. That's how long it took for him to explain, in explicit detail, every single thing I wanted to know about the mafia.

I'm lying in bed, his bed, the soft sheets enveloping me in their warmth while he sits on the sofa facing it. Enzo's voice fades into silence as he finishes his sentence, leaving me with the weight of his words.

I find myself staring at the fabric of the sheets, tracing the patterns with my fingers before lifting my eyes to meet his. My mouth hangs open ever so slightly, my words caught in the tangled string of thoughts as I search for the right response.

Because seriously, how does one answer to something like this?

"..Oh." Oh?!  "So.. you uh- basically kill people for a living?"

I somehow manage to make this situation even harder for both of us.
He blinks a couple times which is totally understandable because who the fuck would ask something like that?!

"Were you listening to anything I said?" He glares at me.

My eyebrows furrow. "Yes." a pause. "...kinda" 

He sighs, "Lil-"

"How could I? You spent two hours talking about crazy illegal shit. Sue me for not being able to entirely focus all the time."

His eyes narrow, a subtle movement that I mirror when he ignores me and changes the topic with ease. "You should rest, it's been a long day"
He rises from his seat and crosses the room, then with a quiet click, the lights turn off and he leaves the room without another word.

I'm left in bed, my gaze drifting upwards, fixating on the ceiling but seeing nothing. Lost in the universe of my thoughts.

The soft glow of the bedside lamp casts shadows across the room, but I remain in my own world, unaware of the amount of time passing by. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours. 

My thoughts gradually quieten, and the tension in my body begins to loosen as I finally surrender to the warm embrace of sleep.

𖤓𖤓𖤓

I'm going to try and make some longer chapters for you guys since I feel like they've been getting shorter and shorter.

I just need a little time to figure things out in my personal life right now because it really affects my writing if I don't. The chapters are feeling really repetitive and just getting a little boring at this point which is just because I really did not plan for this story whatsoever. I do really want to write it though.

I definitely never planned on my book getting 3 million reads, like that's absolutely insane. I just randomly started writing one day out of boredom so the amount of pressure definitely wasn't accounted for.

But like I said when I came back after my break. I WILL finish this book, no matter how long it takes so don't worry!
One of my options right now is that I'll be writing shorter chapters like this but more often since that works a little better for me.

See you next week❤️