Follow The Music

Chapter 11: Denial

Zoe's mouth widened into a grin. "Really? River loves you?"

The day after the party, I called up Zoe and asked her to come over alone. I didn't want Peter or the rest of the guys coming because the reason why River didn't want to join the band was because of me and I wasn't ready yet to let them know that.

"No, he just said that he's interested in me more than a friend."

"For how long has he liked you on a deeper level?" 

"He said that it's been for a while but I don't know if I believe him. He's... He's... A rockstar. He can't-"

"That doesn't mean anything, Em. Peter seemed a bit of a player when I first met him. But he wasn't like that with me and now we're happy together. And River's not a player around you and you two will be happy together too."

I nodded then suddenly realised what she said at the end of her miniature speech. "But River and I aren't going to be together, Zoe. I'm with Cole."

She exhaled as though she were about to undertake something exhausting. "But just the other day you were saying how you're not in love with Cole anymore."

"But he needs me."

"You need to stop caring so much for other people and you need to do things more for yourself. It's okay to be a little selfish, Emma."

"I think I've well used up the amount of selfishness I'm allowed for the rest of my life."

"What makes you say that?"

"I wanted this. I wanted to be the front woman of a successful band and it got me fame and fortune. I did everything for myself to get me here and that is selfish enough to last me for the rest of my life."

"You're wrong. Everyone needs to be selfish sometimes, otherwise you are just giving people shoes to walk all over you with."

"Maybe..." I said hesitantly.

"Do you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you and River would be cute together."

"Zoe." I said disapprovingly. "Even if I decide to break it off with Cole, going into another relationship will take some time."

"If you say so."

I grumbled and buried my face in my hands. "What am I going to tell the guys? They've been wondering why River isn't joining our band too."

"I still don't get why River's feelings about you makes him think he's not eligible to be in the band."

"Because he thinks that he's feelings will make things complicated and awkward in the band. And that is not a good vibe when you're spending all this time together and writing songs."

"Oh. I didn't make the connection."

"What do I do, Zoe?" I asked rather distressed.

"It's probably not a good idea to tell them about River's feelings for you just because it is something that is really personal and confronting for him. And it's his secret not yours."

I sighed. "You're right. I just don't feel the best about keeping it from them all. But I guess I'll have to suck it up."

Zoe nodded in agreement. "But you have to admit, of all the guys who could have a crush on you, aren't you glad it's River. I mean I know I'm happy with Peter and love him to bits but River is smoking hot."

I knew I was blushing so before Zoe could really see it, I threw a pillow at her face. "Shut up." I laughed. "I am not talking about River's hotness."

"A-HA! So you do admit that he's hot!" She said as she moved the pillow from her face and hit me with it.

"Stop twisting my words."

"So you don't think he pulls off his shoulder length brown hair?"

"No I do. You'd think that having hair as long as that would kinda look grubby and bad on a guy but River definitely doesn't look grubby at all." I said without thinking. "And his-" I cut myself off when I realised what I was doing - I was just giving Zoe more ammo to shoot me with. 

"I give it somewhere in between two weeks to two months until you start something with River."

"Don't be sad when you realise you're completely wrong."

"I'm not the one in denial, honey."

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